2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Imagine a picture.
House. Private two-storey house. Outwardly, it is very representative, the decoration is good, euro windows, even a garden is laid out in the yard. We go inside. Euro renovation, furniture is expensive and comfortable. But somehow it's uncomfortable. Let's take a closer look: the feeling of artificiality, artificial fruits on the table, plastic, some kind of doll interior items, a fake fireplace that does not heat, dripping from the canvas in the corner. Looking closely at the corners, joints, pushing the furniture, we see mold, rot seeping through the walls. Yes, and on closer inspection, we will see cracks, chips, abrasions outside. There is a feeling that the house is crooked. And, like the leaning tower of Pisa, it leans towards the horizon. It's about the foundation. It was laid not very efficiently, with defects. The builders did it unintentionally. They just didn't know how to do it. They tried and focused on how others are doing, not on how to do it.
Let's continue our inspection of the house: the door leading to the cellar has not been opened for a long time, if at all. The door is overgrown with cobwebs, moss and rusted.
If we still try and enter the cellar, we will hope to see stocks for the winter or aged wine in barrels, as a valuable heritage from our ancestors, but, alas, the cellar, in fact, is raw, desolate, there is no light, and the feeling of some then fear. If we turn on the flashlight, we will hear and even see rats scattering somewhere in the corners. If you look closely and do not get scared, then in the old closet you can find someone's skeletons.
Uncomfortable, dark, damp, scary, uncomfortable.
Let's go into the house. The kitchen smells of cigarette smoke and cheap liquor. Opening the cabinets, we see a mess: everything is piled up in a heap, there is only one fast food in the refrigerator.
The office is a creative mess. On the table are various documents, glossy magazines, cheap books for easy pastime, romance novels. It is not clear what the work is going on at the moment. There is simply no work plan.
Everything in the bedroom is outwardly clean, and even the pastels have been removed. But the bed, if you sit on it, creaks, falls through and humps are felt. Somewhere even crumbs of food. And even in the closet in the bedroom, you can find your skeletons.
What's in the attic? There, too, rarely appeared. A lot of cobwebs, dark, and some rustles. If you shine a light, we will notice how cockroaches scatter into the darkness. Some midges are flying, and the window in the depths barely lets light through, because it is dusty and dirty.
And how is it in the yard?
Like flowers, flower beds, a path to the garden. But when approaching the flowers, only a few rows of fresh flowers are visible, the rest is all artificial. In the yard there is an abandoned and dusty swing that has not been used for a long time. They only remind of childhood. It seems to be clean, but somehow abandoned and does not feel soulful.
But the fence is solid, tall and impenetrable. Such fences are built when they want to hide from others, when they do not want to show their property and their life to others. This is the fear and mistrust of the owner.
The owner himself is constantly absent, rarely appears at home. Constantly visiting, at attractions, at meetings and parties.
How do you like the picture? And this is reality. This is your painting. And you are this master
House - it is you. Facade is your appearance, your actions and how you want to look. Like the facade, you look after yourself, you are interested in looking serious, personable and successful at all costs.
Foundation - these are your beliefs, beliefs and values that you inherited from childhood from your parents and relatives. We received the education that we received. And on the basis of these values, habits and rules that we have absorbed, we build our future life. Few people think to revise their foundation for errors and defects. And they are. Psychotraumas, events, phrases and incidents, after which we experienced shame, guilt, resentment, fear and anger, remained. You can't just see them, because they are hidden by a mountain of past years, events, attitudes that simply allow you not to remember the bad and find excuses for everything.
Basement - these are your roots, your family, parents, family secrets and connection with relatives. Each of us has a basement not in the best condition. Someone has obvious problems with their parents, unforgiven and unacceptable childhood grievances. Others seem to have good relations with their parents, but only if you recall, there will be events and situations in which you felt guilty, ashamed, offended and misunderstood. You seem to have forgotten these cases, but they continue to live in you and are reflected in the fact that you cannot fully open up to your relatives, you feel your guilt or duty to your parents. Your chest hurts when you think about your relatives, about what you could have given but did not give, about what they could have given you but did not. We each have our own family skeletons. Moments that were, but we did not work them out. They just hid it so as not to interfere with life. And what is important, not only the skeletons of your childhood, but also those of your parents are making themselves felt. The genus accumulates unsolved problems, which only create additional burden for the next generations. It is not known who will get the chance to work out other people's mistakes.
Kitchen are your energy sources. Your lifestyle, your eating habits. Most of us are neglectful of our body and health. While we are young, we do not feel problems, the body compensates. We believe that we will always feel cheerful. But everything that you put into yourself (literally and figuratively) will make itself felt. Everything accumulates and once gives an answer in the form of diseases, low energy, poor health. Our habits will pay dividends to us sooner or later. We do not know how to live in the future, we do not think about what will bring momentary desires for us and our health in the future. We simply do not know how to listen to ourselves and our body.
