2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Every boy dreams of becoming a Real man - his inner strength and iron endurance can seduce any woman and overcome any adversity. But closer to 40, it turns out that this tempting image has a downside …
Sometimes men come to my office. This is rare, since men from childhood know that they must cope with difficulties on their own. It is all the more difficult for them to talk about their problems to a specialist - a woman. However, communication with those brave souls who were sitting in the chair opposite me or asked for skype consultation forces me to write this article.
So, when a boy is born, the world, represented by parents, relatives and educators, sets a number of conditions for the child to successfully survive in this role. These conditions are simple and known to everyone.
THE BOY SHOULD:
- To be strong.
- Do not Cry.
- Deal with difficulties on your own.
By accepting these conditions, the boy grows up strong independent non-crying Real man … In life, such a man walks straight, reacts in any situations adequately, i.e. emotionless, keeps all experiences in itself.
It is natural for a woman to cry, scream, complain about her unfortunate fate, ask for help, and then write it off as female weakness or hormonal imbalance.
Real men do not have such privileges.
This is probably why those men who turn to me for help have one thing in common - they are emotionally lonely, i.e. they have no one to tell about their doubts and suffering. Because these Real men - strong and reliable people, loyal husbands, competent specialists, good friends - are caught in a vicious circle.
Paradoxically, but the vicious circle of the Real man closes at the point where the boy decides to become a Real man who does not cry and copes with difficulties on his own. Accordingly, you will not tell your friends about personal problems, you will not hint to your wife, you will not complain to your mother, you will not go to the "shrink" - you are strong, independent - you are a Real man. Therefore, all experiences accumulate inside, in oneself. What does this lead to?
To the fact that everyone is already familiar and familiar with the statistics according to which men live 10 years less than women on average, and in the last decade, the number of sudden deaths of men aged 35-50 has rapidly increased.
His wife was behind him, like a stone wall, and friends felt his strong shoulder, colleagues respected for nerves of steel. He endured all sorrows and misfortunes stoically, and no one knew what was boiling in his chest.
And it turns out that it boils in the soul of middle-aged men regularly and for quite banal reasons:
- There is no self-confidence. Constant doubts - whether what was planned will work out or not, will have enough strength to cope or abandon what was planned in the bud, without even trying to try (this directly applies not only to professional projects, but also to conquering women's hearts), exhaust the psyche and lead to depression.
- There is no confidence in the future. Will he be able to continue to provide for his family at a decent level in the current conditions, will he finish the house, will the business keep afloat, will his wife love him without money and much more that worries a modern mature man every hour.
- I would like recognition and praise from family and colleagues at work. After all, they take all his efforts for granted, they are used to him, such an executive, responsible, punctual, and they want to hear feedback - how they value them, how they value them, how they love them - all the time.
- There is no understanding of the father's position in the upbringing of children. A very serious topic for the emergence of neuroses in those men, next to whom in childhood was not a moderately strict, normalizing, but understanding and approving father, whom I would like to be like.
- There are problems in the sexual sphere … Currently, due to stress and constant tension, problems with potency are already encountered in young 20-year-old men. At the age of 30, complaints of such symptoms in men are far from being isolated. In most cases, sexual dysfunction is associated with neuropsychiatric disorders (neuroses, depression, anxiety, phobias, etc.).
Of course, this is not the whole list of reasons that make Real men constantly live in tension, feel inferior, defective, weak, unnecessary, and have lost the meaning of life.
Of course, there are many more of these reasons, but there is one reason behind all these reasons.
LOYALTY TO THE BOY'S DUTY BEFORE THE SOCIETY IMPOSED IMAGE OF A REAL MAN
You can live your whole life as a boy who owes something to someone, but you can
with the help of psychotherapy sessions, thanks to self-education, self-understanding, or simply, taking the author's word for it, to accept the fact that
REAL MEN ARE RIGHT TO:
- TEARS. Tears are not a special invention of women for the speedy achievement of their goal. Tears are a natural way to throw out negative emotions, experience disappointment, react to unfulfilled dreams, it is tears that make it possible to “wash away the negative” and restore hormones in the body after stress. So we can say with confidence: "Cry for health."
- WEAKNESS. Men for the sake of their beloved women move mountains, reach unimaginable heights in the professional sphere, but still men are not gods, which means they are not omnipotent, which means that in some situations they can allow them to feel weak. And they have every right to their own weakness and impotence.
- DOUBTS. Only fools do not doubt, and smart, literate educated men can afford to doubt with complete confidence. Neurosis develops from an endless pursuit and the inability to reach the ideal, fictionalized in the head, the final image of the Unshakable Real Man, and when you realize the very possibility of doubting, making a conscious decision to take risks regardless of the result, you begin to enjoy the process of activity, and not tremble in doubts that the end result will not work.
- IGNORANCE. “Live and learn,” says popular wisdom. But men are very ashamed not to know something. You can be ashamed of ignorance of the laws of physics in front of your son, ignorance of the correct spelling of adverbs in front of the boss, and much more on trifles. But this ignorance ceases to bother you when you realize that you absolutely do not know how to live on. That everything for which he lived before has depreciated and does not have its former meaning. And there are no plans for tomorrow, and there is no understanding why this day should be started. But it is precisely this ignorance that opens the door to real knowledge of oneself. Understanding and accepting one's own Ignorance is the main driving force for development and personal progress.
REAL MEN ARE RIGHT TO childish joy, immeasurable delight, non-coincidence with someone's expectations, hobbies, aggression, pity, selfishness, defenselessness, care … because
REAL MEN ARE NOT STONE WALLS, NOT TIGHT WALLETS OR STEEL NERVES -
THIS PEOPLE, WHICH HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ORDINARY HUMAN LIFE, with all her black-white-colored paints.
And, as far as I know, such an ordinary human life is much more pleasant for them.
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