When There Are Three In A Relationship, Or The Karpman Triangle

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

A fairly common relationship model called the Karpman Triangle. What does it mean? This is essentially an unhealthy psychological game. When, where relations are born, built, clearer and stronger between the two, suddenly a third appears, which is superfluous. And the destructive, bad, harassing game begins, where there is a Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor.

So, examples.

Most famous: He, she and parents. It doesn't matter whose: his, her. Anyone can join. The husband is drinking. This is how life turned out. More precisely, it did not work out. He is the Victim. The wife who constantly scolds him for drinking is the Persecutor. His / her parents become Rescuers, speaking in defense of the husband: “Well, he brings money home,” “Good when he is sober,” etc. The situation is changing, "corners" do not stand still, roles are not assigned to specific individuals. And now, the wife is now crying from powerlessness, she is tired of fighting ineffectually with her husband's drunkenness - now she is a Victim. The husband in this case is a Tyrant (Persecutor), the parents are Rescuers who feel sorry for the daughter / daughter-in-law. Sound familiar? Go ahead.

He, she and mom. It doesn't matter whose. Maybe the mother-in-law, or maybe the mother-in-law. But mothers-in-law are more common) When a mother demands attention, she ceased to be the only and best woman for her son, ANOTHER appeared. Prettier, younger, stronger, perhaps. And my son, it seems, is much more interesting with her. And it begins: you stopped calling / writing / visiting. The message: I suffer and you are to blame. This is the Sacrifice. A son, out of a sense of guilt, can become a Rescuer for his mother. And the wife does not like such interference in their union and she begins to get angry with her mother-in-law, like the Persecutor. Roles, of course, do not stand still in such a relationship either.

Mom, dad, child / children. The saddest triangle, as for me. Because they involve children, who, unlike adults, are more amenable to influence and are not able to take responsibility for the process. An older child, by the way, can also be a Tyrant (Persecutor), for example, if the parents are divorced, blaming one of them for this.

What is characteristic of this model:

1. Roles are not fixed. The triangle is always mobile. A game, that's why it is a game, so that the roles change, and the rules remain unchanged.

2. More often those who are prone to dependent / co-dependent relationships are drawn into it.

3. Getting out of the triangle is difficult. People have been playing it for years. Especially if they are related by kinship.

4. The main reception of the participants is manipulation. Everyone wants to satisfy some of their needs at the expense of another.

5. It is not easy to notice that you are in such a triangle. It is very exciting emotionally. And on emotions it is difficult to soberly assess the situation.

And such triangles can be created in any relationship. A couple and their friends, among colleagues, relatives / friends / loved ones, etc. And it's better not to get involved in them. As soon as you notice that you are involved in such a game, leave. Literally and figuratively. Shut up, step aside, take the position of an observer. Or just go … with your feet … for the threshold. I'm serious.