Your office - these are your deeds, your activities and your thoughts. Not only do we not like to clean our desk, but in business we do not always know how and love to plan. If you don't know where you are going, you will go where others want. It is difficult for us to prioritize, constantly keep our willpower in good shape and move in the chosen direction. We spray ourselves, take on everything and agree to go to rest, just not to do tedious work. We do not know how to focus and give our best. Only when the rooster bites do we start twitching, and so we put it off for later. The inconsistency and clutter in the head give rise to the same in life. You are not in control of your life and your 1440 minutes in a day, but others (people, events, desires) control you.
And the attic - this is your head, in which there is darkness, and cockroaches, and dampness, and a disorder of thoughts. If the roof is leaking, it makes no sense to look for pots and buckets. The roof needs to be patched up. We often rush to the problem and try to deal with the consequences. But we don't even think about the reasons. The reasons are always in us, the reasons are always in our head. It is our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes that lead to what we have. We almost never revise our attic. We do not remove the obsolete, unnecessary, ineffective. We do not like to part with the usual thoughts and beliefs. They are dear to us, because they once served us faithfully. And we believe that they will continue to help us. We are conservatives and this is dangerous. We do not know how and are afraid to be flexible and admit our mistakes.
Unpleasant, right? But just what you don't like and hurt you is that unsightly truth about you that you don't want to look for in yourself.
But there is renovation, there are fashion accessories, furniture, things in the house. Externally, the house is elite, beautiful and attractive.
But not everyone sees even the external beauty, since a high fence hides the truth from others.
The most amazing thing is that the owner is aware of the whole truth. He knows that his home is mostly just a beautiful façade. He is scared, disgusting, unpleasant to delve into the minuses, shortcomings at home. After all, you have to admit to yourself, first of all, that most of the house is all about appearing, not about being. And it's scary. And then all this is changed, repaired, corrected. Long, hard and uncomfortable. It is better to go on a visit and find flaws, bloopers and jambs there. In someone else's eye you will see a log, but in yours …
We put ourselves in the shell, in the periphery, in the wrapper. It is important for us to seem, not to be. And we wonder why things are so bad with us. Constant depression, it is unpleasant to be alone with yourself, a feeling of slipping away chances, guilt and resentment towards others, problems in the family, in relationships. Difficulty in achieving goals, in motivation, in business. No money, no profit, employees - a headache. And life is an eternal struggle, war and suffering.
We are running from the root cause of our problems. We go to trainings, read smart books, go headlong into work, get hooked on watching endless TV series, or just zombie ourselves daily with TV. There are an infinite number of seemingly useful and serious activities for, supposedly, self-improvement, but this resembles the desire to jump immediately to 2 or 3 steps, skipping the first.
Someone believes that happiness is in money, and chases after them. Others who have become successful with money, sooner or later come to the feeling that for some reason there is no happiness.
It’s unpleasant, it’s scary. Just turn off all sounds, everything around and look back. Look around, look ahead and see where you are going and where you will come.
It is scary and disgusting from the mere thought that you will understand and feel the "emptyness" of your existence. That everything that you did, what you went to, that you appreciated - all this is a cover, a screen.
We are all stuck in some kind of matrix. We came up with our own world, where we are always the best, we are right and we live in it. It is dangerous if the outer shell bursts and everyone sees your true face, your vulnerability, your fears, mistakes, failures.
Therefore, we are like squirrels in a wheel, running in a circle, all accelerating. We are investing more and more in the outer shell. More things, more accessories, more money, more pathos, seriousness, arrogance, arrogance, rudeness and eccentricity. We believe that if it is enough to overgrow with a thick, thick shell of chic, glamor, seriousness and prosperity, then it will be possible to hide from oneself and from others the darkness, dampness and abomination of the inner unsatisfied world.
The soul will whine and wait for attention. And nothing that a person is chasing will shut the mouth of your soul.
Look inward. Cleanse your most hidden corners of the soul and psyche, then everything you want from the outside will come to you immediately
Psychology will not help, it will only distract you from working on yourself. Only psychotherapy, only systematic work on yourself and with yourself can change you.
Recommended:
How To Stop Criticizing Yourself And Start Supporting Yourself? And Why Can't The Therapist Tell You How Quickly He Can Help You?
The habit of self-criticism is one of the most destructive habits for a person's well-being. For internal well-being, first of all. On the outside, a person can look good and even successful. And inside - to feel like a nonentity that cannot cope with its life.
Does Your Wife Cheat? How Do You Know If Your Wife Is Cheating?
Does your wife cheat? Men by their genetics are prone to one-time and casual intimate relationships, for them the concepts of "sex" and "love" practically do not coincide, intersecting only when a man is in a state of love.
What Does Codependency Consist Of?
Codependency is a semantic construct that has gained immense popularity over the past ten years, while at the same time being the target of strong professional criticism. Specialists often refuse to seriously use the term "codependency"
What Do You Allow Yourself !? And You Call Yourself A Psychologist
Good afternoon dear friends! We continue to develop the topic about therapy, about its stages, about the attitude to the client's therapy at its different stages. A couple of days ago I mentioned that there is a phase when the therapist and the client start working on the "
What Is Psyche? What Does The Human Psyche Consist Of?
A funny and rather inexplicable paradox - all psychologists widely use the terrible word "psyche" on YouTube and various social networks, but … almost no one bothered to explain what it means! Let's start with a simple one - with the meaning of this word.
