How To Stop Being Angry With Your Husband? I Get Annoyed All The Time. Husband Infuriates

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When I met my future husband, I had uncontrollable outbursts of anger, hatred towards him, tantrums and a constant desire to destroy our relationship.

Sometimes I just wanted to destroy him, and I did not understand what was happening, because he treated me well and did nothing wrong. Then for the first time I thought about what was wrong with me? Where does this come from?

The more I thought about it, the more the situation became clear.

All women of my kind hated their husbands and all men in general. Why love them? Who is a man? Enemy and traitor. And what do they do with enemies and traitors? That's right - they are destroying and wiping them into ashes from the face of the earth.

My great-grandmother Olya was abandoned by her husband alone with the children. The war began, he went to fight and when the war ended, he married another somewhere beyond the Urals. My grandmother lived the entire war without him, coping herself, helping the partisans, received an order for this. After the war, her husband was forcibly returned to her, as it was said earlier, through the party line.

They somehow lived, but apparently not very well under such circumstances. I heard rumors, which are now difficult to verify, but he either harassed or raped his own daughter. It doesn't fit in my head.

Great-grandmother Olya suffered, great-grandfather drank, walked and all their lives they suffered together. Great-grandfather died, and great-grandmother lived out her long life alone.

My grandmother Nina fought all her life with her grandfather Viktor, he drank without restraint, walked, the worker was nothing. He loved to lie on the stove, drink cheap fruit wine, gnaw seeds and bawl songs. In the village he had an offensive nickname - Lemesh, and he was also called the Wind. As I understand it, this is a person you cannot rely on, he is here and there, like the wind.

They fought to the point of stupor, beat each other, always walked with bruises and black eyes, it was not a passing war. In the meantime, however, they gave birth to and raised four children. Grandfather died early, about 50 years old from alcohol - he walked home, froze in the snow. My grandmother has been living alone for over 40 years.

My mother, having lived with my father for 33 years, found out about his infidelity, although before that she believed that we had an "ideal" family. For almost all my adult life, they quarreled, sorted out the relationship and fought for power, found out who is right, who is cooler, and who is shit.

As a result, mom kicked out dad, they divorced. And still there are complex relations between them, enmity and misunderstanding. Although my mother believes that she has forgotten and forgiven everything, she has been living alone for more than 17 years and does not want any more men in her life. Rather, she thinks that she wants, but in fact she does not need them, since she has already suffered a lot and does not want a repetition.

This realization struck me! Three generations of women of my kind - great-grandmother, grandmother, mother had a sad experience in relationships with men and were not at all happy. They were overwhelmed with anger, pain from betrayal, hatred, competition and all lived out their old age alone.

The hair on my head started to move! I'm part of our feminine gender, maybe this story is written in me, in my unconscious, in my genes, and maybe that's why it is so difficult for me to build relationships now, and I feel this anger, pain, resentment?

I realized that the first years of our relationship was in tension and as if subconsciously expecting some kind of trick from my husband - well, when will he start treating me badly? When will he show his "real face"?

But the fact of the matter is that I did not see him really. I looked at my husband through the eyes of women of my kind, through the eyes of fear and the expectation of a sad future.

Generic hatred for men and memory lived in me! I was amazed at this terrible discovery of mine.

My God, how to deal with this, because I did not want to repeat their unfortunate fate. How to build a good and long-term relationship with such a history? This is a puzzle. Is it possible to change something?

If I follow the scenario of women of the genus, I will come to exactly the same result as they do. But I wanted to have a sincere, warm and respectful relationship with my man and live with him in trust, amicably and happily for many years, and certainly not to live out old age alone.

I didn't know if I would be able to change this familiar generic scenario, but I seriously decided to try, since my life and my relationship were at stake. Moreover, she has already destroyed my first serious relationship.

But how to do that? I had the feeling that I was standing so small in front of a huge block that it was impossible to budge. Which side to approach it.

I started with a trip to a psychologist and began to carefully observe the moments when animal anger at my husband began to rise in me. And in spite of the fact that she was letting go, she clenched her fists, but an inner observer had already appeared inside me.

