2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Why it gets so disgusting when asking for help
I remember a few years ago, as a student, I went down the subway on an escalator and looked with interest at advertising on lightboxes. And suddenly I saw instead of the white-toothed sparkling smile of the advertising hero, the sad face of a sick child. And please help with money for treatment. My heart ached. It became somehow uncomfortable. I felt very sorry for this child. And indeed all sick children. Then I thought, what good fellows are the people who came up with so to convey about their misfortune. And that they will surely succeed.
And then there were more and more of these sad children, these requests for help. And not only in the subway, but also on television, on the radio. Volunteers with boxes for money began to walk along the carriages, along the streets and roads. These urns began to appear in stores, pharmacies, cinemas - everywhere! Cries for help are calling out to us from everywhere. And what suddenly happened? It became so unbearable to see it all that a feeling of disgust settled in my soul. And the thought: "Oh no, they are asking for money again!" Anger, irritation, a desire to turn away have replaced sympathy and a desire to help.
But why did this happen? After all, no one forcibly takes our money. Donations are everyone's personal business. Or not? I wondered how these requests for help evoked feelings of guilt. You did not give money and the worm starts to undermine you “I could have donated, you won’t become impoverished” or “You need to help your neighbor”. And if you donated, then still the wine does not stop: “I could have given more, miser”. In addition to guilt, there is also fear: “What if this happens to me or my loved ones? If I don’t donate now (I don’t pay off from fate), then later I will be to blame”. All these voices in our heads make it difficult to think remotely whether we ourselves just want to help our neighbor.
Also, some volunteers are openly manipulating. I often met this in the subway, when it is simply physically difficult to move away from a person with a box. He comes to you, looks into your eyes and waits. And you have the last ten to travel. And you feel ashamed that you did not think about your neighbor in advance and did not save money for donations. And one day everything gets you and you donate money to everyone who asks for the whole day and at the end of the day you feel like a really kind person. But a new day is dawning, you go to the subway again and again meet with the condemning gaze of the volunteer: “Well, my dear, it’s a pity for a sick person to donate for treatment?” And that's all. Past pride was gone. She left with the money.
Of course, I will not forget to mention the scammers who collect money for non-existent patients. When it became clear that many volunteers were crooks, people became very offended, and many preferred not to donate money at all, than to be left with a nose again.
In addition to all of the above, there is an intolerance to reality. That is, a person is so scared of the amount of grief around him that his psyche puts an emotional barrier and reacts with irritation or simply lack of emotion to requests for help. And one more thing: there is a theory (unfortunately, I cannot find the source, so I am writing only from memory), which says that each person can be simultaneously emotionally involved in no more than 50 people. In other words, each of us has about 50 people, about whose fate we are worried. Our psyche simply would not have sustained more. Therefore, it is difficult for us to be included in every request for help.
What follows from all this? Don’t donate money for fear of being deceived? Or donate for reasons like karma? For myself, I chose this path: I donate money if someone friend asked me about it for his friends (and if I have money now). Then I understand that my contribution will get to the right place. But how you manage your money is your personal choice. And to whom to give them - too. Remember that goodness is calculated not only in money, but also in actions that do not require financial investments. All good!
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