If You Want To Be Happy - Learn The Languages of Love

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The book "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman has aroused my interest for a long time, but I managed to read it quite recently. To be honest, I wished I had done it earlier. But, as they say, for all the time, which means that I need such information right now. The book provides answers to many questions about relationships, so I highly recommend reading it. For the lazy or too busy, briefly about the most important thing in the article

What happens to love after marriage?

The need to be loved is a fundamental human emotional need, and marriage is designed to satisfy this need for intimacy and love. As soon as falling in love passes (the state of falling in love lasts on average two years), we begin to put forward our claims.

And here comes choice:

1. we condemn ourselves to a miserable family life;

2. we leave the family and start all over again;

3. Together with my spouse, we make an informed decision to love and find ways to express this decision.

The third way involves finding out what is the language of love yours and what your spouse has, and, mind you, very rarely these languages coincide.

We try to speak our primary love language and get confused when our spouse does not understand what we want to express, it sounds to them in a foreign language.

Love Language # 1: Words of Appreciation

Mark Twain once said: "I can live on one good compliment for 2 months."

If you take these words literally, then 6 compliments per year will maintain the required level of love in his container for love. Your spouse may need more. One of the ways that you can express love emotionally is through the use of creative words. Solomon wrote: "Life and death are in the power of the tongue." Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbal approval. Later, Solomon notes: "A restless heart oppresses a person, but a kind word encourages him." Words of courtesy, admiration - compliments - or words of appreciation, approval, recognition are powerful expressions of love. They are best expressed with simple, directional affirmations, such as "You look great in this suit."

"Blimey! You look amazing in this dress!"

“You cook potatoes, probably the best in the world. I love your potatoes."

“I am very pleased that you washed the dishes in the evening. Thanks.

“Thank you for being with your child this time. I want you to know that I don't take it for granted."

"I really appreciate that you took out the trash."

Love Language # 2: Quality Time

The time when you give a person your undivided attention. This is not the time when you sit on the couch together and watch TV. Spending quality time together through exchange of views, listening and participating in important joint events conveys that we care about each other and enjoy spending time together.

This means - go for a walk, just the two of you, or - go to dinner at a restaurant, look at each other and talk. Have you ever noticed that in a restaurant you can immediately determine where married couples are at the tables and where not? Those who came on a date look at each other and talk. Couples sit there and look around. You'd probably think they came there to eat!

Love Language # 3: Receiving Gifts

Gifts come in a variety of sizes, colors, and shapes. Some of them cost a lot of money, while others are free. For a person whose primary language is the language of receiving gifts, the monetary value of the gift does not really matter, except that its value hardly matches what you can afford. If a millionaire gives his wife gifts worth one dollar every day, then she has the right to doubt whether they are a manifestation of love. But if the financial capabilities of the family are limited, then a gift worth one dollar can speak of love worth a million.

If your spouse's primary love language is the language of receiving gifts, then you have a chance to become a skillful giver. This is the language of love that is easiest to learn. Remember that the gift of oneself is more than just a physical presence. Try to share with your spouse at least one important event or feeling that you experienced during the day. Try to get the same from your spouse.

Love Language # 4: Acts of Service

Jesus Christ gave a very simple yet powerful illustration of expressing love through the act of service by washing the feet of his disciples. In a civilization where people wore sandals and walked on dirty streets, there was a custom where the master's servant washed the feet of guests when they came into the house. Jesus, who taught his disciples to love one another, showed them an example of expressing love by taking a tub and a towel and washing their feet. With such a simple act of love, He inspired His disciples to follow His example, (John 13 3-17)

