2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I am writing this article because b OMost of my clients are perfectionists, and they find many excuses for perfectionism: the need to stand out from others, get approval and admiration, avoid punishment, criticism, feelings of shame …
The described motives well reflect the atmosphere of childhood, in which these attitudes were laid: the narcissistic expectations of the parents regarding the child, indulgence of his whims or, on the contrary, excessive criticism, shame for the slightest mistake, the open manifestation of their emotions, desires, views that were condemned by the parents as stupid or unacceptable … As a result, the child separates from himself the "unacceptable" part, replaces his I with the ideal I.
This leads to the formation of punitiveness - a pattern of behavior that manifests itself in impatience with the mistakes of others and their own imperfections, in the desire to blame people who do not meet internal expectations or standards.
A person who is in the grip of this concept devalues the spheres of life that are not associated with his overvalued idea, suppresses the manifestation of "unacceptable" emotions, weaknesses, desires. As a result, he eradicates all living things in himself, subordinating his life to the fulfillment of the once assigned function.
Perfectionism can also act as overcompensation of subjective feelings of inferiority. For example, a girl at a young age was engaged in prostitution, during this period she was subjected to numerous humiliations, violence, and an attitude was formed in her about her own defectiveness, which was subsequently overcompensated by her academic achievements and external gloss; a lot of attention was paid to self-development and aesthetics of appearance in order to look perfect.
There are also known biblical legends about harlots who converted to faith.
Perfectionism may not manifest itself everywhere, but affect only particularly significant areas, probably associated with past traumatic experiences (status perfectionism, intellectual, moral and moral).
So, if one of the most important values of a person is his appearance, he will try to bring it to perfection; if status, then a person will strive for career growth; if the sphere of everyday life and family, then a person will demonstrate his superiority over others in housekeeping and raising children; if the sphere is intellect, it will demonstrate intellectual superiority; if moral, then the moral and moral way of life will be set as an example.
If such a person encounters in others a discrepancy with his perfectionist orientations, he resorts to attempts to blame and shame dissenters.
This happens because the manifestation of weakness in a certain area is, for some reason, under the strictest prohibition (for example, "I cannot afford to look incompetent", "I cannot afford to speak freely about my erotic fantasies", "I cannot even allow myself to think badly of others "," I cannot afford to rest "," I cannot afford to be frivolous, silly "," I cannot afford to look imperfect ", etc.).
This prohibition serves as a "crutch" for a person and may even be his semantic foundation.
However, guarding this "crutch", a person loses touch with his needs, and as a result discovers that he has not lived for a long time, but serves his internal conflicts.
Recommended:
The Most Perfect And Perfect. Why Is She Alone?
How often do you come across girls or women who, at first glance, are doing well, but after getting to know her better, it turns out that she cannot find her love, although she really wants and suffers from the fact that she still cannot meet her?
"I Was The Perfect Mother Until I Had Children" (cit.)
"I was the perfect mother until I had children." (cit.) Meeting your own motherhood can take place in different ways. And it depends not only on planning, the degree of responsibility and material preparedness. With the birth of a child, an interesting event takes place in the psyche of a woman - identification with the child and her own mother.
"Perfect Psychotherapist". Who Wants To Test Themselves?
When I first got acquainted with J. Kottler's trilogy "Being a psychotherapist / Imperfect psychotherapist and the perfect psychotherapist" I could not tear myself away, because in these books there was a lot that was in tune with my practice.
"Perfect" Vs "Good Enough"
To strive for an “ideal” rating is: to be constantly in over-tension, not an effort to do better, but over-tension; constantly fight with yourself, with others, with the world around you; not achieve a state of satisfaction or pleasure from the result;
"ANOREXIA" - LOVE HER, ADMIT - IT'S PERFECT
My weakness took my life. I am a cheerful sociable person, I like to dance, run in the morning, spend time with friends … But now this is in the past. Over the past year, I have examined everything that is possible: the brain, blood vessels, thyroid gland - everything is in order.
