Seven Stages Of Relationship Development

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In their life development, absolutely all couples go through seven stages - whether they want it or not … And sometimes it is the knowledge about these stages and the joint willingness to be together, no matter what, can save the relationship from breaking.

After all, a real deep feeling can only develop over the years, and for this you need to go through many trials and difficulties.

The first stage: Falling in love (candy-bouquet).

The so-called "chemistry of love" - when hormones, endorphin and oxytocin practically block the centers of negative emotions and rational thinking of a person and he sees a partner in the most attractive and unrealistic light. Great appearance, the best character, attention, gifts, kisses … It seems that a partner was created just for you and you can't find it better. It is during this period that people usually begin to live together.

Stage Two: Sated

When people spend a lot of time around, the intensity of passions subsides and the loved one becomes already something familiar and commonplace. Lovers are saturated with each other and life is filled with routine. Each other's shortcomings become noticeable. after all, after the stage of falling in love (broken rose-colored glasses), consciousness again begins to work in its usual mode. This period can be delayed if children are born in the family.

Stage Three: Disgust

This is a real test for a couple, the existence of further relations depends on the results of passing it. After all, very many do not withstand difficulties and part. It seems that love is no more. Selfishness flourishes violently, victory in a quarrel becomes important, and not a relationship. All the positive qualities of a partner are taken for granted, but special attention is paid to his shortcomings, which enrage with incredible force. Usually, it is at this stage that the couple really breaks out of the merger and begins to notice how different the partner is. Disappointment in each other and a constant clash of interests comes, which can be burdened by criticism, cold silence lasting for several weeks, violent scandals with insults, accusations, threats, ultimatums, betrayal. As in the first stage, each partner endows the other with far-fetched qualities, but with an exclusively negative connotation. Often there is a desire to take revenge and knowingly (or unknowingly) hurt another. In the end, over time, such a relationship can become simply unbearable and each of the couple, in order to preserve themselves, will be forced to move away. But a break in relations during this period is fraught with walking in a circle - many, after parting, fall in love again over time, get fed up and, feeling a new wave of disgust, part. And again they go through disappointment … and again the relationship breaks down into everyday life, shortcomings and selfishness.

But, unfortunately, without the third stage, the path to a sincere, deep feeling of Love is closed.

To get through this stage can help:

- a confidential conversation and mutual agreement not to use prohibited techniques in conflicts that leave deep wounds in the heart.

- direct voicing of their requests and internal readiness for the fact that the partner may refuse for some reason.

- carefully, without hurting each other's feelings, express to each other all existing claims and build a plan to eliminate them in such a way that it suits both.

- "I-messages" instead of accusations ("I get angry when you do not react to my words", instead of "you ruined my whole life, asshole")

- an internal readiness to ask for forgiveness, instead of calculating who is more to blame for what.

- sincere concern for a partner - after all, it is she who allows you to remind that the other is important and valuable

- a variety of routines with joint trips, hobbies, various surprises

- an appeal to a family psychologist or psychotherapist, etc.

Stage Four: Humility (Patience)

At this stage, there are no more raging hurricanes and quarrels are less common. After going through the stage of differentiation and disappointment, it becomes clear that it will not work to sharpen a person for himself. An understanding comes that a person lives nearby, in which there are both disadvantages and advantages. It was during this period that an active adaptation to each other takes place - special literature, communication with psychologists are used, and long and difficult conversations are already beginning to resemble not a battlefield, but a negotiating table. This is the stage of preparation for Love. Everyone begins to understand that the other cannot be changed and you need to start with yourself: learn to forgive, understand, accept and endure.

The fifth stage: Selflessness and service (in the Vedas it is called dharma (duty)).

It is believed that only at this stage true Love begins to manifest itself - and before it did not exist at all. Indeed, in all the previous stages, good deeds meant a response. Both partners, doing something good for their soul mate, consciously or unconsciously expected something in return. During the period of service, I want to do something pleasant just like that, because a person is dear. Because the soul is already ready for this. Service takes place consciously and voluntarily, it brings pleasure to everyone. If one person is delayed at the previous stage, the other, by his own behavior, speeds up the process, bringing it closer to the next.

Sixth stage: Friendship

At this stage, respect, understanding and acceptance begin to fully manifest themselves. By this time, the couple had already gone through a lot, the partners know each other's characters and habits well, they know how to get out of difficult situations without conflicts. Both have learned to do what is pleasant and necessary, it is good and interesting for them together. The period of friendship can sometimes last for years and decades, because the spouses feel very comfortable and calm. Most often, friendship manifests itself vividly when the children have already grown up and the parents have enough time for each other. But childless couples also come to friendship at about the same time.

Seventh stage: Love

Few come to this stage, because you must first learn to humbly and calmly accept a person as he is, take care of him for free, accept his individuality. Partners are fully revealed and complement each other harmoniously. Their flaws are neatly smoothed out, and the merits are reflected in each - this is a calm and joyful acceptance of the whole person in integrity. Understanding at a glance, reading desires from a half-glance, spiritual unity and pacification.

But such a deep, real feeling is not given just like that and does not arise from scratch - all happy couples grow their love for a long time and often go to her through hatred and cooling. In this case, it is worth remembering the reward that awaits at the finish line, and try, for your part, to do everything to preserve the fragile and delicate flower of love, warm it and give it your warmth and light.