2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"What will others think of me?"
"They talk and gossip about me …"
We often hear such or similar phrases. You can also observe similar posts on social networks. If about posts, mini-publications, then they are mostly of this nature: "I don't care what they say about me." And here is the inconsistency. If a person does not care, he will not prove anything to anyone.
In general, one can really envy such conceit. People consider themselves to be such outstanding personalities that everyone thinks and talks about … And this is today, when the phrase "Time is money!" becomes more and more relevant.
Of course, sometimes, from time to time, people around can talk about others, gossip, gossip, I in no case exclude this.
If a person has a lot of time to talk about other people, their own life may be boring and uninteresting.
That is, in most cases, gossip and speculation are born where there is envy and boredom.
There will be a certain number of people who are really "not touched" and are not offended by any gossip. They do not care what others think of them and they are not puzzled by thoughts, what they say about them and do they say at all?
There will also be people for whom talk about them, gossip act as a kind of advertising and glory. Deep down, such people love to be the object of everyone's attention, they need it.
And there is a category of people who are hurt by gossip, and the opinion of others worries.
It is for such people that it is useful to read the full volume of the article and reflect on what is written about.
I propose to analyze: why should others think and talk about you at all?
Are you a great scientist?
A well-known public figure?
Do you live an immoral lifestyle that is fundamentally different from the lifestyle of your environment?
Are you among the billionaires?
Are you always one step ahead of your girlfriends, friends, colleagues and therefore they envy you?
If you answered no to all the questions, then why do you still think that people often talk and gossip about you? That the people around them are busy not with their problems, with their lives, with their loved ones, but with you?
You can also analyze how much time per day do you think about other people? Not about yourself, your family, your loved ones, but about others? For example, today … Yesterday … Approximately how long does it take per week? I am sure that not much, since not everyone can boast of having so much free time, which would be enough to think about others.
In general, the presence of critical thinking and an adequate perception by your “I” of the information that comes to you from others, I hope, will give you the opportunity in the future to treat in a different way the far-fetched fears “They are talking about me”, “What will others think of me? …
What else is important to understand. The fact that they really won't talk about a person who doesn't represent anything, because he is not interesting. So try to be optimistic about gossip: “It doesn't matter what they say about you. The main thing is not to forget!"
And continuing the theme that many of your speculations are nothing more than a figment of your imagination and perception, and not reality, I will give a few quotes of really outstanding and famous people.
Susan Sontag: "I envy the paranoid: they truly believe that others are paying attention to them."
John Fowles: “At 18 you care what people think of you; at 40, you don't care what people think of you; at 60 you already know that no one thought about you at all."
Arthur Bloch (Edelstein's advice): “Don't worry about what other people think of you. They are too worried about what you think of them."
From the standpoint of developmental psychology, it is young people who are more often guided by the fact that others will like them. They are more concerned with what is said about them. As a person grows up, this preoccupation with someone else's opinion goes away. I note that it leaves with adequate self-esteem, self-sufficiency, etc.
As one grows older, a person begins to understand that aerobatics is not to be liked by others, but by oneself, because it is much more difficult. It is then that it becomes completely unimportant who says what about you and whether they say anything at all. (again, subject to the development of a mature, psychologically healthy personality).
psychologist Tatiana Smirnova, Kiev
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