The "chemistry" Of Love And Attraction: What Type Are You And Who Is Attractive To You?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Love implies a choice: out of thousands of people, we somehow single out one person with whom we want to build a close relationship, full of passion, devotion and affection.

How and why do we choose this particular partner? What are the parameters and criteria? On average, we tend to choose a partner who is close to us in terms of socio-economic and ethnic level, as well as in terms of education, intelligence and physical attractiveness. Of course, early childhood experience also influences.

And nevertheless, if we enter a large audience full of people who are approximately equal to us in socio-economic, intellectual and cultural level, as well as in terms of external attractiveness, why do we still tend to fall in love with some, and not pay attention, or, on the contrary, to dislike others?

Biologist and anthropologist Helen Fisher (Helen Fisher) states that dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone influence the “chemistry of love and attraction”.

Carl Gustav Jung began to divide people into types. It was with his light hand that such concepts as "introvert" and "extrovert" appeared in psychology. His ideas were later developed and refined in the Mayers-Briggs method, which divides people into 16 personality types.

However, today technology allows you to go beyond simple observation. Fisher analyzed the brains of 2,500 students who were in love on an MRI. As a result of this research and further work, she identified four broad biologically determined styles of thinking and behavior, which she correlates with four broad neurochemical systems. They correspond to four types of personality: Researcher, Builder, Director and Negotiator.

Researcher

Dopamine system predominates

Researchers are attracted by novelty, adventure. They are characterized by intolerance of boredom, impulsiveness, energy and enthusiasm. They are not prone to introspection, since their gaze is directed outward, not inward. These men and women are curious, flexible minds and highly creative. They earn the most - and spend the most.

Ideal romantic partner: Researcher

Builder

Serotonin system predominates

Builders are sociable, rather cautious, tend to follow social norms and rules, respect authority and value order. They love to plan and follow their plans. They know how to control themselves, love details, are religious.

Ideal romantic partner: Builder

Director

Testosterone predominates

The director is a lover of systems, from mechanical to computer, mathematics and engineering. Their interests, though narrow, are deep. They are less sensitive to social norms, less empathic, and less likely to maintain eye contact while talking. They are extremely sensitive to status, self-confident, straightforward, assertive. Despite emotional restraint, they are angry.

Ideal Romantic Partner - Negotiator

Negotiator

Estrogen predominates

Negotiators are excellent at grasping the context, holistic, inclined towards long-term planning. They have good interpersonal qualities, such as empathy, the ability to provide support. They are generous and trustworthy, tend to establish social bonds, and have a good memory for emotionally charged events. They have great imagination and flexible thinking.

Ideal Romantic Partner - Director

So after all, we are attracted by similarities or differences.? According to Fisher, both can be true. It will be very difficult for an inquisitive, adventurous, curious and unauthorized Explorer to get along with a traditionalist Builder who loves rules and respects authority. These two types are more comfortable with people like them.

As for the Director and the Negotiator, they complement each other perfectly. If the Negotiator is able to see the situation from different angles, to take into account all the nuances, then the Director can balance this type with his ability to take decisive action. In turn, the Director does not very well feel the emotions of other people, while the Negotiator can grasp the subtle nuances of the relationship and support his partner in this matter.

Traditionally, it is considered that men are closer to the type of Director, and women are more often Negotiators. But Fischer emphasizes that we are all a combination of all four types. Each has something of each type, the question is which type is the leading one.