Double Messages In Relationships. Psychological Oxymoron

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

This is a post of love and gratitude to all women on the eve of March 8! It will be about veiled manipulative messages with a double or even triple bottom, so familiar, I'm sure, to most of you. A selection of the most relevant and commonly used female verbal weapons. Top phrases from individual meetings, groups and correspondence.

You cannot understand this - because you are not a woman

transcript: I would very much like you to understand me, but not just somehow understood, since it is understandable for you, but understood me the way I want it, in a very specific way. In fact, I want you to agree with me, but I can't find any arguments, so I use an abstract, unverifiable argument to make you feel guilty again because you are not me, and still start trying to become me - to think, think and understand exactly how I want it.

I did so much for you, and you …

transcript: Sorry, I do not have the opportunity to force you to react to me the way I would like it, so I will try to evoke a feeling of guilt in you, I will try to give you a sense of duty: I will remember all the actions and events from the past, I will remind you how much effort it took me worth it, and that I did all this sacrificing myself and my joy and only for you, for your good. So I will greatly exaggerate the importance of every deed and event and thus try to evoke in you a feeling of an unrecoverable debt that you owe me something for it. And maybe this is how you, finally, now will do everything my way, at least try to be not who you are right now, but you will be that yourself with certain manifestations and reactions that I would like to see now.

What will people say?

transcript: The most important thing for me is the assessment and opinion of others. I live for this, my whole existence is adjusted to meet the expectations and aspirations of those who are close by, and of course to maintain the existing image in which I have invested all these years. I have made a lot of efforts to form this image in others, so I am very scared to lose it. Therefore, I will continue to try and live for the sake of people and their opinions about me, I will try to justify all expectations without exception, no matter what strength it requires from me.

Who needs you besides me?

transcript: I am very scared to be left alone, without you. But I will never reveal it aloud. Therefore, I will try to turn everything the other way around. I will try to hand this fear over to you, I will exaggerate my own importance to you, and I will try to belittle your value. I will try to show you how noble and special I am, and how ordinary you are, no one. If you believe in your dullness, you will surely feel fear - that's all, you are entirely in my hands. And you can't help but believe, because since we are together and I use similar phrases and arguments, and they work, then we live like this: in a world of mutually established roles and manipulations.

I gave you my best years

transcript: I just realized that I might have tried in vain all these years. In vain I sacrificed myself, my desires, my dreams and aspirations. It seemed to me that it was impossible not to sacrifice oneself, that otherwise happiness could not be found, that one had to try, sacrifice oneself for the good, for the sake of us and our future well-being, in order to preserve what little we have. But it turned out that all my sacrifices, all my efforts were in vain, that even all these efforts do not give any guarantees, which I hoped for, that life is absolutely uncontrollable and unpredictable. And I hoped that with my sacrifices and efforts I would be able to manage my life, that I would be able to guarantee peace for myself, but it turns out that this is impossible. And I just discovered it, but I just can't come to terms with it. It’s hard for me to accept the lack of control of life and stupidity, the uselessness of my own sacrifices and efforts. So I will try to throw all the responsibility off myself onto you, I will try to blame you for how I feel right now.

Well, of course, your mommy would ask - you would immediately run …

transcript: At the moment, the fact of your unconditional love for your mother is obvious to me. Your willingness to do a lot for her without looking back at anything around, to help, as needed. And instead of joy, instead of noticing this love of yours for your neighbor, I feel envy. Since you love your mother so much and do everything for her, I want you to always help me flawlessly at the first call in the same way, to do everything in my way as soon as I want - as if by a magic wand. And now I will try to ride on your love for mom and on the feeling of guilt that right now you cannot give me what I demand. I will try to hit you for a living - I will compare the incomparable: myself, your companion, with your mother, and I will also hint that you love your mother more than me, so that you feel guilty for this and how a fluffy did everything in my way. It is difficult for me to sincerely open up to you and ask you, giving you the freedom to choose what to do next with my request. I want guarantees, so I will manipulate, press on blame to the last, until everything turns out to be my way!

I spin like a squirrel in a wheel, and you sit leg by leg …

transcript: This is unpleasant to admit, but I see something that seems necessary and important to me - now, perhaps, is not so important to you. I don’t have the courage to ask for help or support directly, because I’m scared that you might refuse, so I will try to protect myself as much as possible from refusal, I will try to prevent this very possibility of refusal. I also see how you allow yourself to be relaxed and relaxed, in those situations and circumstances in which excitement and anxiety overtakes me, but instead of learning from you peace and ease, I will try to make you feel guilty for being so what you are, not what I would like you to be.