How To Cure Masochism. Masochistic Therapy

Video: How To Cure Masochism. Masochistic Therapy

Video: How To Cure Masochism. Masochistic Therapy
Video: Masochistic Character (Self-defeating PD) 2024, March
How To Cure Masochism. Masochistic Therapy
How To Cure Masochism. Masochistic Therapy
Anonim

Consider the following situation: relatively speaking, you are a therapist, a person with a masochistic character came to the session. What to do in such a case?

In communicating with a client, the main emphasis should be on real relationships, notes of omnipotence should be excluded from the tone, you should not analyze and try to interpret certain actions of a person. With all his appearance, the masochist needs to show that he can and should treat himself better. If during a session a person falls into a sadomasochistic situation, he will again feel servility, submission and self-sacrifice of his independence for the sake of intimacy. Thus, the main task of the psychotherapist is not to become a sadist and masochist in relation to this person.

Why is this the main line of therapy of a masochistic nature?

Seeing that the other person enjoys life, masochists begin to engage in self-flagellation. In this case, clients need an example of healthy advocacy. The refusal of the therapist to take the position of an exploited subject or disagreement to show generosity (up to indignation) can open up completely new perspectives for a person who was brought up in an atmosphere of constant sacrifice (his interests for the interests of others).

Thus, destructive individuals will have no benefit in demonstrating therapeutic self-sacrifice. Such behavior on the part of the therapist is simply unacceptable.

How does it look in practice?

For example, lowering the payment for a session or working on debt with such people will not raise them one step further. On the contrary, it is recommended to deliberately demonstrate to persons with a masochistic type of character their satisfaction with the payment received, you can even gently stroke the bills, hiding them in your pocket. By refusing in this case, the therapist shows the person that he believes in his capabilities, that he will be able to take responsibility for his life, improve his well-being and earn more money.

If the therapist goes on vacation, masochists begin to moralize, but try to do it passively: "How can you have fun when I feel so bad?" In response, the therapist should broadcast to the masochist that it is normal to have pleasure even when others feel bad, and everyone has such a right.

Often, masochists lose their temper, begin to get angry, criticize, try to engage in moralizing. You need to show interest in such behavior, accepting a person for who he is, to some extent even supporting him. Masochistic personalities do not need to know that they are tolerated when they smile bravely. They need to know that anger is normal, and the people around them will accept them even when they show character.

When masochists feel disappointed, angry and frustrated, they can deny, moralize (so as not to feel shame and selfishness). In this situation, the therapist can act based on his needs and respond to the client's “righteous” and uncontrollable resentment as a natural manifestation of his feelings. As a result of this tactic, some clients are rebuilt.

Experienced psychotherapists recommend in no case to sympathize with individuals with a masochistic type of character. However, this does not mean at all that they should be blamed for their own problems or returned to sadism in response to masochistic behavior. Instead of the reaction "Oh, poor thing!" the therapist must appeal to the mind of the masochist. You should tactfully ask: "How did you bring yourself to this situation?" Such a phrase seems to sober up masochists. Turning directly to the mind of a person makes him understand that he is an adult and can do everything himself, that someone believes in him.

Naturally, outwardly the masochist will show anger, irritation, disappointment (How so? You had to save me, but you are doing exactly the opposite!). However, if the masochistic person is angry, this is an indicator that therapy is progressing.

You can't save masochists. The famous American psychoanalyst, Ph. D. in personality psychology Nancy McWilliams described a rather interesting case from her practice. A masochistic woman in a fit of extreme masochism convinced staff at a local mental health center to hospitalize her for 72 hours. A few hours later she regained consciousness, calmed down and tried to persuade the psychiatrist to discharge her in the event that the psychoanalyst (N. McWilliams) gave permission. However, the latter replied: “When you convinced the doctor about the need for hospitalization, you were aware of what you were doing. So don't shy away from responsibility and keep your promise. The client was indignant, but after a few years admitted that this situation was a turning point in her therapy due to the fact that the psychoanalyst interacted with her like an adult. It was after this that she realized that she really was responsible for her actions and life.

So, to summarize, masochistic type therapy includes:

Show that you can treat yourself with respect. This can trigger an arousal response.

Less compassion.

You should not "buy" and get involved in anxiety for the masochist, especially when he begins to commit dangerous acts. This allows the client to feel a kind of "deliverance" from anxiety - now all the experiences are felt by the therapist!

In the latter case, it is helpful to counteract the anxiety by communicating with the person in a dispassionate tone.

The last point is an illustrative example. A woman with a masochistic personality type is about to return to her husband, who beats her. The therapist experiences internal anxiety for the client, but instead of openly expressing his feelings, you need to start the conversation in a calm and cold tone. The content of the conversation should be something like this:

“I understand that he does not want to kill you and is controlling himself. So, there is self-control … But … Let's assume that at some point he will not be able to restrain himself? What will be the consequences? Who will your children stay with, who will take care of them? Who will get the property? Have you talked to the children about what might happen if you were killed? Is the will drawn up? Maybe you should re-register the apartment for another person, if the property is in a share with your spouse?"

When a psychotherapist refuses to accept anxiety, talks about reality, appealing to the mind of a masochist, “does not include” the desire to save the client, a person feels an inner anxiety and excitement, because he will have to face the consequences. However, here you need to clearly understand the moment when to influence the feelings of the client. Unless a strong enough therapeutic alliance is established, early or strong exposure can lead to criticism and blame. However, communicating compassionate understanding and at the same time confronting the client's actions is difficult. This art cannot be learned from textbooks. With experience, every caring specialist develops an intuitive sense of when to enter into a confrontation, and when to apologize and support.

In addition, the task of the psychotherapist is to be able to find and work out the irrational beliefs of the masochistic person. Examples of similar beliefs:

“If I suffer enough, I will receive love.

- The best way to deal with enemies is to show them that they are the aggressors.

“The only reason something good happened to me was that I punished myself enough.

All these aspects are very important to clarify and work with the client, but as an adult who can understand that these are false beliefs. The therapist's persistence in identifying irrational beliefs is often the most important therapeutic step.

So, if you are not a therapist, but a loved one has a masochistic character type, what can you do for him?

Demonstrate only the enjoyment of life (regardless of whether or not it causes discomfort to others) and respect for oneself, in no case make a victim out of oneself. You don't have to please everyone in order to have self-respect for yourself and get the love of the people around you.

Find his irrational beliefs. For example, now I will suffer, but tomorrow there will be happiness, because the reward can only be received for suffering.

Do not support a loved one when he is playing a victim, but also do not reject, talk to him calmly, appealing to reason.

It is imperative to communicate as with an adult capable of responding for the consequences of their actions.

Not taking on someone else's anxiety and worries - this, of course, will alleviate suffering, but it will not help to take responsibility for your actions. It will be quite difficult to use this approach on a loved one, but it must be remembered that all actions will help him.

Never save a masochist.

However, it is worth remembering that without a specialist it will be impossible to fully understand the masochistic type of character and help a person fully, especially if he has an extreme degree of masochism. A special danger in working with a masochist is that it is possible to misdiagnose the type of character, in which case the consequences can be unfavorable for a person and will only aggravate his condition.

Recommended: