2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How we choose not to choose
Not all choices in our life can be considered free. Sometimes we choose based not on our feelings, but on rules, beliefs, or habits.
Most often, a person's beliefs are formed based on personal experience, but this is not always the case. We can unconsciously use other people's rules and values without criticizing them. In psychology, this defense mechanism is called - introject, it gives us confidence in issues that we have never encountered in reality.
An introject is such a belief, an attitude, which is the rule by which this or that person lives
In fact, these are those knowledge, assessments, thoughts that you have accepted or absorbed from the outside world - without confirmation and verification. They just absorbed and accepted it as a given, rule or axiom.
They are useful when it comes to the safety of life (not playing with fire), but they are simply restraining when it comes to expressing emotions, about how to look, how to be yourself in society.
Most often, introjections are formed in early childhood, when authoritative adults explain to a child what he should be like "Boys don't cry", "Decent people don't do that", "Good girls don't fight" "If you're kind, it's bad to be angry." And they present a list of requirements and expectations, for example, "Cook well", "Go to school", "Become an engineer", "Marry and have children, etc."
What if it doesn't work for us? Without analyzing, without thinking it over (of course, due to age), we accepted these views, believed in them, included them in our life under the guise of our own positions. And now these stereotypes "force" us to live like a blueprint, limiting us and preventing us from living.
And after all, these stereotypes do not have internal foundations in a person, they are imposed by someone from the outside.
How introjects prevent us from living
Like any defense mechanism, introjection distorts the perception of reality and makes something external to be felt as something internal. In childhood she allows the child to feel their strength by attributing to themselves the qualities of adults ("I do this because my parents do it"). Growing up, she saves from losing a sense of significance in a situation of dependence on other people (“I'm not helpless, because I have like-minded people who adhere to my views)
Secondary benefit introjection - this is the possibility of shifting responsibility to external sources, referring to upbringing, traditions, moral norms, universal human values. You can always refer to other people ("he says so", "I was raised that way")
How to work with introjects?
It is impossible to completely get rid of introjection - this mechanism is at the heart of our formation, without it it would be impossible to adopt experience and learn. It allows you to establish contacts in early childhood, the child, along with care, adopts meaningful relationships from close ones. Introjection is at the heart of education, the goal of which is to make a person socially comfortable.
And there is nothing wrong with this, apart from the fact that with useful skills we absorb other people's attitudes without testing them on personal experience.
There are several nuances in working on introjects:
- A person usually does not realize that he is living for some kind of conviction.
- Introjects in most cases consist of two parts, one of them is good, the other is bad, and each introject has to be explained in order to separate the good from the bad.
- The reframing technique (when a belief is rewritten anew in such a way that it begins to carry a meaning for a person that is relevant to him) is often used when working with introjects.
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