2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Quite often, this question is of interest to young people (both girls and boys). Will I have a family? Will I meet exactly the girl (man) that I like? Such experiences are quite natural! But how to let go of the marriage situation and stop thinking about possible loneliness?
This topic worries more people at a young age, because they do not have enough experience in relationships (against the background of a hormonal surge, they really want to start a relationship with the opposite sex, but they did not face all the difficulties in a couple). Often, the level of anxiety decreases when we find the desired partner (I have a man / woman). The actual formalization of relations is currently of concern to few. Basically, the feeling of anxiety arises from the need to be in a relationship, because of the unconscious instinctive need to meet “our” person (we all want to feel warmth, comfort, tenderness, etc.).
The next age group subject to such experiences is people aged 30-40 years. There is another reason here - anxiety for their status in society. In our society, an unspoken rule is adopted - if you have a man, then you are a normal woman. The situation is similar with the opposite sex, but in men this condition manifests itself closer to 40 years (“I am a normal man, because I have a wife!”).
In fact, anxiety and feelings about status have rather deep psychological roots. This is a low self-esteem, a derogatory feeling "I am not-!" (not good enough, not normal enough, unworthy, if I do not meet the generally accepted requirements and criteria in society).
If you have anxiety about meeting “your” person, you should carefully analyze all the accompanying factors. There is an unconscious need to get married, live together with a partner, show others your status (“Look, I have a wife / husband!”) - you have self-esteem problems. As a rule, such people cannot respect themselves for their existing merits and positive qualities ("I am quite a normal person! Everything is fine with me, and I do not need any confirmation of status!"), Do not approve of their behavior and actions (in a projection manner through other people, believing that others think badly of them).
How to deal with low self-esteem anxiety? Shift the focus of attention from other people to yourself - become a worthy person for yourself. Exactly that worthy person whom you dream of meeting. We always meet a partner based on the principle of psychological development, and your level will be approximately the same. What does this mean? If you constantly meet unworthy people, then you have a lot of bugs inside. Thus, your psyche is trying to signal: "Please help me, correct me!" The other person is always a mirror for us, and no matter how it seems to us that something is wrong with your partner, he is angry and aggressive, accept the fact that the same amount of negativity sits inside your unconscious! Start with your development. Do something fun, just love life with or without your partner. In such situations, it is very important to get a sense of dignity and respect for yourself, to have a favorite thing (it is not necessary to go into it with your head, it is quite enough to devote half an hour a day to the lesson, but you need to understand that this is exactly what "gives birth" to the light inside you, inspires, makes you move on). And even one favorite hobby will put you an order of magnitude higher in relation to competitors.
Ask yourself a direct question: "What is worse for me - to live my whole life alone or to live my life with an unloved person?" The worries of not meeting "their" person makes many to strike up relationships with the wrong people. If you understand for yourself and decide that “it’s better to do it yourself, and not with just anyone”, it will be much easier for you to live, the level of anxiety will decrease, and you will be able to enter into a relationship with great dignity.
What will happen to you if in your entire life you cannot meet “your” person? Let's say you are destined to live to 90, 100, 120 years, and you live your life alone. What will become of you? How will you feel? What will you do? Can you handle it?
If you fail, and the anxiety is so strong that the strongest uncontrollable fear arises, it is worth visiting a psychotherapist. In this state, a person's inner negativity is brewing, and he will definitely not be able to meet “his” person. A therapist can help you work through attachment injuries.
That is why, when you can honestly and positively answer all questions ("I feel comfortable and so!"), You will live and enjoy every day you have lived, work, develop, communicate with friends, relax, pay attention to some interests in life, you will become interesting to others, and your circle of potential partners will expand significantly.
As a rule, when the tension in the zone “Oh my God, I so want a relationship, I want a family!” Decreases, the right person appears nearby. And then it doesn't matter at all whether the marriage is formalized or not, you just feel good together. Learn to live in comfort and pleasure with yourself, then your partner will feel good next to you.
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