The Right To Be Happy Or Having The Audacity To Be

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"Happiness is not an achievement, happiness is permission" - once wrote the most talented Ukrainian psychologist Svetlana Roiz

Allowing yourself to be happy is not easy. Shame and guilt get in the way.

In general, it is impudence to be happy.

Depending on the traditions of your family, "insolence" can be a variety of things

To live as you live - with the same level of income, well-being and those opportunities, for example, to work not eight hours, but two, or not work at all - can already be arrogance. Surely, your parents could not afford this, and grandparents, they could not even think about your life now. If you have become even cooler than your aunts and uncles or have overtaken your brothers and sisters, then you have exceeded all the limits of the possible and impossible - you have utter impudence.

From the point of view of your family system and your inner voice - a critic who stands guard over law and order, not everything can be arrogance, but only specific things.

For example, earning good money is "okay", but "living without grieving", working two hours a day, allowing yourself fitness centers, leisurely walks and reading books in the evenings - this is no good. This is how normal people do not behave!

And here it is important to figure out what exactly is bad from the point of view of your inner critic - is it bad that you work without strain? Or the fact that you have the audacity to ask for a lot of money (again from the point of view of your personal boundaries) money for your work?

Spending money on yourself, having two children, and if this money is not earned by you, is unconditional impudence.

The rating of the most “shameful cases” in my practice is headed by the audacity to ask my husband for money on myself. Women brought up in the tradition “you must provide for yourself and stand firmly on your own feet”, who are accustomed to rely only on themselves, become pregnant and go on maternity leave, are forced to ask their husbands for money. For children, that's okay. But on yourself? On your whims, skirts, cosmetics, payment for the next courses - this is not good and ashamed … This is arrogance.

In men, it causes internal discomfort that he “went too far” - he rose too high. He earns too much money, he swung himself at the status too high. "Are you in your place, boy?" - they find fault with themselves in the voice of a father or a boxing coach.

Impudence can be the very desire for happiness. To want love, family, more than you have now is arrogance. “Pull your cross,” “be faithful,” “be an exemplary husband,” “a good wife,” “a devoted daughter,” and not even dare to think about something else. Where is happiness here? "Did you deserve it?"

"Happiness must be earned!"

At least wash all the dishes and wipe the floors throughout the apartment. And then you can. Read, lie down, draw, look out the window, take a walk with a girlfriend.

"Are you a good enough girl?"

And it so happens that just to live, to be alive, alive is arrogance, if a close and dear person died. Breathing, loving, eating, watching movies, walking, having sex, surrendering to what you love - isn't this arrogance towards someone who can no longer do all this? “Survivor guilt” is a feeling that often comes to therapy for those who want to live, as opposed to those who have made other choices.

Shame and guilt are two feelings that prevent us from being simply humanly happy

Have what we have and enjoy it.

To desire more and achieve everything the soul strives for.

Figure out what you like and allow yourself to want it.

To make a decision - to do or not to do, more consciously, and not automatically, because "like me you can't even dream, let alone go take and do."

Perhaps you are already doing some things that you consider arrogance and feel guilt and herd deep in yourself.

Here's a task for you - take a piece of paper and write what you are doing so impermissible. Start with the words: "I have the audacity …"

Maybe you have the audacity to feel the raindrops on your face and be happy from this.

Or do you have the audacity to desire someone else's husband?

Or maybe you sleep until ten?

Or have they arrogantly entered a serious project, having a poor idea of all this?

Or maybe somewhere there lives the woman you wanted and you got so insolent that you decided to talk to your wife about the divorce?