2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are many problems in our life. Naturally, our relatives and friends also have them, and we often have to listen to complaints about something or someone. On the one hand, this is natural, people want to somehow relieve tension, to speak out. But, on the other hand, constantly listening to someone's complaints takes energy from us.
It is good to show empathy and sympathy with those closest and friends when they have a bad time, but constantly listening to complaints is simply harmful for us.
And to refuse this is very difficult. After all, we do not want to be insensitive or selfish in the eyes of the “complainers”.
Therefore, it is important to be able to identify such situations, to know how they can affect our life, and to be able to correctly respond to them.
Why not listen to complaints?
Such people curse their lives, pose as victims, complain about everything and everyone, but do nothing to change the situation, change their lives.
For a while, we normally perceive these complaints (what to do if a person has a difficult situation and is unlucky all the time …), but then we begin to understand that it’s not the situation, but the person himself, that the tendency to complain about everything and everyone became part of his lifestyle.
He uses (consciously or unconsciously) these complaints as a means of manipulation, the purpose of which is to induce in us feelings of guilt, compassion, pity and, at the same time, to absolve ourselves of responsibility for what happens to him.
We often succumb to this manipulation and feel obligated to solve his problems, or at least sympathetically listen to his "outpourings" and console him.
What happens to us when we constantly listen to someone's complaints
Such “complainers” usually know how to pity their interlocutors, and we often “penetrate” their misfortunes (real or fictional) and begin to perceive their problems as our own.
This takes a significant portion of our energy away from us.
Our emotional state is changing, our emotions are now largely determined by the situation in which the other person is.
Feelings such as frustration, guilt, and sadness trigger hormonal changes in the brain, resulting in:
What can we do to avoid being led by the complainants?
Life often disrupts and confuses our plans, and from time to time we have to face unpleasant surprises and problems.
When we fail, we often experience frustration and feelings of bitterness, but it is unwise to "dwell" on these negative emotions.
We spend energy on these feelings and on complaints, which we could use to overcome the obstacles that have arisen, to solve problems.
This is how the complainants behave, and you shouldn't play along with them. We don't have to listen to endless complaints and make other people's problems our own.
We cannot solve other people's problems, our own problems are enough for us.
Then … what to do?
1. Keep your distance
Whenever possible, keep your distance from such people, because they try to manipulate you.
The less you listen to their complaints, the sooner they will understand that you are not going to be "imbued" with their negative experiences, you are not going to waste energy on it.
2. Make it clear to the "complainant" that his problem is his problem
If you have found time to listen to complaints, let the “complainant” understand that the main problem is in his attitude to the situation and to life in general.
Try not to be too "imbued" with his situation and advise him to solve the problem on his own.
3. Don't show weakness
Since you are dealing with a manipulator, you should not show him your willingness to solve his problems.
Of course, you can feel empathy, but try to control the situation and do not rush to help when the problem does not concern you in any way.
4. Set boundaries
You have the right to demand from such a person that he does not share his tragedies with you and does not torment you with complaints.
If you are already tired of listening to all this negativity, tell him that you do not like it and you do not want him to pour out a stream of his complaints on you.
Do you have a friend or relative who complains to you all the time? It's time to act!
Do not play their game, otherwise you will feel that for some reason you have let a lot of negativity into your life.
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