How Can You Learn To Be Happy?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Mom said that her generation had a general ban on joy. Real, overt emotions and feelings had to be hidden, while some socially approved attitudes and expressions were welcomed and encouraged. “The teacher is always right”, “The child should be seen but not heard”, “You cannot argue with parents” - these were the beliefs our parents were guided by when they grew up under the strict supervision of their parents (of course, who wished them well). Secretly from supervision - and, mainly, in the soul - our mothers and fathers sometimes, like all ordinary people, desperately criticized the unjust teacher, sobbed, burying their noses in the pillow, and wondered why the sequence of the CPSU congresses had surrendered to a conscientious citizen.

In the relationship between parents and children, there is an unshakable trend: children always reflect the repressed aspect of the parents. A parent, who dreamed of singing on stage, but, according to the teachings of his elders, flopped into the chair of an economist, is simply bound to have a little rock artist. Thus, children fulfill their an important function for the development of consciousness in society: They encourage parents to see what they have suppressed in themselves and to embrace these suppressed aspects.

Unsurprisingly, a generation of people who suppressed resentment, anger and other natural emotions produced rebels open to self-expression and sensitive to the slightest injustice ("troubled millennials!")

Particularly brilliant representatives of the generation of the 90s sincerely wondered how a teacher could be right if he chooses to publicly humiliate a student, and opposed the distribution in the play, where the director's daughter from year to year received the role of the main character.

There was almost no room for simulated seriousness. The teachers, hardened by dogma, resisted the onslaught of young people and drove their pitchforks into rebellion, giving birth to uncertainty and depression in the hearts of young people.

It turned out that the younger generation has acquired a skill in expressing sadness, sadness, frustration, frustration and cynicism. Emotions of the "lower" spectrum guaranteed recognition in the social group. The joyful expression of love seemed to be the property of a select, attractive and rare charismatic people. They were strived for, and they were envied. They wanted to be.

Contrary to the religious incitement about the original sinfulness of man, today we realize more and more clearly that true human nature is love, friendliness and creativity.

It is a natural human condition to be joyful and open. We always have a free choice.

When we feel depressed, it means we choose to be depressed. Why, you ask, can a reasonable person choose to be depressed? Let's get a look.

Imagine that you grew up in a family where it was shameful to rejoice. Shameful means dangerous. Fun was considered a quality of fools, and you, as an intelligent element of society, were supposed to behave with restraint, "be smarter" and set an example for other children.

Once, when you have already become an adult, you made the decision to drop by an alumni meeting: to demonstrate your superiority, of course. We came to the meeting and found that the most successful guys are the most open, mischievous and sympathetic at the same time. So instead of joining their fun, you choose to stick your nose at your plate and flip through apps on your phone with a thoughtful look.

What feelings prevail within? Confusion, insecurity, envy. Fear and uncertainty. An urgent need to defend yourself. Where did the anxiety come from? Desire to leave as soon as possible. A dialogue with classmates is built in my head in case of "leaving with dignity."Inside, you know that you want to be really happy, but at the same time, this very joy would undermine everything that you believed in - everything that you considered vital, important. The inherent quality of a good person.

Can we say here that you choose this very depression yourself? Sure. After all, it is in your power (it is physically possible) to open up to the conversation, to show initiative in communication … at least not to resist the smile of a classmate who hands you a glass of champagne and insinuatingly asks how you spend your weekend.

Why do you choose depression? Because the state of depression guarantees safety. It keeps you from perceiving your values as wrong. That being serious is not as effective as being cheerful and joyful. Fun is the quality of fools. And who wants to feel that his values have been wrong all this time? That there was a better way to interact with life all this time?

The collapse of a personal worldview equals an even worse emotional state. Our subconscious mind, choosing depression, is trying to avoid just this worst emotional state.

None of the selected emotional states are random. Everything emotional states we choose ourselves to prevent unwanted results. Any emotional state, no matter how tormenting it may seem, benefits a person.

We do not experience any state against our will.

If you feel that you cannot choose joy, ask yourself: how do I really feel now? Why do I choose this state? What kind of inner benefit does my present state guarantee me? What am I trying to protect myself from?

Contrary to popular belief, our emotional apparatus is not a saboteur. Everything that happens in the chambers of our mind or in the penates of our psyche is aimed at maintaining our safety.

If you feel that you cannot switch to a high wave at the click of your fingers, ask yourself: Why is joy dangerous for me? Why am I afraid to rejoice? Why do I choose no-joy?

For some, the answer will come in the form of an inner conviction: the more you rejoice now, the more you will have to cry in the future. Someone will think that joy is the property of fools ("radenka, sho ugly"). That adults do not fit to be happy - otherwise they will think that you are mentally inadequate, and they will expel you from the company.

The choice of non-joy is based on the fear of loneliness. The fear of losing the love and respect of others - after all, this is how it was in childhood. People's love had to be earned. This is a learned pattern of behavior. There is nothing natural (as in the depths of your soul you yourself know) there is nothing in it.

If a certain way of existence seems to you inside inadequate, abnormal, “tense” or energetically exhausting, it's time to ask the question - is this model of being healthy? And since this model is sick, is it worth playing by its rules?

Living a life out of stress, anxiety, jealousy, and apathy is like riding an old, broken train that slows down every two minutes to fix it. What prevents you from getting off at the nearest station and changing to a new, comfortable train - convenient and fast?