Marriage Is A Divorce From Your Parents And An Alliance With A Partner

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Most of us love and practice rituals. True, without really thinking about why they should be performed. I really liked the tradition offered by the systemic family psychotherapist Karl Whitaker. This is a good foundation for those who decide to start a family.

I quote:

"Recently I had to use the big family meeting method to combat the greatest lie of our world:" I did not marry your little family."

As I have said many times, I believe that marriage is not an event between two people, but a contract between two families. It doesn't matter whether families are directly involved, whether they know about it, approve or not.

I recently suggested that the groom bring his and the bride's family together for a pre-wedding meeting so that the two families can get to know each other before the usual anger develops against the woman or man who has kidnapped "our" child.

Here's a way to prevent the usual nightmare of mutual disgust that could reign among families for the next 30 years.

To everyone's amazement, the day before the wedding, such a two-hour meeting of eighteen people with a video camera took place. Its outcome turned out to be surprisingly favorable for everyone, including me.

I tried to "soften" the system, saying that the bride and groom should get to know each other better, and therefore decided to hold a meeting where you can imagine a picture of upbringing in the family where he or she used to live.

I warned young people that marriage often becomes a two-way pseudo-therapeutic competition, where one is both therapist and patient for the other. And marriage is also a struggle for the one who creates a new family according to the model of his parents' family.

In a two-hour meeting, topics of family philosophies, examples of different lifestyles, some myths were intertwined, the question was discussed why one family always tried to keep the peace, while the other always fought. The meeting was warm and free, despite the fact that two parents of one of the young had not met since the divorce.

At the end of the meeting, two pairs of parents unanimously read a statement written by the young, in which they (the parents) renounced the right to control the lives of their children and let their child go to a new life.

This could be a new ritual through which behavioral science, becoming a new religion, would help a person divorce his parents' family and marry someone else's family. Such a ritual would invite parents to join the league of two families. If rituals usually bind and unite individuals, then this ritual would unite two families."

Photos from the vastness of the Internet.