2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In the practice of working as a psychologist, I often came across the following phenomenon. The girl's interest in the man caring for her gradually diminishes as he increases his concern for her. The physical attraction that was present at the beginning of the relationship gradually decreases, sometimes to the point of disgust, often the reason for this lies in the early relationship with the father. When a parent tried to sexually abuse his daughter. Such events are often "forgotten", forced out of memory, but the body remembers everything. When the man begins to resemble his father, the body rebelles and reacts with disgust, rejecting the man.
An indirect confirmation of incest is the situation when an adult, in response to the manifestation of parental tenderness: touching, kissing, feels disgust.
Practical example. The client, a young girl Ilona, is in long-term therapy. Permission to publish excerpt from therapy session received, names changed.
- My young man - Andrey took care of my car. Repaired it, made it look great and didn't take a dime from me. The more he cares about me, the less he physically attracts me. I haven't even had sex with him yet, and my sexual aversion is growing. I would like to understand why this is happening?
- Imagine a young man and a disgusting image around him. This technique is presented in detail in the article "How it comes around, so it will respond". A technique for determining your "contribution" to interpersonal relationships.
- I see a fat slug near the guy.
What image arises around you?
- This is a porcelain ballerina.
- Why did it become porcelain?- Frozen so as not to feel anything.
“Let her show her feelings
- The head came to life, but the body did not.
What prevents the body from reviving?
- For some reason, the phrase comes: "If I allow myself to be touched, disgusting."
What figure comes in?
- Four. The ballerina turns into me - four years old.
- Who touches you four?- I see dad, he is drunk, holds me on his knees and strokes the inner thighs, pushes my panties to the side. I see lust in his eyes. I understand that something is wrong, but I'm afraid to move and say even a word against it. As if I hear his thoughts: "You are a child, you do not understand anything." I also remembered the picture. From about the same time. I stand naked in front of my father, a huge bow on my head, I cover the place between my legs with my palm. I am ashamed. He says, "Go get dressed." But, I see a lustful look and I understand that his words do not coincide with his true desire. I really want to be a good girl for my father, and I take my hand away.
Tell little Ilona that she is a good girl. Striving to be a good girl for a father is normal. It is also natural to feel disgust when a father shows sexual interest in his daughter. This behavior of the father suggests that he did not cope with the parental role
- I say this to little Ilona, and she cries.
“Tell her that her body belongs only to her. No one has the right to touch her body without her permission. And now you are responsible for her safety - adult Ilona. Because you are one person
- I said, and little Ilona smiles.
“Tell her that you accept her, and accept the four-year-old girl into your body
- Yes, she entered the chest area, now I'm much calmer.
Did your father take care of you?
- Yes, he was a good, caring father.
After Ilona took the image of a four-year-old girl (a former porcelain ballerina), the image of a fat slug near Andrei disappeared.
Imagine dad next to Andrei, say: “You took care of me like a father. And I confused you with him. My physical disgust belongs to my father, not you."
- Now I understand that physical disgust really belongs to the father. And Andrey and his father are different people.
The physical aversion that has arisen in a relationship with a close relative can last a lifetime and then interfere with the formation of an adult sexual relationship. Work with a psychologist comes to the rescue, allowing the repressed information to be made explicit. Remove the accusation and responsibility for what happened to the child, recognize him as good. When a traumatic childhood experience is integrated by an adult woman, she builds the relationship with the man as an ADULT, not as a traumatized child.
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