The Results Of Psychotherapy

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Want to put yourself on a show? Ask a question to psychotherapists what result of their work they guarantee. I mean long-term work, and not one-time ad hoc consultations of a specialist. The answers are usually very polarized. At one end there will be representatives of a self-confident caste who guarantee any result, just come to them. For some reason, supporters of fast, innovative, state-of-the-art methods often find themselves in this camp. Perhaps the psychologist is the only representative of the new direction of some kind of omega therapy. It's tempting, of course, but it scares me.

At the other extreme, a group of specialists who will never give advice, never promise anything, immediately load the client with responsibility for themselves and for the process. They say that the psychologist will not do anything for you, and do not ask … Here more often I see representatives of respected and numerous areas: psychoanalysis, gestalt, psychodrama.

You can laugh, but what if there is a need to find a specialist in a helping profession to cope with your difficulties? What to expect from collaboration? Don't demand anything at all and “eat what they give”? Or read a bunch of books yourself and supervise a psychologist? Neither one looks promising, but rather a new problem. So people are sitting, having read the Internet, in complete confusion. And when it’s already completely unbearable, they go to the one who has the nicer site. Or free of charge at the clinic. Or some kind of installation roofing felts, substitution roofing felts helped the neighbor, I’ll go. Or give up …

On the other hand, psychotherapy, as a long, slow and non-violent process, in my opinion, cannot be formalized. The endless debate about "evidence-based psychotherapy" rests on the simple fact that if someone from the outside undertakes to evaluate a person's behavior, he willy-nilly makes him an object of research, depersonalizes him. I personally do not like at all when they look at me as an outlandish monkey for experiments. Let's say a person stuttered, but after 5 sessions he stopped. Profit, applause, champagne! Come only to us, we will cure you! And how is his life going on? Maybe stuttering used to be the way others listen to it? The interlocutor is tormented, it is difficult for him to speak. Shut up, let me finish. And this shy man was fully heard. And now his indecision remained with him, and they stopped listening to him. Doubtful bonus.

The evidence-based approach is very fond of parents who bring their children "for correction." They need guarantees, a price list. You pay the bill and get an updated version of your child with corrected deficiencies. Moreover, it is clear that it was the parents who dubbed this feature a bug. Let's say a child lies, skips, wants nothing, steals money, is rude. It's scary to think that, in fact, part of this is a normal stage of development, and the other part is the heritage of the parents. And you need to understand it there. To retrain programmers, not a program.

Many adults also treat themselves as an object of correction and improvement. They also require something to be removed, cut off. Or do it quickly.

Psychotherapy works with the subjective inner world of a person. Through attunement (somatic resonance, mirror neurons, empathy, sensitivity), the therapist notices something in himself that resonates with the client's world. And this allows the client to get to know himself a little better.

And this is where I step onto very thin ice. Because there is a temptation in such a "muddy water" to blame all the failures, blunders and mistakes of teamwork on the client. Like, this is all he - resists, slows down, does not eat my wonderful potion. Nothing changes from that.

Meanwhile, those who risked to come to a psychologist for help, have already invested time and money, made a very important step, admitting that they cannot cope on their own … And immediately humiliate him with their distrust, they say, "what if you are actually going to juggle?" not good.

For myself, I highlight the results that tell me about productive collaboration. I cannot guarantee them, but if they do not appear, then most likely I am useless for this client. It would be more honest to admit it. Here's what I lean on

The person becomes less afraid of himself. At first, I observe rather startling, fading, and then the denial of something new, not very pleasant. Let's say a client noticed that he was crying. And from childhood he learned that only weaklings and girls cry. This is a breakthrough for me, but horror for the client! He is tense and denies everything. Over time, the reaction is replaced rather by sadness, there are pauses for the realization and acceptance of this fact. The body becomes less tense, the breathing is deeper, the voice is softer. The tension suddenly goes away. As if a long-kept SCARY SECRET turned out to be a trifle, because of which you can now smile. The face is amazingly transformed, some kind of light and wisdom appears in it.

The client begins to allow himself more in our contact. Begins a little "risking" our connection, pulling the string. Stops currying favor and playing good. Begins to trust his “bad” feelings more. This is a great result for me. In any case, the therapist initially plays the role of a parent metaphorically. And if the client becomes freer, then he gets something important and can grow some of his parts, which in childhood did not receive the necessary support. Or, on the contrary, he stops playing bad, and suddenly shows warmth and sympathy for me.

A person is slowly beginning to see me as an ordinary person. It happens in the little things. Suddenly it becomes interesting what is going on with me. How I deal with my difficulties. At first, taking off my imaginary "smart doctor's gown" is very scary. Because it's scary to trust. Usually this one of the most ambitious results of collaboration, goes almost unnoticed.

The client develops some new traits that become part of his personality. I remember myself. I really like to argue, disagree. I see in this some of my strength - to have an opinion. This turned out to be more important than the contract and hurt me a lot - few people like to communicate with disputants. And then suddenly I noticed that I easily and without tension agree with the interlocutor. I nod lightly and the habitual desire to impose my opinion everywhere does not rise. Or a client who used to accept any of my experiments, and then toiled with a headache, suddenly realizes that she can refuse my offer without hesitation simply because she does not want to. And in life, she now knows how to refuse inconvenient work, unnecessary workload in the parent committee and does not feel guilty. This is a very pleasant result. He is suddenly realized. You look back and realize that this was not in your luggage before.

A person becomes more careful and tolerant of himself. At first, the client speaks of himself in a derogatory, accusatory, evil manner. For any mistake, real or imagined, he punishes himself. The paradox is that by dividing oneself into an accusing and guilty part, it is not possible to appropriate the experience that was received. Gradually comes the understanding that everyone is wrong. And the experience does not appear by itself. Thoughtfulness appears. One brutal client somehow casually noticed, after 7 meetings, that he sometimes began to feel sorry for himself. I almost jumped on the chair! Only two months of work and such a high-quality result! There are also talented people. It took me much longer.

The most important thing for me is that there is a choice. If a person has discovered something in himself, but decided not to change anything, this is his full right. After all, who said that after the changes, life will be more pleasant and happier? There is no method to guarantee happiness. A woman, according to her description, lived with a rude, taciturn dork. Rugmya scolded him. And then I gradually realized that he would knock in the face of the offender, and that he would rush to change the wheel 100 kilometers away, and provide for the whole family. Everything is also rude and silent. And she’s actually grateful for that. She began to notice this and life, her personal subjective life, became more pleasant. Although nothing seems to have changed. Although no, she often began to thank him for what he had done, and he seemed to even begin to listen to her sometimes. By the way, we spent a long time figuring out why it is so difficult to feel gratitude. And how vulnerable she becomes at the same time, and how she loses control levers with the help of her resentment, and how against his background she feels tender and good, but for this he must remain rude and bad. So the advice from kitchen psychology “you just start thanking” doesn't work. If it were that simple, therapy would not be needed.

I strive to provide the space and interaction in the office in which you can do what there is simply nowhere else to do. This freedom allows you to get stronger internally, become more sensitive and attentive to yourself, regain your inner right to choose how to live. In my opinion it is worth the effort. And the changes … They will be, but perhaps not at all those that at the beginning of the work seemed so attractive. They will be inside. And they will stay with you forever.