He told me - see, you are right now, how your mom and dad are fighting, you just repeat what you are used to and you saw it in childhood. Where are you in this? Don't you feel like just playing the part, don't you get bored?

I was very tired of this, I felt like a puppet in the hands of a puppeteer, on which nothing depends. But how do you cut these threads and start playing your own role?

I went to constellations, studied the laws of family systems, discovered all this by my own example. Once I even went as a participant and could not stand the stress of the field, I started to feel sick, dizzy and I ran away. Probably because the story of the girl and her family was so similar to mine.

Yes, I was aware of my family history, I tried to separate my and not my reactions, but nothing really changed. I continued to experience outbursts of uncontrollable anger and anger towards my husband.

I was still haunted by the thought that if I did not deal with this issue, the fate of my mother or grandmother awaits me - an unhappy life and a lonely old age.

One inner voice told me - nothing will work out for you, why do you need this relationship, anyway it will not end well, there is nothing to try. And that was my mother's voice.

Another voice - gently seduced and said, well, think about it, I want to destroy my husband, everyone lives like this, maybe it will pass with time, lie down, rest, sleep, that's how it happens with everyone. You still won't be able to change the course of things. Deal with it. Such is your share. It sounded like the voices of grandmothers.

And I almost succumbed to these persuasions and had already begun to get used to the idea that nothing could be changed. It might be better to pretend that there are no feminine birth scenarios. Maybe it's just a coincidence that mom and grandmothers hated their men. And I'll live like this somehow.

And then came the next March 8, and I had a terrible quarrel with my husband and again felt an indomitable desire to wipe him off the face of the earth. This is how we celebrated the holiday in a restaurant, had a fight and dispersed in different directions.

I looked at his back for a long time, at his sad shoulders, as he walked away from me. For the first time in my life I was afraid that he would leave forever. Is this really the end? His receding figure was slowly dissolving into the bustle of the city. I felt how bad he was, how he was suffering. It was so hard for me.

Probably, it will seem strange to you, but for the first time in my life, I saw in a man - a MAN with his feelings, with his vulnerability, fears, vulnerability. And I experienced a feeling of compassion and understanding in relation to my husband, unfamiliar to me before.

I returned home, he was lying on the bed with his face turned away, and quietly crying. My heart burst into tears with him. It finally dawned on me that he might be in pain too, not just me. How painful it is from my words and deeds. I knew how to wound, like no one else, because I myself was a wounded "bird".

She stroked him on the head and back, hugged him from behind. So we lay together for a long time, and I thought that, like women of my kind, I had never seen in my men real living people with my own feelings.

That we all demanded of them to be strong, to provide for everything, not to make mistakes, to be impeccable, to understand us and our feelings. But none of us saw living people in our men. No one respected their men and did not accept them for who they are.

We perceived our men as numerous functions, meeting our needs for money, apartments, cars, household chores, children, sex. We treated them like slaves who must meet our expectations and obedient dogs to carry out all our commands, everything we want.

My world has turned upside down. I realized what united all women of our kind - we all did not accept men with their feelings, did not consider them for people, were in fear, pain, resentment, claims, eternal war with them.

This was a watershed moment for me, and I started working with a psychologist to change this scenario. And since she was full of determination, ripe for change - everything happened pretty quickly.

As a result, I saw my husband as real, accepted him as he is. It was as if something clicked inside me, and I ceased to be afraid of repeating our female script. The bouts of uncontrollable anger and anger stopped.

Thanks to psychology, one can understand what is happening, see the connection between the destinies of women of the genus. To write a new scenario for yourself, but not rejecting the first one, the one that you inherited, but accepting it as part of your personal history.

Yes, I can still be angry with my husband and be dissatisfied for specific actions, but there is no longer that frantic anger, rage and anger that sweeps everything out of its way. The strength of emotions is no longer the same and it quickly passes.

You can change your scenario of relationships with men! Even if no one has succeeded in your family before you and it seems very difficult. From my own experience, I was convinced that there is no point in suffering in a relationship, like our mothers and grandmothers. Every woman deserves to be happy in a relationship!

And, if you notice that you are often angry with your husband and you are characterized by uncontrollable outbursts of anger, rage, look at how your mothers and grandmothers behaved in relationships. Whose scenarios do you live by?