2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Why don't various techniques, methods and ways of self-help help? A person who has tried a huge number of approaches and techniques often asks questions: “What is wrong with me? Maybe you need to choose a better technique? Or are psychologists developing the wrong techniques?"
So why does someone really need someone to make a change in life?
Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, believed that any conversation operates on two levels - conscious, which is recognized by the subject, and unconscious. However, in addition to this, the human consciousness also reads the non-verbal signals of the interlocutor. The unconscious level plays a huge role in psychotherapy. Currently, some neurophysiologists studying the nervous system and its structure are studying the processes of mirror neurons. Scientists say that during a conversation, people copy each other's neurons (habits, character, "destiny"). Here is direct evidence of why self-help does not work - it takes someone to copy a different pattern of behavior.
For a broader understanding of this issue, you can read the excellent lecture by Dmitry Shamenkov, which he read at the World Transpersonal Congress. The report is based on the works of Pavlov, Anokhin and new research carried out in laboratories, describes the physiological processes in the human body that are directly related to neurons (how stress occurs in a person, why it leads to diseases, how stress aimed at relaxation becomes the cause of even greater general psychological tension).
What can be said from the point of view of psychology?
1. Everything painful that remains inside a person, not expressed or demonstrated, begins to rot and emit a fetid odor. If the exciting moments are hidden inside the consciousness for too long, they gradually begin to badly influence the personality and act against it.
2. It is impossible to change habits, character, behavior or attitude towards oneself if all the same objects of attachment remain inside. This does not mean that the figures of relatives and close people formed in the consciousness are bad. Probably, their patterns of behavior, which a person unconsciously copied and continues to use in life automatically, no longer work. It takes someone else to change the patterns of behavior. There is no need to change your attitude towards the figures of parents - the contact between mom and dad created a new life, but in this case, a new connection with another person (in particular with a psychotherapist) is needed, which will renew the individual's individuality.
3. The ego of any of us is formed and grows only on the basis of the ego of another person. Accordingly, no one can be more developed and stronger than relatives without additional efforts. In the formation of the Ego, the most important figure for each person is taken as a basis - the mother's figure. With such a mechanism of imprinting, people practically do not differ from animals - we copy the experience, abilities, skills, behavior, the way of thinking and living with our closest relatives.
Thus, if there was not a single businessman in the family, the child cannot know who it is, what qualities he should have, what he should do and what to pay attention to. How to build a business in this case? Only by gaining experience from another businessman.
If there was not a single woman in the family who successfully married, then the girl will not be able to successfully choose a partner - she simply will not have the necessary pattern of behavior.
Anyone cannot do many things that were not in the family, but there is always a way out:
- Does everyone have a depressive and masochistic character in the family? The child will not become a narcissist, will not be satisfied with life. You need to turn to a person who will teach you to enjoy life and receive great moral satisfaction from this.
- There is a desire to build a business, but there were no businessmen in the family? It is important to get experience from a person who does it well, to observe the style and way of his life.
- Do you want a successful marriage? It is necessary to communicate with married women who have successfully married (but here it is important to distinguish between the concept of "successful" - the material side or spiritual intimacy with a spouse).
Thus, unconsciously copying the behavior and habits of the "necessary" people, you can achieve your goal in life.
The psychotherapist's psyche in this matter is the universal key. Especially if the therapist has been working in his field for a long time (10-20 years) and has vast experience in communicating with various people. The characteristics of the psychotherapist's character and his personal life affect the therapy process insignificantly, since the therapist has absorbed various neural connections during his practice and can transfer them to another client.
In most cases, self-help rarely helps anyone. A positive result can only be if in childhood a person had enough resources and support from relatives and friends. Children who were morally humiliated and beaten (mom, dad, grandfather, grandmother) will not be able to advance on their own, like children from families of alcoholics and drug addicts - in this case, a correct and positive pattern is definitely needed in order to return a person's individuality.
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