"The Principle Of Matryoshka" In Successful Parenting

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Perhaps the most popular topic for seeking psychological help is the difficulties of parent-child relationships (disobedience of the child, tantrums, whims, rudeness, etc.). Such difficulties most often arise for mothers, and the initiative to seek help also in most cases belongs to them. Not always because dads do not have such difficulties with children, but more for the reason that men often hold the opinion that everything can be solved on their own. Only for some reason they do not decide … And then a desperate woman comes to a psychologist.

A systematic approach to considering the family assumes that everything in it, as in any system, is interconnected. Neither father, nor mother, nor their child live in isolation from each other. They somehow communicate, interact, influence each other.

For example, a young family in which a baby was born. The husband, friends and relatives took the newly-made mother and baby from the maternity hospital, all together celebrated this wonderful event, and then the guests dispersed … and a completely new life, unfamiliar to the family, began.

The husband is at work from morning to evening, - of course, he alone is now responsible for the financial well-being of the family. A young mother is at home with her baby all day: feed, change, shake, lay, wash, clean, prepare food, change, feed, shake, calm … and so on ad infinitum … toilet-went-rest? It often happens that no. There was no time. That eternal chores around the house, then cook dinner, after all, my husband will come home from work. Either the baby is capricious, you can't let go of your hands, immediately screaming … And the woman meets her husband without mood, tired and irritated. And it is often very difficult for her to tell him that life is gradually turning into a nightmare. That sometimes more than anything in the world you want the child to just shut up, not scream, because nothing helps to calm him down. That it is one thing to “expect a child”, to imagine what he will be like and how good it will be for all of them together, and quite another thing is the everyday reality of “being a mother”. And all this still has little resemblance to happiness. And this thought is unbearable, as if it is bad, as if it does not love the baby …

And even if she tells her husband that it is very difficult for her, she can often hear in response that it is a sin for her to complain, having so many modern devices that facilitate domestic work. That in the old days this was nothing, and women had many children, and after all they were coping! The man only forgets that in those days the mother had many helpers: grandmothers, aunts, and older children. And the woman herself was not within the "four walls" was closed … And now the young mother of the assistants and interlocutors is only him, her husband.

It turns out that a woman, having become a mother, really needs help and emotional support from her husband. It's a pity, but instead of support, a woman often hears from her husband irritated: "What kind of mother are you that your child is yelling !!!"

And she really, really wants and really, really needs to not only sit with the child for a while, giving him the opportunity to rest, but also try to understand what is happening inside her, how she copes with all this new life and new role. Then it will be much easier for her to manage the child. After all, he is very dependent on his mother, not only physiologically, but also emotionally: the mother is scared, sad, or she is annoyed - and the baby is worried, which means that something is going wrong, this is alarming; mom is joyful, calm, smiling - everything is in order, life is getting better! And then in the evening dad is greeted by his bored beloved wife and son or daughter.

For me, such interaction in the family where the child was born is a metaphor for the world-famous Russian nesting dolls. Baby is the smallest nesting doll. She is under the care and care of her mother. Mom is an average matryoshka doll. She is under the reliable protection and care of her dad, the largest nesting doll.

Mom feels that she is not alone that is important, valuable and protected by her husband. The kid feels his mother's calmness and her joy to be a mother, and he has little reason for anxious behavior, whims and tantrums. Because a child is happy when his mother is happy. The man, on the other hand, feels that those for whom he is responsible are happy. And all thanks to him, his love, his protection, his calm reliability.

Men, isn't this a reason to be proud of yourself, your fatherhood, your family !?