2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How often do you come across girls or women who, at first glance, are doing well, but after getting to know her better, it turns out that she cannot find her love, although she really wants and suffers from the fact that she still cannot meet her?
I get the impression that there are more and more of them.
What's the problem?
Let's try to figure it out. What a person thinks and how he acts who has excessive demands on himself and others.
She is called an idealist and perfectionist. She doesn't deny. She really had achieved a lot by her 35 years. The work is excellent, the position is high, I bought a car, turned the apartment into a cozy nest, rests 2 times a year wherever I want, looks after herself and the latest trends in fashion. In general, life is good.
But there is one small "but". Relationships don't add up. Those who fit her high standards are already married, and those who are free do not fit her high standards. Straight some kind of vicious circle turns out. Sometimes, one just wants to complain about the insidious fate. But we won't. We will try to figure out why the man who would ideally fit our heroine has not yet been born. What is she hiding from behind her idealization? Why does she need her at all?
And here the answer to the question will help us: where did she get the criteria for her ideal? How does she know that it is possible to build an ideal relationship with such a man?
The answer lies on the surface. This ideal is broadcast to her every day from TV screens, they write in fashion magazines, etc. The main idea is this - make yourself better and your prince is in your pocket. She accepts these rules of the game, memorizes the instructions for finding the perfect man by heart and launches the program into action.
In an ideal family, there are no difficulties, difficulties, misunderstandings, quarrels, resentments and everything that happens in ordinary, "imperfect" families. In an ideal family, only joy, love, harmony and enchanting sex live. How can it be without him)
I, of course, now exaggerate. But, after all, our heroine does not know what the middle path is. Only I am doing this to enhance the effect, and she will for sure and seriously.
We remember that our heroine is very smart, and she, of course, realizes that not everything is so simple. However, he cannot help himself. After all, if she agrees to an ordinary relationship, she will face everything that she does not want to face “for any price,” or rather is afraid.
Because it all leads to disappointment. We'll have to face the fact that he sees you at first "without makeup", then that you are out of sorts, then, you don't know how to cook his favorite borscht as his mother cooks it, because he loves action movies, and you are an arthouse, that he loves beer, and you are wine and go and go.
In general, you understand where I am leading - disagreements are inevitable, dissatisfaction with each other is growing and the clarification of the relationship becomes ominously real. In such conditions, it is more and more difficult to be ideal and idealize a man. And she does not know how to negotiate, or does not want to or cannot, because what, then, is the ideal. The ideal is when everything is by default, when I looked at him, and he understood everything, without words, he went and did it. And so. sheer disappointment. How to survive it, how to cope with it, how to love after that?
In the end, the choice is either to go towards your disappointment or to enjoy your perfection alone.
What it means to go to meet your disappointment is
- to feel and get acquainted with your own disappointment. Yes, everyone has their own and looks different.
- to experience disappointment, - to realize what it means to me to be disappointed, - develop a new attitude towards your frustration
- try to deal with your frustration in a new way.
Perhaps it sounds too clever and incomprehensible, perhaps boring and boring. That again you need to "dig into yourself", to overcome something?
But, if you look at this list as a table of contents in a book, it becomes clear that it will become interesting only if you revive it with your life story, fill it with your own meanings, write your own book. Eventually become the author of your own life.
Agree the task is difficult, but it seems to me that the game is worth the candle.
Alla Kishchinskaya
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