2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One of the main roots of problems in your personal life is hidden deep in your psyche, so you may not even remember - your parental family, in which you grew up.
If you have not received unconditional love from the main people in your life, then this family was not complete and healthy, but to a greater extent - dysfunctional.
And so, thanks to imprinting (reproducing your first experience in life and attracting people similar to those who were next to you in the first years of life), you reproduce again and again that attitude towards yourself (yourself), which was absorbed, as in sponge in your subconscious. It is deep, deep, so deep that for sure, you falsely consider your family to be loving and ideal - it was repressed in your personality to the very bottom, like in a well.
But let's analyze in detail, by the bones, what did you get in the family of your childhood in reality?
I suggest you take this test:
Signs of a dysfunctional (sick) family:
- Your parents could not, were not able to give you unconditional, unconditional love, whatever their reasons.
- You have never received from them that attitude towards yourself that could be expressed by the words: "I love you the way you are", on the contrary, their attitude could rather be expressed like this: " Something in you is not what you are like, not like all normal people "," If you take an example from your sister, maybe I will love you " do everything my way …"
- By the time you’re five years old, you’ve learned well that there’s something wrong with you. You have always been with your parents a bad spoiled son (girl), unworthy of their love, and therefore unworthy of love in general. By the age of five you have learned to hate yourself.
- A sick family is a family where parents are unable to give their children their unconditional love, unable to raise them in a healthy atmosphere of love.
- Such parents themselves were brought up in sick families and in childhood never felt unconditional love on themselves. And when they themselves became parents, their inner gaze did not have a model by which they could learn to love: themselves, their spouse or their children, and to love with healthy love. They simply cannot give what they do not see the need for, what they themselves have never received.
- In the worst case, flawed, unhappy, unreliable, unable to understand their own feelings, they do not know what it means to love, what it means to be a kind father and mother, what it means to share your unconditional love with children.
- They have no idea how to allow their children to freely develop their individuality; they are intimidated by any deviation from their own behavioral stereotypes.
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The sick themselves, they also raise you in a stifling atmosphere of sick relationships, because they do not know anything else. One cannot, of course, speak here of a conscious choice; rather, it is a conditioned response, unconsciously passed down from one generation to the next. It's a long chain; it includes many generations. Sick parents bring up sick children who, as adults, create new sick families, and sick children are brought up in them again. This disease covers many generations: it is passed from one generation to another, it is inherited by each successive generation from the previous one.
The following characteristics of one or both parents are also signs of a sick family:
- alcoholism,
- addiction,
- love addiction
- mental or physical illness,
- mental or physical defects,
- inability to control oneself in food or work;
- a painful desire for purity in everything, which takes the form of a mental illness;
- addiction to gambling, extravagance;
- they tend to resort to physical methods of influence on a partner or on a child;
- their sexual behavior towards a child is unworthy, and the options can be very different, from attempts to seduce to outright incest;
-
they are promiscuous in sexual relations outside the family.
Other signs of an unhealthy atmosphere and parenting behavior include:
- constant swearing,
- chronic tension in relationships, inability or unwillingness to relieve it;
- extreme harshness with regard to money, sex, or religious matters;
- constant rivalry in relationships with each other or with children;
- the presence of pets in the family;
- cultivating a competitive spirit among children;
- excessively strict discipline in a family living by strict rules;
- the atmosphere of a family living without rules at all, where everything or almost everything is allowed; a stifling atmosphere in families, whose members are too close to each other, preventing them from making friends and acquaintances outside the family;
- the presence in the family of parents, one of whom dominates in everything, and the other is self-deprecating in front of him;
- cultural matriarchy, when the role of both parents is played by one mother;
- early death of one of the parents;
- reunification with a parent who had previously rejected the family;
- divorce in all its variants; a situation where the life of the parents is in danger, or when in some way this life becomes worse and worse simply due to the very fact of their parenting.
- The behavior of parents with this disease is unpredictable, they cannot be relied on, they are never there when they are needed.
- In such a family, they would not even think to try to resolve the family problems that arise. If there are any, they are not solved, but on the contrary, they are carefully masked.
- Family members cannot freely express their feelings and thoughts, express desires and fantasies. Open, honest communication is either considered suspicious or, even worse, severely punished.
- Promises never come true. Each is full of his own secrets and secrets, and as soon as someone spills it, everyone will immediately know about it.
- The very existence of any problems is completely denied. Everyone around is to blame for something.
- One side never forgives mistakes, the other persists in them.
- Cruelty, fear, ridicule, disrespect, humiliation, denial of dignity, sarcasm, accusations of insolvency and silence here become laws governing family life, laws that first strike and then completely destroy any possibility of a healthy relationship.
- The more dysfunctional rules exist in a sick family, the more serious the disease is.
- For many parents affected by this syndrome, parenting becomes a game based on the desire to dominate and subjugate.
- Children are obliged to do only what their parents want them to do, and not only to do, but also to think, feel, speak, and in general be in everything what their parents want them to be.
- In other families, on the contrary, children are neglected, as if they are not noticed, no matter how hard they try to please, gain approval, gain attention or love.
- But in any case, whether the child is subject to vigilant control, or not paid attention to, the dysfunctional rules of the game give rise to illness (addiction, love bad luck).
(Based on the book "Marilyn Monroe Syndrome")
If you answered yes to at least one question, then you have something to work on. Until you heal your mental wounds, not a single person will save you from your pain and suffering, from your inner loneliness and thirst for love.
Hope you found this test helpful.
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