2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The three most valuable areas in my life that have really benefited me a lot and raised my level of awareness are NLP, the Enneagram, and constellations (not in order of importance, but chronological). Here's more about NLP and constellations.
I have heard nasty things about NLP many times. Not too much, but enough. When I first came to NLP training, I did not know that there are so many myths around NLP, and what myths. My lack of information played into my hands. If I had googled and thought a bit more, chances are I wouldn't want to get involved. And so, I went to get specific skills and knowledge - and I got them. Everyone gets what they focus on.
A lot of people talk and write about NLP nasty and stupidity (and, often it is so stupid stupidity that even lazy to argue). Often these are people who, in principle, do not understand what NLP is. They heard the word, they associate it with something bad - and that's it, it started.
I have heard no less nasty (or, better yet, foolishness) about constellations. And they say, again, people who have no idea how it works. To persuade laziness. Time is a pity.
What do I think about all this.
Any method of working on oneself (be it something classical from psychology, NLP, constellation, telescope, or whatever) is neutral. Absolutely and completely neutral. People themselves paint it in emotional tones "good-bad". Well, there can be no method either good or bad. The point is how to use it, and for what purposes.
And yet there is no such method that would close absolutely all questions. For example, a person had a difficult childhood: his parents criticized him, devalued him, and so on. Hence, the person is working with childhood trauma and parent-child relationships. That's right - there is a sea of unlived feelings that you need to work with. But! If a significant part of your life you have been communicated with devaluation, criticism, humiliation, double messages, etc. - it is very likely that you will communicate with other people in the same way. Not out of spite, but simply because you can't do it any other way. With friends, colleagues, subordinates, partner, children. And to fix that, you need to learn new skills - how to give green feedback, how to praise, how to sincerely thank. Work out. Learn. They won't fit on their own. If they are not in the picture of the world, why would they fit in?
So that's it. Working through the trauma is one part of self-improvement, while developing new communication skills is another.
And I've also heard a lot of silly comparisons. When incomparable methods are compared, while giving marks "good" and "bad". Methods that cannot be compared because they work at different levels - that is, they complement each other. I understand that I want to find one method that is good for everyone and that solves everything. Like a magic pill. You have mastered this one method and you can do EVERYTHING - just like in a fairy tale) That's just not the case.
The directions of work on oneself are more likely about the path (which everyone has their own), and not about universal solutions.
And the point is the notorious responsibility, of course. A person either takes responsibility for his life, or he does not. Acts from the position of the victim, or from the position of the author. Is in a child or adult position.
And also the point is to responsibly choose who you go to work with, set goals for yourself for work, and really change something. Do what you were afraid to do before. React calmly to something that used to trigger rage attacks; analyze your thoughts and reactions, learn to manage states, etc. By the way, the last three skills are exactly what "scary" NLP teaches well. Teaches you to analyze, change behavior and states - and not brainwash or manipulate, as many think.
Although I am sure: there are people who will turn any method into a tool for brainwashing and manipulation. Even nonspecifically. So they do it. Simply because everyone gets what they focus on. And he comes where he needs to.
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