2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Is it easy for you to say no to a person? Is it easy to explain to a person that he "crossed" your personal boundaries and invaded your personal territory? Explain without anger and pain inside, when the border is almost destroyed, and there is very little strength left to try to "reclaim" the occupied territory. Is it easy to show these boundaries before you cross them?
When we do not have clearly defined personal boundaries, then we are forced to look for other ways of protection, since other people invade (sometimes even completely unintentionally) into our territory, where we do not want to see them, or rather feel them. And then we create the "armor". We "surround" ourselves from all sides (from below, from the side, from above, and patch up all the smallest holes) with a kind of internal armor that does not allow others to get to us, to the place inside where it will be unpleasant or painful for us. In this way, we protect ourselves from any potential intrusion into our personal space. We haven't learned to set boundaries, but at least this way we feel protected.
But this armor not only protects us from invasion, but it also "protects" us from creating relationships with other people. After all, when we create a relationship with another person, we want to be open and this openness from both sides creates closeness and understanding. And to drop the armor, which has been building up over the years, is not so easy (or, to be exact, it is not at all possible in a short time and on our own), and now, wanting to create a relationship, we stumble from the inside on the armor that we ourselves have created. But since the creation of armor is a very important process for a person (although usually not consciously), we do not even recognize that we are bumping into our own obstacles. We are able to see anything in a partner, but they usually hear from us "we want to be open and create a relationship, but something doesn't work for the partner." Do you have a partner?
And how are you with the setting of personal boundaries? And with building relationships?
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