Marry?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Author: Adriana Imzh

Why are you alone?

Why doesn't anyone marry you?

How to get married before thirty?

And other headings of articles in gloss.

In fact, everything is simple: the choice is not from two points, but from three: to marry the wrong person (and this is still a polite option); to marry a good man (and this is not a guarantee of a successful marriage); do not get married.

Before meeting my husband, I had a number of relationships with different men. Some of them were both very smart and very beautiful and interesting people.

It was impossible to live and build at least some adequate relationship with them, because due to trauma, they sometimes threw out such things that I just sat and tried to understand: PANCAKE, BUT HOW?

And it's not that a person came to the first date with an octopus on his head. No. This became clear after a few months of communication or after two or three months of living together.

Some of my clients' husbands chipped off such numbers that the two of us tried to put together a picture and find logic in it. Well, at least some. Well, you can't just do it like that.

Of course, girls burn too. They also leave their children and get out (I personally know three such stories), take loans for incredible amounts and hang them on partners, get drunk and screw up.

But, honestly, not in such volumes.

For a woman, there is a very high probability of getting a minus in a relationship - physical and moral violence, unforeseen expenses (there are a lot of players, and secret ones - men, not to mention unsuccessful investments in business or just some dreams like a super-expensive and super-unnecessary machine that turns into many years loan), become a single parent, find a second family with children, dogs and an apartment bought on a mortgage (which women never do), or some other surprise. I'm not even talking about just a double load in cleaning and cooking, which is practically not even discussed in Russia.

And, of course, the notorious glass of water in old age, which - usually - a very unhealthy elderly man is brought by women. After that, for another twenty years they live alone after his death, because a rare man crosses the threshold at sixty-five.

Honestly - on such conditions, marriage seems to me to be a completely unprofitable deal. And about myself, I know very well that I had a very big chance not to get married.

By the time I met my husband, I was a very disappointed person in relationships who saw many unpleasant things from men - from simple irresponsibility and complete lack of care to psychiatric diagnoses and real meanness.

I don't see marriage as a self-evident blessing or the only solution to a woman's happiness. On the contrary, everything I know rather says the opposite: getting married happily is a very difficult task, and not every man can agree to even an approximate happy end.

And I believe that the main thing for a woman is to understand that we have this choice that our grandmothers did not have: to marry anyone, not to marry and marry someone who is pleasant and with whom it will be good. And that the probability of the third point is not as great as I personally would like for all my clients.