Who Or What Influences The Choice Of A Partner? Relationships: Why Do We Choose Who We Choose?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Relationships: why do we choose who we choose?

“We choose, we are chosen,

How often it does not coincide …"

Sometimes this not only does not coincide, but causes us pain and suffering, and then - a feeling of devastation, resentment, contempt, a bunch of all kinds of complexes and much more, which has an extremely destructive effect on us and, alas, on our relations with future partners.

So what or who makes us choose this or that person? Why do we love him with all our hearts, but we feel next to him an oppressive feeling of uselessness, unimportance, "loneliness together." Or, perhaps, you frankly do not understand why relations with completely different partners proceed according to the same not very successful scenario, but you just cannot get out of this never-ending ill-fated "play".

The topic of choosing a partner is very interesting and relevant. For me, to be honest, she is also very scrupulous, since she directly relates to some moments of my personal life. Therefore, today we will talk about relationships, more precisely, about how and why they are as they are. I want to share with you my conclusions, which I came to in the course of a comprehensive study of this topic.

6 factors that influence the choice of partners

Child-parent relationship. Each of us lives the Oedipus period at the age of 3-6 years, when the child plays up his relationship with the parent of the opposite sex. I will analyze it using the example of a girl. At this age, she begins to involve dad in her games, in daughters-mothers, imagining that dad is her husband, and she is the wife and mother of their "child" (dolls). Or she plays for Barbie, and asks the parent to play for Ken, her fiancé.

And in such seemingly playful and frivolous moments, the child subconsciously begins to form an image of a future partner. So, if dad is caring, loving, understanding, giving a sense of security and a sense of support to his daughter, then a grown-up girl will reach out to such men. A dad, aloof, withdrawn, not supportive of his daughter, selfish, having addictions, becomes the “standard” for the child. Likewise with boys and their mothers.

Parental relationship. Here the child is already observing both parents, their relationship. If a husband and wife love each other, respect, support, do not break down at each other, most likely, their son or daughter will be able to get the same prosperous family in adulthood.

Parental patterns also play a role here. For example, patriarchy or matriarchy reigns in the family. If a girl sees that her mother dominates (tells her husband what to do and how, belittles), then on an unconscious level she will then choose for herself “spineless” partners who can be controlled. The same situation is with the boy - seeing that his father is like a powerless person in the family, he will get used to holding onto a woman's skirt, grow up dependent, driven, he will be attracted by strong women.

Parental settings. These are programs, templates that are laid in us from childhood by mothers and fathers, and along with them - grandmothers and grandfathers, godparents and other significant, authoritative relatives for us. From here come such negative attitudes as “all men are goats”, “all women love only money”, etc. Knowing such “truths” in advance, it will be difficult for us to be fascinated by a partner, to learn to value and respect him, to value relationships.

Generic scripts. In this case, not so much parental conscious and unconscious upbringing is imposed on us, but the influence of certain scenarios in choosing partners and building relationships that took place in the life of one of the ancestors of our family. Perhaps you do not even know how your great-great-grandmother or great-grandfather lived and breathed, but it turns out that you involuntarily repeat her path (for example, you cheat on your partner or, conversely, choose those men who like to "go out").

Karmic meetings. This is a rather rare factor, but it still exists, so I also want to pay attention to it. Meeting a partner can be karmic. For example, when in the past incarnations of your souls you had a love relationship that ended incorrectly. And in this life, you have to reconnect with each other in order to close past scenarios (it will not necessarily be a good end). Here are some signs of a karmic meeting:

• You feel at home with him.
• Each of your meetings gives a real storm of emotions.
• You see your soul mate in your partner.
• It seems to you that you have known each other for ages.
• You understand each other perfectly.
• You completely trust and are open to him.
• You feel a strong emotional connection at a distance.

Sounds a lot like love at first sight, doesn't it? Or maybe this is just the first stage of a romantic relationship - falling in love (I devoted a separate material to what stages partners go through in a relationship). Think, remember, analyze if you had such scenarios that the easier you get along with people, the more painful and difficult the relationship becomes later.

At first you accept your soul mate, everything is fine, but then that difficult, past scenario comes up. Not everyone has enough strength, nerves, patience to get out of it on their own. In my life, sometimes strange, ambiguous meetings have also taken place, which then result in the same strange, ambiguous relationship. But before, I didn't know how to work with it.

Now I am sending myself to past incarnations to find the root of the "script", sorting through the shelves that can create problems for me here. As a result, either these relationships end immediately, or "heal" and proceed in a calm, healthy regime.

Life purpose. Here, too, the experience of the soul plays a role. Each of us has a purpose, information about which is "sewn" into his subconscious even at birth. In order to harmoniously fulfill it, a person is given certain abilities, personality traits, and resources.

But as he progresses through his life path, a person loses them (they do not disappear at all, but change their direction and begin to work against their “master”) or does not notice at all, therefore, they do not realize themselves as they should. And then he reaches out to those, chooses those who have the same quality or condition.

This happens unconsciously, but in appearance we can perceive it as admiration for a partner, for some of his features (in fact, these same features “sleep” in us). But getting involved in such a relationship, we accept the person as a whole, and he may have very negative qualities that can have a destructive effect on us.

Love or dislike?

Above, I described the factors that have a very strong on us, perhaps, in the case of many people, a decisive influence when choosing a partner. I want to say right away that none of these points have anything to do with true love. This is deception, self-deception, complexes, psychological trauma … Anything, but not love. And I never get tired of telling this to clients who come to me and share their stories, relationship problems.

In the process of my work with their scripts, they begin to change, their thoughts and, in the end, actions and deeds change. But first, it is important for us to understand where the problem comes from, from what point. I work successfully with all six factors so that I and my clients don't overlook anything.

If you want to know more about what generally influences all our actions and our life, I bring to your attention my author's consultation "The Life Path of a Man."It will give an idea about a person's life, about those situations and life scenarios, states and feelings that we experience. And most importantly, you will be able to understand what kind of life you could and should have lived, what your abilities are for. A full description of the consultation can be found by clicking on the link in the profile header.

I wonder what kind of partners do you meet most often? Do they have any common features? Think about where you would class your love stories? I also propose to do one useful practical task. Take and write a list of similar qualities of significant partners that you have had in your life, what connects them.

These can be both positive and negative traits. You will then have more awareness about which partners you choose. And, believe me, this can change a lot for the better in your future life. On my own behalf, I want to wish - no matter what partners you meet, no matter what points they relate to, let the relationship with them give you, despite everything, happiness, joy and love.

And everything else … not so important …

Your Drazhevskaya Irina!