2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In modern society, there is a lot of discussion about low and high self-esteem. About unhealthy narcissism, superiority and insignificance.
There are as many as there are those who in childhood were driven into the framework of the need to meet some ideal and other people's requirements. Most often, without taking into account the personality and talents of the child. Then they began to be ashamed of themselves when something did not work out, when the son or daughter of their mother's friend was set as an example and always turned out to be better, the need to meet someone's expectations or to become ideal in everything grew more and more. In the end, a child grew into an adult who did not know how great it is to be yourself without shame and fear of rejection.
Try to see yourself as just a person. As ordinary as 7.4 billion other people living on this planet. Among which at least 1-2% have the same abilities as you. At first glance, this may seem daunting.
But you can't even imagine how easy it is to be simple, ordinary, ordinary. After all, then the burden of unjustified other people's expectations placed on you is automatically removed.
And then what happens is:
1) IT'S NOT SO BAD.
You are not nothing. Not the worst.
But, you are not a genius either. Since they have not yet become a world champion or a Nobel laureate, they have not been included in the Guinness Book of Records. You are an ordinary person who needs to develop their talents. That is, learn and work hard. And the result will pleasantly surprise you.
2) IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE WRONG.
All people are usually wrong. You are a simple person, just like everyone else. And you also have the right to make mistakes. Remember how you worked on mistakes at school? Likewise in adulthood. Correcting mistakes is the appropriation of your experience. And experience is the most valuable thing. It builds the foundation for future success.
3) SOMETHING NOT TO KNOW IS NORMAL.
There are no absolutely omniscient people. Since you are an ordinary person, you may not know something. And I’m not ashamed to admit it. This is fine. This opens up the opportunity to gain new knowledge. You can learn all your life. There are books, internet, courses, trainings, education, professional development.
4) FEELING OF INSECURITY WILL GONE.
You are an ordinary person. Imperfect like the other 7.4 billion people.
All people have their own characteristics, advantages and disadvantages.
5) GET RID OF TOXIC SHAME.
You will stop feeling ashamed for not being perfect. This is the path to acceptance and self-love. With all your cockroaches, memory. the shape of the nose or thighs.
6) STOP COMPARING YOURSELF WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
You will no longer compare yourself to the ideal image either from the cover of a magazine, or to the once created expectations of your parents. And stop striving for it. He's not yours. They put it on you like someone else's coat - not suitable for you in size, style, age. From the pedestal, the son or daughter of my mother's friend, the one who took away your loved one, will deafeningly collapse.
7) YOUR SELF-ESTIMATION DOESN'T NEED ANY MORE APPROVAL.
You will no longer depend on the opinions and criticism of others. And even from mom, dad, loved one, best friend. And from strangers too. You no longer have to wait and hope to get approval, praise, more likes on social media. networks to boost your self-esteem.
8) FEEL EASY IN COMMUNICATION.
The people around are also ordinary.
That is, having realized and accepted our own ordinariness and ordinariness, we begin to see it in others. The image that the other is perfect is scattered. Or insignificant. You are surrounded by ordinary people just like you. Communicating on an equal footing is easy, casual and damn comfortable.
9) STRENGTHEN YOUR BORDERS.
This is about saying NO on time and not allowing yourself to be used, sitting on your neck. You are just as ordinary a person as another. And you have the right to your desires, to want or not to want to do something.
10) WILL NOT SAVE ANYONE MORE.
The need for self-sacrifice and salvation will disappear. Other people can take care of themselves as well as you. And there is no need to sacrifice yourself, your interests, time, money, health for the sake of their convenience. They are just as common. They are not helpless. And you are not an almighty superman.
11) LOVE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE DEERED ANY MORE.
Stop idolizing your loved one, trying to please in everything. Look at your loved one as an equal. The wife is not your mother, you do not need to "obey" her. Man is not God. And you don't have to give your soul to him. He is just as ordinary a person as you are. Only with a penis.
12) FEAR OF REJECTION WILL GONE, FEAR OF BEING ABANDONED.
It will be easier to worry about parting, breaking up relations with a partner.
He / she left or stopped calling, texting, asking out on dates, not because something is wrong with you. Both of you are ordinary people. People in relationships try how comfortable they are with each other. The stage at which we see each other as ordinary people with our own merits and demerits is inevitable. After him, partners can part if the relationship began to bring more displeasure than pleasure.
13) SEARCH FOR PERFECT PARTNER IS CANCELED.
You will stop jumping from one relationship to another in search of the perfect father for your unborn child or the best woman. Look at your exes as ordinary people, each with their own set of pros and cons. When deciding to start a family with this or that person, we first of all choose his shortcomings. And he is yours. It is impossible to remake the other for yourself. And there are no perfect ones. We are all ordinary people.
14) YOU DON'T BLAME ANYMORE, DO NOT PUNISH YOURSELF.
The inner critic and the inner strict, punishing parent will give way to the supportive and caring parent.
Imagine how happy you will be if an ordinary person managed to do something even better than you expected from yourself! The average person is genuinely happy about their success. And the success of others without envy and the feeling of inferiority.
15) GIVE YOURSELF THE RIGHT TO CREATE AND ACT.
Now you can do what you have always feared. Hooray! You will be able to finally launch a new business, change the direction of your activity. Or unleash your creativity. For you will cease to experience the feeling of shame and despair of the fact that there is already someone better in this area. Since so many people can do it, you can do it too. We are all just ordinary people.
You see, what can happen to you if you shift the focus from "I am the best" and "I am the worst" to something in between?
In psychoanalytic therapy with a client, we, like a husk, remove other people's expectations, carefully work through fears and fears. It turns out that you can talk about them and the therapist does not faint with horror and disgust. This is how acceptance happens. And meeting with yourself as with a simple person without other people's labels. So there will be a chance to be yourself, be spontaneous and live according to someone else's scenario.
It's not scary. It turns out that the parents were also ordinary people. And the therapist is an ordinary person. And the boss. And husband or wife.
A huge amount of energy is released, which was previously spent on protecting one's vulnerability and striving to conform to other people's ideals.
And now the client can direct all this energy to the realization of his desires, talents, love and work.
If you feel that you are ashamed of your own imperfection, you are afraid that you will not succeed in what others are doing so well, you are sensitive to criticism, endlessly compare yourself with someone, depend on the opinions of others - perhaps after reading this article you will decrease anxiety and you will begin to understand that being ordinary is not so bad, you will feel interest in yourself - perhaps you will want to get to know better and meet real yourself.
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