Relationship With Her Husband. How To Save Your Relationship With Your Husband?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Relationship with her husband. How to save family relationships if a chill breathed unpleasantly from your husband? If he stopped talking to you, discussing any of his problems? If communication takes place only on household, financial and parent-child topics and is carried out in the mode of a production planning meeting? If intimacy happens once a month, or even in several months? If he comes home gloomy or joyless and clearly wants to come home as late and less often as possible? If he does not make joint plans to achieve new life or family heights, does not set common family goals? Declares the feasibility of spending the vacation apart, spends the weekend anywhere and with anyone, if only not with you. Or sitting at home, but buried in a tablet or phone, being in his virtual world? Does he not invite you to public places (to the cinema, cafe or for a walk), or to visit friends, does he not invite anyone from your environment to your home? She spends less time with children, and more time talking about personal growth or drinking alcohol.

These signs can be continued for a long time, but in fact they are not necessary. Because women are endowed with a natural gift to immediately feel that something is wrong in a relationship, they understand that there is a problem with their husband without even analyzing it rationally. But, unfortunately, women are also endowed with a huge reserve of patience, which usually works against themselves. Wives often begin to justify and defend their husbands, convincing themselves that the husband is simply tired, or the years take their toll, or he has problems at work or with health, or just a spring or autumn depression. Etc. etc. And they just wait for everything to return to normal, distracting themselves from sad thoughts by taking care of children, communicating with relatives, girlfriends, serials and reading women's forums on the Internet.

As a result, many wives are doing themselves a disservice by wasting time and missing out on the opportunity to save the relationship when it took relatively little effort. As a result, the husband's dissatisfaction from life in general and from family life in particular, never eliminated in time, gradually creates conditions for him to start a relationship with that other woman who (most often mistakenly) seems fresh and interesting to him. a medicine for sadness and apathy, a guide to the world of everyday joy and sexual happiness. And when sex hormones boil in the cauldron of love, and pockets filled with condoms, incessant correspondence on the phone, spending the night outside the house and redistributing the budget towards a new passion are added to the above list of signs of cooling relations, it becomes incredibly difficult even for an experienced family psychologist to help such a family.

So what should a wife do if she begins to see clear signs of a withering relationship with her husband? First of all, understand the following:

Love comes and goes randomly and unpredictably.

Relationships arise and fade away only naturally.

It is important for a wife to understand that relations are deteriorating and find themselves in a crisis, if over the years of marriage the spouses have gradually lost the most important thing in a happy marriage - "community, togetherness and positivity", where the key concept is togetherness.

Like ships, the most important quality is buoyancy, in a family, the main quality is compatibility.

Let's ask ourselves, "What creates marriage?" Relationships and marriage create mutual attractiveness, common values and goals in life, joint leisure, joint communication arising on this basis, common laughter and joint sex, joint overcoming of those difficulties that stand in the way of this, a common social circle. Accordingly, if much of this list eventually fades into the background, completely different people come to the fore - the very friends of the husband or mistress who begin to compensate for the loss.

Relationships, they are like stars from a famous song, according to which, "if stars are lit in the sky, then this is something someone needs." If they light up because they were needed by one of the couple (or both), then the relationship fizzles out simply because they were no longer needed by someone in the pair. Not needed or not at all; or are not needed in the form in which they are now, because one of the couple has changed a lot; or they never managed to become what one of the couple envisioned their future with a partner.

Translating this into simpler language, this means the following. In the practice of a family psychologist, there are fifteen of the most common reasons for the deterioration of relations with a husband. If we exclude the obviously problematic options for husbands (drug addicts, alcoholics, parasites, brawlers, pathological rude people, sadists, brawlers and jealous people), as well as an obvious contradiction between religious and cultural values, they look like this:

Fifteen reasons for the deterioration of relations with her husband:

1. relations with her husband deteriorate due to the fact that l because the wife successfully realizes herself at work (in career, income, status, etc.) and stopped communicating with her husband, as with the most important person for herself, did not find him a place in his life growth (especially if he himself is on a lower life step).
2. relations with her husband are deteriorating due to the fact that either the wife is completely immersed in the child, and the husband no longer feels his priority (after which he began to search for the one to whom he is still more important).
3. relations with the husband are deteriorating due to the fact that either the wife is completely immersed in the child, and the husband no longer feels his priority (after which he began to search for the one to whom he is still more important).
4. relations with her husband are deteriorating due to the fact that either the husband successfully realizes himself at work (in career, income, status, etc.), has become sufficient, and has ceased to feel the need to communicate with his wife, rely on her opinion, her support, its capabilities.
5. relations with the husband are deteriorating due to the fact that either the husband or wife called each other to work in a joint team, or in a common business, but this did not happen, people did not find themselves around in a business that brings a lot of income, and therefore they had nothing to talk about.
6. relations with the husband are deteriorating due to the fact that either the husband and wife live in a completely different rhythm of life and different work schedules: the husband leaves for work early in the morning, and the wife in the afternoon; or someone works at night or in shifts, etc. As a result, the spouses are simply physically unable to bring their communication into a single system. Meanwhile:

Everything unsystematic and not systematic

systematically and systematically dies, unable to compete with the systemic and regular.

