Do Psychologists Smoke? Should They Be Perfect? How To Choose A Psychologist?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Alas, there is nothing and no one ideal in this world, and an attempt to find something perfect is a utopia, which will lead you in the end only to the fact that you will close in yourself, within your own framework and limitations, your inner world will be closed from others, and development will stop. What can be the result? Including neurosis! And even if you first realize this fact, it will already be a huge step towards a better life.

How to choose a psychologist, what are the main features he should have? Is it true that if a psychologist smokes, this means that he is not an expert in his field and has not dealt with internal personal problems?

To begin with - be yourself, admit your imperfection! And you shouldn't think that someone can understand you ambiguously!

In fact, only next to an imperfect psychologist can a person feel comfortable and free, he can go to himself and calmly develop in this zone. Why is that? Next to an ideal psychologist, you will always feel some inner tension and a feeling that you need to meet some expectations, it is imperative to get into the frame into which the psychologist has pushed himself. And then there will be no feeling of freedom, the person will not be able to discover his true self (and this is the essence of therapy!).

Let's return to the question of smoking - for me this is a favorite process, a kind of meditation, I always do it with pleasure. If a psychologist smokes, is this a good or a bad specialist? The question is not entirely correct - here we are talking directly about the awareness of choice. For example, I understand exactly what smoking means to me. It is relaxation and rest, like a bath for others. Conditionally - it's cheaper for me to smoke than to be nervous. I have chosen this path voluntarily and deliberately, and I am not going to change it yet. But this does not mean at all that I force others to do this! Moral teachings from neighbors and others ("Well, why are you doing this? Why are you doing this, it spoils health!") I perceive as a violation of my personal boundaries. Why touch me, if I perfectly understand the possible consequences, I try not to smoke in public places, where it can interfere with other people, respecting their boundaries.

That is why my view on this question is exactly the opposite - if a psychologist has no problems of his own, how can he understand you? If we consider the topic further on the example of smoking, I can say that I definitely tried to quit many times - when I was “sick” with the idea “you need to live the way the people around me want it from me”. I know of several correct ways that work, and I can definitely help in this matter. Similarly, in other situations - if I have a problem right now, then I figured it out and know what to do. In addition, the person facing the problem will be more energized to help. If a psychologist cannot change something in his life for a long time (due to the fact that the depth of the mental damage in the place of injury is too strong), and all the methods that he uses at the same time contribute to a rollback, this means that the psychologist knows a million and one way”to solve the problem. The psychotherapist experiences a very strong inner need to help another person and thus understand himself (and vice versa). Relatively speaking, this is how we get our purpose in life - faced with some deep problems in life and having understood them, we try to share it with others.

Undoubtedly, in psychotherapy, everything is much more complicated - I have one type of character (for example, schizoid with narcissistic compensation), but there are people with a hysterical type. For a schizoid, this is a completely opposite concept of life. In this case, such people are more difficult to understand, a person needs to be taught, read, supervise, etc.

The next point is that no one can completely get rid of all the problems. If someone denies this ("I have no problems!"), He or she died, or is in a state of deep depression, or takes a rather arrogant position in relation to others ("I have no problems, that's all!") especially to customers. If I can't admit my problems, how can my client do it? In fact, a person will be ashamed that he is just as unhappy next to a psychotherapist (conditionally - “I solved all my problems in life, I feel so good, but you just came to figure it out!”). On the example of smoking it looks like this - the therapist has never smoked, and for him it is not a problem at all ("Well, what's the matter, where is the problem? Just don't smoke!"). Without having experienced a similar experience (not necessarily a similar one - it may be some kind of addiction, if we are talking about smoking), it is difficult mentally and emotionally to understand another person.

Despite all the theoretical experience gained by the psychologist from books, everything happens in a different way directly in therapy - the psychotherapist works in contact with another person, soul, through the emotional sphere. Emotional contact between two people is pretty important. If he is not there, and the therapist works exclusively on the book ("Soooo … Wait, now I have to tell you this …"), psychotherapy will never work, especially very deep problems. This is why therapy is valuable.