Earlier in his life, Jesus indicated that the great will be servants. In most societies, the great rule the lesser, but Jesus Christ said that the great will be in the service of those below. The apostle Paul summed up this philosophy when he said, “Serve one another in love” (Galatians 5:13). If you criticize your spouse for not doing anything for you, it may indicate that your primary love language is "acts of service." Acts of service should never be forced. They just need to be given, received and done in the way they are asked to do. - Even when we have a desire to agree with the request of our spouse, we still want to do everything our own way and at the time when we want it. Serving with love means fulfilling the expectations of our spouse. Pay attention to the next requests of your spouse and do everything the way he wants. - Pick three simple but maintenance-oriented tasks that you may not enjoy doing, but you know your spouse would love if you did them. Surprise your spouse that you followed them without asking. - Many married couples feel that they have overcome the stereotypes of "male" and "female" work in their relationships, but subconsciously still mostly adhere to it. Discuss your deepest feelings about doing work together and your family's history from that perspective. - Look again at the lists of required "acts of ministry" for Mark and Mary. Choose four tasks that you would like your spouse to do for you. Be prepared to receive the same in return, and develop ways of regulating that are based on mutual love, not coercion or rational exchange. Keep your decision in mind at all times. - A lot of problems arise from the delusion that after marriage we should no longer behave the way we did during dates. Try to remember the tremendous power that came with the regular acts of ministry during that period. To renew intimacy, try the same techniques to see if they work now.

Love Language # 5: Physical Touch

Physical touch is also a powerful means of communicating love in marriage. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, having sexual intercourse are all ways of transmitting emotional love to your spouse. For many people, physical touch is the main language of love. Without this, they do not feel loved. With him, their emotional vessel is full and they feel safe, surrounded by the love of their spouse.

In ancient times they said: "The way to a man's heart lies through his stomach." Many men were "fed to death" by women who believed in this philosophy. It is clear that the ancients did not mean the physical heart, but the romantic center of a man. To put it more precisely, it would have to sound like this: "The way to the hearts of some men is through their stomachs."

THE BODY IS DESIGNED TO TOUCH

Everything that is in me lives in my body. To touch my body is to touch myself. Moving away from my body is moving away from me emotionally. In our society, a handshake is a way of transferring openness and social closeness to another person. If in rare cases, one person refuses to shake hands with another, then this is an expression of the fact that not everything is good in their relationship. In any society, there are forms of physical touch that are used as a greeting. The average American man is likely to feel uncomfortable with European kisses and hugs, but in Europe it serves the same function as we have a handshake. In every society, there are acceptable and unacceptable ways of touching members of the opposite sex. The recent focus on sexual abuse has made it clear which methods are unacceptable. Within a marriage, however, the acceptability or unacceptability of a particular touch is determined by the partners themselves within certain broad frameworks. Physical abuse is naturally considered unacceptable by society. Public organizations have been set up to help "injured wives" and "injured husbands". It is clear that our bodies are made to be touched, not abused. If your spouse's primary language is touch, then the moment she cries, the most important thing to her is your hug. Our age is characterized as the age of sexual openness and freedom. With this freedom, we have demonstrated that open marriage, where both spouses can have intimate relationships with other people, is a sign of modernity. Those who do not object to it for moral reasons, objects for emotional reasons. Something based on our need for intimacy and love prevents us from giving our spouse that freedom. Emotional pain is deep and intimacy evaporates when we find out that our spouse is having a sexual relationship with someone. Counselors' files are full of records of husbands and wives struggling to cope with the emotional trauma inflicted on them by an unfaithful spouse. And for a person whose primary language is touch, this trauma is even more complex. What he desires so passionately - love, expressed by physical touch, is now given to another. His emotional vessel of love is not just empty, it is riddled with an explosion. And in order for his emotional needs to be met, major renovations will be required.

How to define your primary love language?

Ask yourself questions

• What do you ask for the most?

• What brings you the most feeling of being loved?

• What deeply offends you?

• What do you want the most?

How to identify your partner's love language?

Analyze his actions:

• How does he prefer to express his feelings?

• What is it asking or asking of you?

Such actions on the part of a partner often indicate his "native" of the five love languages. If it doesn't work out that way, try to apply all the languages of love in turn, two months one, then two months another, etc. The result will indicate the correct choice.