Iron Boots, Or The Difficulties Of Finding A Partner

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

IRON BOOTS, or the difficulties of finding a partner

I have not seen Maryana for 10 years. Once, as a young girl, she came to me for help. The topics were different - the difficult separation from the mother, and the search for work. But the central problem was loneliness and the absence of a loved one in life. She felt like a leaf torn from a tree, which flies in an unknown direction under the gusts of wind and really wants to find its place. Nothing worked - short meetings, light flirting, quick parting. We worked out different strategies for finding a man, discussed her fears and doubts. Maryana became more self-confident, more active, bolder, she could define “not her” person much faster. But something didn't grow together …

Accidentally meeting at the airport, we turned out to be fellow travelers - we both flew to Moscow, where Maryana left many years ago. She asked permission to sit next to her, changed places with my neighbor - and now I am listening to the story of her life today.

The main thing was that she had found her Prince. Loving, caring, real - these were his first three characteristics. She enthusiastically told and bragged about her life today: although with a mortgage, but an apartment in a nice area of Moscow, daughter, work. And, of course, the husband. She beamed when she spoke of him. And some little things that she talked about, and how he touchingly treats her and her daughter - all this was for me confirmation that Maryana was doing well.

At some point, I asked: how did you find it? And then a light cloud appeared on Maryana's face. “It was not easy,” she said, and again continued to talk about her happiness. But I got curious. “But still?” I asked, risking sounding overly persistent.

Maryana sighed … We had about 30 minutes to fly, and she told her story.

Everything turned out to be simple with my husband - I met at work, he was an employee of a company that was located in the same building as Maryana's organization.

Her sigh touched the previous section of the pipeline. It was about him that Maryana was difficult to talk about. It is this part of her life that she recalls as pitch hell.

From the moment we parted and until the moment we met her husband, Maryana tried to build relationships with 24 men … 24, Karl! What a figure …

Maryana was a good girl and a diligent student. Having made the decision to look for a life partner, she approached this meticulously, balanced and decisively. But, apparently, someone in heaven tested her for strength. And so more and more new characters appeared in her life. With someone there was one date, with someone she even managed to live … A whole gallery of images recognizable by any woman.

… Sasha, who runs away in the evenings and on weekends, turned out to be married, which, of course, he prudently did not tell Maryane …

… Sergei is my mother's favorite, an infantile, who lives in his grandmother's apartment and, according to his mother, deserves a more profitable party than a girl from some Belarus …

… Pavlik is a drug addict, good, but always inhibited because of the weed …

… Timofey is a handsome man and an absolutely inadequate jealous controller …

… Dima is the earthly embodiment of Mr. Scrooge, who went to the toilet when they brought the bill to the cafe, constantly striving to ride at someone else's expense …

… Oleg, who was dating three girls in parallel …

… Roma is a wonderful, deep, but a little bit of a gambling addict, due to each and every one so much that Mariyana was threatened by his creditors …

… Stas, with whom Maryana corresponded for 3 months and who never came on a date …

… Igor, who did not need a serious relationship - only sex …

… Bogdan, a tall and handsome athlete who said that he was 25 - and he was finishing school …

… Arkady, a bilious bore and misogin, constantly angry, displeased and criticizing Maryana's every step …

So, there were 24 … I imagined this row of men and mentally shuddered. Apparently, having caught my reaction, Maryana smiled sadly and said: "Natalya, if I knew that before I meet MY MAN, I will have to go through all these contacts - I would not even begin."

Her husband was the 25th in this line, in this line, in this line of those with whom Maryana could not build a relationship …

The plane landed, we said goodbye and went our separate ways, and I almost forgot this story, only occasionally recalling it as an example at the lecture “Choosing a Marital Partner”.

But today, when I was working on Skype, my client, a single girl, sadly said: “And so there was no boyfriend, and then there's the coronavirus… How can I meet someone now? Where?"

And there was so much despair in her voice, so much pain that I thought - both the economic crisis and the illness are easier to survive if you are not alone. If you have your betrothed or your betrothed.

But what if you are still single? If there are more and more challenges, the years are flying by, and you have not yet met the man / girl of your dreams?

Sometimes in our everyday worries we forget that we all come from childhood. And that each of us has a magical helper - these are fairy tales and legends that contain age-old wisdom. Both before and now - it has always been difficult to find "your" person. And it doesn't matter if you are a man or a girl - rarely for anyone everything happens at once and without problems. Most often, in order to find your partner in fairy tales, one had to pass a test - wear three pairs of iron boots or shoes, gnaw three iron loaves … Don't believe me? Finist Clear Falcon is the female version, The Frog Princess is the male version. And three is not much, there are fairy tales where you need to do the same, but in a sevenfold size.

Iron boots, iron staff, iron bread - these are metaphors of the fact that you need to make a lot of effort, try and PASS a DIFFICULT AND LONG WAY, in which there is no one to rely on, except yourself, and, of course, an iron staff. Of course, someone is more fortunate: he met the love of his life in the first grade, lived through all the crises next to him / her, raised children and grandchildren … And someone has three divorces … And someone got married for the forty-first time … And someone did not come out … Everyone has it differently …

But if you know for sure about yourself that you want to find YOUR person, you need to prepare for a long journey.

Necessary:

• Be a good diagnostician. The first filter is visual: appearance, behavior, manners. If doubts arise from the first meeting - not to meet in the second because of the illusion "maybe it seemed." Trust your senses! If you don't like the taste of the dish, do not eat it. Remember Bulgakov: “The second freshness is what nonsense! There is only one freshness - the first, it is also the last. And if the sturgeon is of the second freshness, it means that it is rotten!"
• If a person has passed the first "filter" - try the rule of three dates. Interesting? Are the values similar? Are you from the same social stratum? Doesn't it disappear? Calling back? Is he writing? Nothing alarming? You can move on.
• Moving further along the path of relationships. To what extent are there coincidences in the perception of life? How good are you together? Is it possible to speak delicately, but directly about what you don't like? Can a person hear you? Does your behavior change? If everything is OK - quietly ringing iron boots, move on.
• We look closely, we look closely, we sniff. Character traits? Bad habits? Remember - no one will change radically. Are you ready to take it as it is, at cost? Are you ready to love her like that, with all the previous baggage?
• And, finally, the point where it is important to understand: is it just a person “not to be alone”, “so that there is someone to visit with,” or are you ready to spend the rest of your life with him? Then you need to talk and clarify: what plans does your partner have? How does he see the development of your relationship? If you want to get married and have children, and he plans to look for himself for another 10 years, think: how long are you willing to wait? Don't be fooled. Either you wait, remembering how “the aging Cinderella sews the shoe herself,” or you sigh and pull on your iron boots again …
• If you want the same thing (marriage, children, finding a cure for AIDS and coronavirus, building a hut in the forest) - that's great! Go to step 7.
• The last point. Be happy! It's easier than you think.

Both in life and in a fairy tale there are trials. For the sake of good relationships and a happy life, you can try … And yes, an important note: go in for sports, shave your legs / face, do not pick your nose, change socks, paint, clean the house, communicate with his / her mother - this is all necessary, but it goes small font in the credits.

The good news: every path ends somewhere and sometime. The moment comes when you can take off your iron shoes, throw out the iron staff, hug your loved one and say in the voice of Vera Alentova from “Moscow Doesn't Believe in Tears”: “How long have I been looking for you” …

The main thing is not the time spent searching. The main thing is to find that very important, unique person …