No Contact!!! Or 5 Signs That Your Relationship With Your Child Is Broken

Video: No Contact!!! Or 5 Signs That Your Relationship With Your Child Is Broken

Video: No Contact!!! Or 5 Signs That Your Relationship With Your Child Is Broken
Video: No Contact With Kids Together 2024, March
No Contact!!! Or 5 Signs That Your Relationship With Your Child Is Broken
No Contact!!! Or 5 Signs That Your Relationship With Your Child Is Broken
Anonim

- I do not even know where to start. You understand, lately I have completely ceased to understand my daughter. She does not listen to me, ignores all requests or fulfills after the tenth or thirtieth reminder. She completely neglected her room: clothes were scattered about, personal belongings were lying around, at the table there can be candy wrappers, dust, dirt for weeks. If I don’t do the cleaning, it’s going to be a mess. When asked to clean up, he shouts at me, says: "You already got me!" And in general, lately, we only communicate in a raised voice. Not a day without a quarrel. At school, teachers complain that they regularly come to lessons without homework, not prepared. Absenteeism. Before the next test, she begins to complain of poor health, asks to ask for leave from class. Lies periodically. She says she went to the drawing section, and she left with friends for a walk. When asked: "What did you draw today? Show me!" Answers: "Yes, the work is not ready there yet. In the next lesson we will still draw." A couple of times I discovered the loss of money from my wallet. It seems to me that she is not interested in anything at all, except how to hang out around. And the computer! It doesn't turn off for her! Until she once again, through a cry, insists that she stop using it….

I hear stories like this on a regular basis from a parent / s. When, tired of their own powerlessness, adults turn into helpless children and seek support and help from a specialist.

And after hearing another cry from the soul of a parent, on the one hand, it becomes sad, from how little we are prepared for parenting. Not much, because apart from the manuals in the form of dolls and other toys, we do not receive other knowledge in childhood. With the exception of examples of their upbringing and imitation of him in adulthood. On the other hand, the chagrin of the fact that parents (as, in principle, the majority of people who turn to a psychologist) come to consultations when they have already “screwed up” what is called. When you are no longer patient, and ask or demand "magic" from a psychologist, create a miracle with your child in 2-3 meetings. They even say: "You are a psychologist. A specialist. You know all sorts of techniques, methods. He will hear and understand you. Maybe you can influence him / her." Or something similar.

And each time, you have to "translate" the parent / s, what actually lies behind these or those reactions of their child. What it says and why it behaves in a certain way. And the most difficult thing is to convey to an adult that it is necessary to eliminate the reasons that formed "disobedience" in the daughter or son. And these reasons are within the family.

Here is a key phrase in my mother's monologue: “… I completely stopped understanding my daughter. She doesn't listen to me …"

Which means that the mother's contact with the child is broken, they do not hear each other. No, they communicate with each other, they say something to each other, but in contact there is NO understanding - what they say and what they want to convey. Like people speaking different languages. Mom does not understand -> does not know the needs of the daughter - ›The daughter does not obey -> does not hear the needs of the mother. Vicious circle. Of course, there is a way out. It is the restoration of contact - where there is emotional acceptance, closeness, openness, trust.

And now I will tell you about the "beacons" signaling the violation of contact with the child.

So, here are 5 SIGNS that the RELATIONSHIP WITH A CHILD IS VIOLATED:

1. Anger / resentment / irritation at the child - the main "companions" in your interaction. Those. Simply put, you are unhappy with the behavior of your child and regularly experience this gamut of feelings towards him.

2. You feel tired from the process of raising a child. You have to spend a lot of effort in raising him.

Lack of joy and desire to devote time to the child. You feel emotionally drained.

3. The child does not share his experiences with you. He talks little about his life, without details. You do not know how the child lives. You don't know his needs and interests.

4. Past / current parenting methods / strategies are not producing the results you want.

5. You too often resort to different methods of punishment.

Trying to somehow cope with the situation, you either threaten with deprivation of something, or force you to do something.

Of course, this is not the whole list, reflecting that there are difficulties in your relationship. These are the most common and noticeable signs. Using them, you can diagnose your interaction with the child and decide what to do next: leave it as it is (- Come on, these psychologists!) Or start changing the situation, restoring contact. Or maybe find out that everything is fine with you! Then why are you reading these lines? What caught your attention?)

I wish you success in parenting, patience and always in touch, your personal psychologist - Lazareva Evgenia Nikolaevna!

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