2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Faced with parental ignorance, I involuntarily ask myself the question: do parents know about the meaning of "upbringing", do they understand the direction and depth of their influences on the child? According to the dictionary, upbringing is the purposeful formation of a personality in order to prepare it for participation in social and cultural life in accordance with sociocultural normative models. And looking at the relative majority of modern parents in their understanding, upbringing is nothing more than limiting your child from any influences of the external world, which, purely hypothetically, can pose a threat or harm to the child. The main methods of influence here are the framework, restriction, “correct” behavioral models, a ban on interaction with “wrong” peers and total control. Dear parents, do you really believe that your parenting works? Do you really think that you are instilling in the child the kindest and brightest?
Now let's go in order. If upbringing is a PURPOSED personality formation, then it makes sense to talk about the PURPOSES that parents set themselves when raising their daughters and sons. What is your ultimate goal? What intermediate goals do you highlight in the development and formation of your child?
Forgive me for being straightforward, but due to my observations and practical experience, I can highlight the following:
- the creation of "his own kind";
- raising a "comfortable" child;
- a gift to humanity in the form of a "correct", obedient representative of society;
- just the birth of a child without special educational goals, heir and nothing more;
- “family pride”, a child to be proud of and brag about;
- a genius, a talent that would glorify your family.
My question is: where is the formation of PERSONALITY in all this? Where are the creative goals aimed at developing the wonderful human being that has appeared in your family? Where is the child in all this, and not your parental ambitions and Ego?
Among the goals of upbringing, one can single out general and individual ones. By a common goal, we mean the development of such an individual who would easily live in the society he is surrounded by. The task of parents is to raise a person who could socialize and find his “place in the sun” in those cultural, economic, political, moral conditions in which he was destined to be born. But we are not talking about a person who is comfortable for society. We are talking about the ability of this person to live, work, create a family, give birth and raise children in this environment.
As for the individual goal, here we are talking about the development of individuality and the uniqueness of each person. Each child is unique, therefore the task of the parents is to develop his individuality in the conditions of the socio-economic life of society.
Remember that the child is given to you for a while. Your task is to do everything necessary so that your child is not afraid to go into adulthood.
And this is where the fun begins. A child for whom parents solve all school problems, including conflicts in relationships with peers, cannot be an independent person. Don't solve problems for him, TEACH him to do it on his own. By his example, modeling certain difficulties in a safe situation, by the example of movie characters, cartoons, fairy-tale characters. Anyway, just don't take the full blow! Think about solving a child's problems, are you preparing him for adulthood or trying to extinguish your anxiety that your child's relationship with peers is poor? Accusing everyone that they somehow behave differently with your son / daughter, what example of conflict resolution do you set? Let, let your child have YOUR experience. Even if it becomes negative. Let not everything work out the first time. Give him the opportunity to become a PERSONALITY, and not hide behind your skirt.
Relationship with the teacher is not working out? Do not run to accuse the teacher of incompetence! Give your child an opportunity to experiment with an adult. The teacher is older, he should be smarter, do you think? Come on, in real life we are not immune from tyrant bosses or self-centered leaders. Be a TEACHER for your child, not a RESCUEER !!!
Have the performance indicators dropped? And what does this tell you? Lazy? Insolent? Forgot about your direct responsibilities? Have you tried to understand the reason? You treat the consequences with your favorite "medicines" - punishment, restraint, reproaches and threats. But what about the PERSONALITY of the child? What about his inner world? His emotions and feelings? It is possible that the son fell in love. Or maybe experiencing unrequited love? Or he has an internal conflict, reflections on the meaning of life and he does not feel the need to go out of his way to get another high mark. And then what do the school performance indicators mean to him? Nothing! But they are still important to you, for some reason. Grades in school are more important than the emotional experiences of the child. I was wrong?
If you want to be happy parents - educate your personality! Personality - this is a person who INDEPENDENTLY builds, controls his life and bears full responsibility for it.
Learn to let go of your kids. Give them the opportunity to explore life in ALL of its colors. Do not try to put "pillows" under all the rough corners of your child's life. Do not do a disservice to your sons and daughters, do not do them good!
Recommended:
Your Own Life Or A Relay Race From Your Childhood? The Right To Your Life Or How To Escape From The Captivity Of Other People's Scripts
Do we ourselves, as adults and successful people, make decisions on our own? Why do we sometimes catch ourselves thinking: "I am now speaking like my mother"? Or at some point, we understand that the son repeats the fate of his grandfather, and so, for some reason, it is established in the family … Life scenarios and parental prescriptions - what impact do they have on our destiny?
No Contact!!! Or 5 Signs That Your Relationship With Your Child Is Broken
- I do not even know where to start. You understand, lately I have completely ceased to understand my daughter. She does not listen to me, ignores all requests or fulfills after the tenth or thirtieth reminder. She completely neglected her room:
Proven Ways To Encourage Your Child To Do Your Requests
THREE STEPS METHOD If you want something from a child, you don't have to put it in orders or demands. There is a great way to motivate your child to act in the direction you indicate. Step 1 - describe the situation Briefly tell your child why you are asking him to do something.
How To Inhibit Your Relationship With Your Child: 4 Easy Steps
Recently, in one of the sandboxes, a boy of about 8 years old began to take away a toy from Maxim. He already expected that in response to him, as usual, they would yell 😤, but in the process he would take the toy anyway and run away 💪
How To Teach A Child To Kindergarten. 5 Tips For Adapting Your Child To The Garden
In this article I would like to raise a topic that is relevant to many: "How to help a child adapt in the garden." The topic is really important, because all good parents strive to ensure that the child is socialized, so that he enjoys communication and interaction with other children and people.