The choice of a psychologist is always difficult. This is a really big problem today. Why? If earlier we relied on education (in Ukraine and Russia it was important that a good psychotherapist had a university education; by default, this meant licensing in Europe (and in general abroad) and some serious institution in the direction of psychotherapy, gestalt or psychoanalysis), at present it is not difficult to forge a diploma, and in general, these crusts by themselves do not say anything (they cannot be used to judge the degree of treatment of a psychotherapist as a person).

However, the most important criterion is the period of the psychologist's therapy. If the therapist has less than 5 years of therapy ("week per week"), he is not allowed to practice. Deep questions and problems of the psyche (the most, the most unconscious layers that are important to heal if a psychologist is going to work with others) do not emerge at all in the first year of psychotherapy. The most difficult situation can arise if you find yourself in a psychologist who will make you dependent on himself, or, conversely, it will be a toxic person who withdraws and maintains distance. That is why it is important to rely on your feelings, trauma. Does the therapist notice your injuries? How does he explain them? The answers to these questions are very important, but this place can be tricky as well. There may be a transference that creates feelings and emotions that signal, “EEEEEE, no! We need to run away from here! " For example, for a counterdependent person, this will be the main problem in therapy, but there is also a second side - discussion, logic. And here you need to rely on logic! Will the therapist be able to sensibly and logically explain to you what exactly is happening in your therapy, why such reactions, whether all this needs to be worked out. If you cannot find the answers to these questions, this means either you need more therapy, or the therapist is holding you back (but it is not clear why).

What to do? If you are deeply into psychotherapy and are wondering if a psychologist is right for you, take a few sessions on the side and do a general diagnosis of your therapy (this will allow you to understand if the psychologist is using you and how). The most important thing is that you don't feel used up. Another important point - do not immediately run away from therapy, clarify your feeling of "being used" (if any).

In the question "How to find a psychologist?" I will not be able to be particularly useful - I found my therapist the first time, thanks to the recommendations of colleagues from Gestalt therapy and a personal meeting with several specialists at the same time. My choice unconsciously settled on a therapist who used to be in business because of her dream of becoming a businessman. But in fact, upon a deeper analysis, I realized that a good mother's figure worked projectionally - the psychotherapist reminded me of my grandmother, with whom I had a warmer contact. As a result, I have known this person for ten years. I have had 5 years of therapy without a break, and in general - more than 7 years.

A trained psychotherapist must necessarily take advice from a supervisor who provides him with the opportunity to reflect on his professional actions and professional behavior. In my case, the supervisor is really an expert in her field - she understands and knows a lot, she herself had a lot of problems, a difficult situation in childhood, a lot of therapy, and she herself did not immediately find her therapist, but with all this, even now she has life difficulties. All this suggests that psychologists are people too, and they also have some compensatory moments (for example, smoking).

In fact, this is a kind of stress relief, so the only question is how conscious the psychotherapist is in working with the client (Will he use a person? Will he force him to do something?). The most striking example is payment. In this sense, a psychologist who does not depend on every next client is more credible than one who is just starting to practice. Nevertheless, psychiatrists who begin their practice always try very hard.

Everywhere there are pluses and minuses, so you need to choose more with your soul, according to some external, not very perceptible parameters (that is, unconsciously). If you are drawn to a person, go and try, take a closer look, analyze. Then, already in the process of psychotherapy, be sure to discuss the techniques used with the therapist ("Why are you telling me this now? I expected to receive support from you, but you frustrate me!"). All these points are important to discuss and articulate.

So, if a psychologist is a professional, anything can happen in his personal life, but at the same time he will be able to help the client. These are two completely different skills - working with oneself and working with another person. In the second case, the psychologist starts from his knowledge, skills, received supervision, and not only from a personal internal problem. An untreated psychologist will work exclusively for his own idea, and the one who can abstract himself and turn off his attitudes, works on the client's request and his goal.