"I Am Happy When You Are Happy!" Or "love Stranglers"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Do you happen to hear in your address the phrase: "I am happy when you are happy!"?

From someone from relatives, friends, from a loved one?.

Remember how you feel about it?

If irritation, anger, anger, or even despair, then perhaps there is a person next to you who has a strong emotional dependence.

And this dependence is quite capable of “lovingly suffocate” out of the best intentions …

Emotional dependence can develop at a very early age in a relationship with a mother (or other significant Adult).

A small child is entirely dependent on the mother, on her acceptance, approval, love, and reacts very sensitively to changes in her mood, while associating them primarily with whether the mother is happy with him or not.

If the child feels that the mother is joyful, cheerful, contented, he perceives this as that the mother is pleased with him and loves him.

If, on the contrary, mom is in a bad mood, sad, annoyed, then mom is unhappy with him.

Accordingly, the baby himself feels joyful or depressed, depending on his mother's mood.

There is still no understanding that a mother can be cheerful or sad not at all because of him. There is no separation of yourself from your mother.

In the future, in the process of upbringing, a mother can help her child gradually separate herself from her (separate), separate her feelings from the feelings of another significant person, study her own characteristics and capabilities, so that later, in adulthood, she can be independent and self-sufficient.

However, if such, primarily emotional, separation does not happen, then already into adulthood a person brings with him his childhood emotional dependence, often not even fully realized by him.

In relationships with people, this dependence can manifest itself in obsessive care, too much desire to help, please, sacrifice something all the time; in direct connection of one's mood with the mood of another person, in constant unmotivated anxiety for him, in depression from even a short separation; in sudden outbursts of irritation, anger, anger at another significant person.

And since inherently emotional dependence comes from early childhood and may not be at all due to a specific relationship with another adult, it is not surprising that this other, who does not have such a strong dependence, may experience negative feelings in response, perceiving its manifestations as “pressure”,“Violation of personal boundaries”,“desire for total control”,“suffocation by love”.

Of course, in a relationship with an emotionally dependent person, it is important to be aware of and maintain your personal boundaries.

But at the same time, it is also important to remember that his addiction is not his fault, but rather a misfortune, so to speak, and everything that he does because of this addiction, as a rule, is devoid of "malice", because he does not recognize him as his own a process completely unrelated to another person.

In conclusion, I want to note that emotional dependence is quite amenable to correction in safe therapeutic conditions of work with a specialist.

Therefore, if there is an emotionally dependent person next to you, relations with whom are dear to you, then everything is not lost for you and for him in this relationship.