How To Leave A Loved One If You Understand That He Is A Goat?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

- Let's all the same not swear in the notes.

- When you just "leave" your beloved, you behave like a drug addict who decided to quit. You have decided, but the body did not solve anything of the kind and resists. Depression begins, withdrawal.

Therefore, the main rule in such cases is to change yourself, learn to love yourself, deal with your head, your problems. And then you don't need to leave anyone. Rather, it won't be a problem.

- In a neurotic relationship, it is not the person himself that is important to you, but the emotions that he delivers into your life. For a neurotic, a partner is an object in which a resentment against parents, and all other offenders too, is conveniently placed. Resentment and a sense of humiliation are generally his main and favorite emotions. It is unusual for him to live without offense. Having “abandoned” a partner, the neurotic has to place negative emotions in himself, and this is unpleasant, difficult, something like intoxication happens.

- If the object is returned, then, as a classic drug addict, you feel bad and good at the same time. It's bad that you already know that he does not deserve your love (at least for the reason contained in the note), but good for you, because again there is someone to pour out irritation on.

- I mean that it is completely useless to leave someone until you have changed internally and while a partner for you is a way to solve your purely internal problems. Cry, cry and find a new one.

- And then, why leave someone if you really love him? And then what? To choose rationally on such grounds as reliability and "he is a good man"? But who agrees to live with a man who, perhaps, is a good man and a wonderful father, but at the same time you do not want him, and that's it! That's right, nobody. But there are two girls … They want to. How do you represent it later?

- This is a relationship in which you live with your head, and one way or another you are looking for emotions on the side. It breaks you, you toil, but no - he's a good person! … Absolutely flawed relationship, in my opinion.

- A beloved or to accept completely as he is, or not to accept at all - the golden rule.

- It is definitely not necessary to part with a person due to the fact that, for example, he does not perform some household duties. That sums up on some points, does not correspond to your ideas about what a man should and should not do. Here, absolutely everything is conditional and subjective.

Here is your husband, for example, academician Landau - it is clear that he will never, under any circumstances, nail the shelves and wash the dishes. No matter how much he loves you and no matter how you build it. It's just a different person. Well, he doesn't do something! If you love him and want to live with him, you just have to tell yourself: he does not nail the shelves, so I will hire specially trained people who will take care of this.

- The categories "good-bad", "right-wrong" do not work in relationships. Is it good for you? And live with him.

- In a healthy relationship, the dishes are washed not because "it is necessary", but because the wife came tired, the husband, not pretending to be a hero, gets up and washes. He really loves her and wants to help. And if she has arrived and knows that he is very busy, then he will not insist that he meet her at the gangway. This is not a problem, he will take a taxi …

- I do not call for parting if the partner is "not behaving like a human being." Yes, let him behave as he pleases, as long as you like it. But if you periodically feel bad in a relationship, something annoys you, makes you nervous, if your partner neglects you, offends you, shows disrespect - this is certainly a reason to say: dear, I love you very much, but we will not see each other again.

(I apologize to the men in the audience - I always speak in the feminine gender, after all, the majority of women have gathered. But the rules are universal).

- Anyone who is mentally healthy is guided by his feelings and always chooses himself. Neither beauty nor love REQUIRES SACRIFICE. And if they do, this is definitely not your story. Bring it down. There is no such purpose for which it is worth to endure something in a relationship.

When everything is just getting tied, as soon as there is even a slight discomfort, immediately clarify the situation. Do not try to delay the moment, do not ask yourself unnecessary questions: "Maybe I misunderstood?", "Maybe he meant something else?"

Do not pull, the further - the more difficult it is to break. And if discomfort appeared once, it will appear again, then again, the conflict is inevitable, and at the later stages of the development of relations (slept, meet, live, got married, gave birth to children), it will cause great pain. It's like when the bottle was opened, then poured, then drank one at a time - it's almost impossible to stop.

- Did I understand correctly that you are canceling our meeting? Yes? Goodbye.

Without clarification - "Why are you doing this to me?", "How could you?"; without complaints - "I was waiting for you, I hoped for you, I am everything for you, and you!" - do you hear? - do not find out, do not complain, do not blame.

Correct wording: I DON'T LIKE you doing this.

The first warning should also be the last.

No "I asked you!" "We have agreed".

You are not offended, you leave.

- Since I was 13, I smoked and smoked a lot - two or three packs a day. And I told everyone, including myself, that I like smoking, I like it. And nothing could scare me. Crayfish? I think, well, what, painkillers exist. And then the doctor tells me that there is such a form of it as pulmonary emphysema, when a person suffocates for two or three days, chokes on his lungs, and this death is very painful … I was really scared. I have not smoked. For a long time. An hour and forty minutes. Then he began to smoke more, because he was very worried.

I quit smoking only when I realized that I smoke not because I like smoking, but because I have a heavy addiction. And I didn't like that. I love myself too much to do something against my will. And I have not smoked for six years.

- So, it’s much easier to get out of a relationship if you realize that in fact you don’t like all this and don’t need it, that you do not have love, where the person himself is important, but dependence on emotions. And the emotions are painful.

Then it would be worth starting to work on getting rid of - not from a person, not from love, but from dependence and from your tendency to fall into it. Find out the reasons, figure out what you have with your childhood and parents, trauma and so on. To come to such results as: self-love, a good relationship with oneself, the ability to spend time with oneself and self-sufficiency, which is freedom.

- Having acquired all these qualities, you will definitely attract the same worthy, independent person who strikes up a relationship not out of fear of loneliness and not out of suspicion that no one else needs him, but because he will be interesting and good with you.

(reply to a note from the audience during the lecture "About attraction")