2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
People with a masochistic character come across as soft, sympathetic, a little shy. Behind this charming façade, there is discernment, suspicion, and control. They are very persistent in achieving goals and extremely patient. Ideal workers in bureaucratic structures, as they can do boring work for a long time.
The trauma of a person with a masochistic character is formed in families where the will of the child is severely suppressed. A loving but dominant or anxious mom surrounds the natural function of the body with excessive attention and control. Forced feeding, keeping on the pot for hours until the result is obtained, sleeping strictly on schedule. All efforts are thrown into the observance of the daily routine and discipline. The child's opinion is ignored, resistance is punished.
The arsenal of parenting methods ranges from teasing (this special combination of disposition and cruelty) and manipulation of guilt, to humiliation and physical abuse. All this shows the child from early childhood that his desires and needs are not important, that their value is very relative and most often significantly lower than the value of others' desires and preferences.
Such children become as controllable as possible, do not demand anything, do what they say, do not mind, do not have their own opinion and sense of self-worth, but they learn to endure.
Masochists are chronically dissatisfied with their lives. At the same time, they diligently avoid anything that could improve it. They remain with their destructive partners, continue their careers in a profession to which their soul does not lie. These are people who are supposedly their own worst enemies.
Their ability to withstand prolonged discomfort is elevated to the rank of virtue. Self-restraint is considered the norm and requires the same from others. Citizens who have the audacity to take care of their needs and interests arouse anger and envy in the masochist.
Many masochistic patients report that their parents emotionally invested in them only at the moment of punishment. This explains their belief that love can only be received by presenting their suffering.
The masochist is characterized by a violation of the connection with his own body. This is reflected in the general stiffness and awkwardness. A huge amount of unexpressed aggression is concentrated in muscle tension and is not realized. Trying to relax leads to increased levels of anxiety.
Signs of a masochistic character.
- Intolerance to loneliness.
People with a masochistic character cannot stand loneliness and are willing to sacrifice their interests, even safety, in order to avoid it. Women who remain in destructive relationships with aggressive men are a prime example of this. The fear of being alone is so intense that they choose to endure the emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse of the breakup.
-Failure to express aggression directly.
As a child, the masochist was strictly forbidden to show reciprocal anger - it was read by the parents not as an attempt to defend themselves, but as disobedience. As a result, he learned to show aggression covertly, in manipulative forms. Silent resentment without giving a reason, ignoring, quiet suffering with reproach. The space of communication is filled with toxic guilt and irritation, which go to the one who can not stand it and decides to clarify the situation. Thus, by provoking others, the masochist gets rid of the constantly accumulating huge volume of internal tension and discontent.
-Inability to say no.
Difficulties in expressing their own aggression are associated with the masochist's insensitivity to violating his boundaries. It is difficult for him to understand where the needs, desires and requests of other people end, and his personal rights to freedom, to refusal and to his own desires begin. It is hard for a masochist to say “no”, “you can't do that with me,” so at best they stop noticing him, at worst they begin to humiliate and use him.
-Prohibition on having fun
The masochist usually realizes that his lifestyle is boring, that he lacks spontaneity. He would prefer more adventure, freedom, but does not direct his energy towards achieving these goals.
This is due to the internal prohibition on receiving pleasure. It is a threat for the masochist, and his experience generates a sense of guilt and fear of punishment. A conscious manifestation of this can be morality or religiosity.
The goal of therapy for the masochistic patient is to unblock the suppressed aggression, to legalize the opportunity to enjoy life without feeling guilty. Returning the ability to spontaneity and self-expression.
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