So the relationship in such couples is gradually withering and fading away.

1. relations with the husband are deteriorating due to the fact that either the husband and wife, over the years of their marriage, were not able to organize their everyday life in such a way as to be able to have regular and full-fledged intimacy (they live either with their parents, or a one-room apartment with children, etc.)).
2. relations with the husband are deteriorating due to the fact that either the husband and wife, over the years of their marriage, could not learn how to organize their time in such a way as to be able to organize their leisure time regularly, at least a couple once or twice a week, either without children, or with children, but interesting, with access to public places, to nature, or at least by communicating with other people.
3. relations with the husband are deteriorating due to the fact that either the husband and wife over the years of their marriage have not learned how to earn or save money, which is why they always have no free money, which gradually leads to the fact that the family is associated only with a set problems and is not at all associated with something positive and pleasant.

When family life only turns into work after work,

one of the spouses begins to try to switch to hourly or

freelance work, or considering getting laid off.

As a result, leaving or divorce becomes such a dismissal.

1. Either the wife, unable to conquer or change her husband's favorite form of leisure, could not share it. For example, the husband never gave up fishing, hunting, diving, mountaineering, sports, surfing (etc.), and the wife could not find the desire and opportunity to do this with him. Or the husband never stopped drinking alcohol regularly, but the wife does not share the feast with him, and therefore he will look for one that, for his money or sexual potential (etc.), will more calmly treat his alcoholism.
2. Either the wife, unable to wrest her husband from the influence of his relatives or friends, was unable to build regular and warm relations with them.
3. Either the wife did not manage to take place as a good housewife, and the eternal irritation of the husband that the house was often unkempt and there was nothing to eat deliciously turned into a lack of sexual desire and desire to communicate.
4. Either the wife did not manage to take place as a caring and attentive mother, as in relation to her own child, or in relation to her husband's children from past marriages. Or she could not properly build the communication of her own child from a previous marriage with her husband. Or openly shies away from the birth of children in this relationship.
5. The wife stopped expressing her own interest in an intimate life with her husband, all the more so - to reciprocate his attempts to improve family intimacy.
6. The wife has neglected herself so much and began not to look very good that her husband has lost all erotic desire in her and the desire goes out into society in her. After that, the desire to communicate automatically disappeared.

And as you know, in real family life, all these main fifteen reasons can be bizarrely mixed with each other. That, in fact, gives rise to all the diversity of the movement of spouses in the direction of betrayal and divorce.

There is also another big reason: women overestimate the importance of children for the strength of relationships and marriages. Women, as a rule, believe that the appearance of children in the family can fully or significantly compensate for the husband for the decrease in leisure, intimacy, communication in the family on business topics (career, money, etc.), communication with friends, etc. Unfortunately, this is a big mistake, for which women often pay in divorce. Of course, there are many excellent fathers among men, however, as the dry statistics of divorces show, very many men are not able to live comfortably in their family, having lost much of what they had in this couple before the birth of children. It's bad and sad, but it's a harsh reality. Which came to us in the 20th century, when most of the world's population moved from the countryside, where husbands and wives worked together all their lives in the fields, orchards and vegetable gardens, to cities, where they dispersed to various offices and organizations.

What exactly should you do if you want to save your relationship with your husband? First, analyze the fifteen major causes of family chill that you have read, highlighting those that are relevant in your case. Then try to increase the compatibility in your couple, on the points where it is lost. For example:

• - If your husband has a successful business, find an opportunity to be useful to him, become a part of this business. For this, even quit your job. Otherwise, your husband is more likely to have a mistress at work.
• - If your career success is more noticeable than that of your husband, either find an opportunity to arrange your husband for yourself, or learn to hide your success from him, learn to switch yourself at home from the “boss” mode to the “cute domestic cat” mode. Otherwise, your husband, again with a high degree of probability, will have a mistress at his work. Yes, and you, perhaps, will also start someone …
• - If you have problems with your figure or economy, learn time management, that is, such an organization of your day so that you have time to fry cutlets and go to the gym (or play sports even at home).
• - If you are too carried away by motherhood and sleep with a child who is more than three years old, realize that this interferes with your family sex and start sleeping with your husband. You look, not only sex will return to you, but also communication. And then laughter and common goals.
• - If you still live with your parents, find an opportunity to either move to a rented home, or take out a mortgage. Personally, I think so:

Mortgage payments are still nicer than disputes

due to the amount of alimony after divorce.

• - If your husband is psychologically dependent on your parents or friends, get along with them. Get along with them - get along with your husband.
• - If you only criticized your husband, start praising him. Otherwise, another woman will begin to praise him. First, for everything, and then for the qualities of a lover.

And so on and so forth, across the entire list of problems.

In principle, the general direction of the struggle to save the relationship with her husband is understandable.