How To Choose The Right Husband For A Happy Marriage? 10 Criteria For Evaluating Grooms

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Video: How To Choose The Right Husband For A Happy Marriage? 10 Criteria For Evaluating Grooms

Video: How To Choose The Right Husband For A Happy Marriage? 10 Criteria For Evaluating Grooms
Video: How To Choose A Partner Wisely 2024, March
How To Choose The Right Husband For A Happy Marriage? 10 Criteria For Evaluating Grooms
How To Choose The Right Husband For A Happy Marriage? 10 Criteria For Evaluating Grooms
Anonim

How to choose the right husband for a happy marriage? Girls who want to get married often wonder what criteria they should use to choose a husband for a happy marriage. Psychologists have long known the answer to this question.… Another thing is that psychologists also know that the very formulation of this question is incorrect. The fact is that there are no grooms or brides "abstractly", "in general", "in general", "for all categories of consumers." Just as there is no "generally" cars, apartments, clocks and everything that surrounds us. One person buys a premium luxury car to show off, a second a simple sedan to drive to work in the city, a third a jeep to conquer off-road hunting or fishing, a fourth a hatchback to transport heavy bales and boxes. with the goods, the fifth one needs a minivan for a large family, etc. As you can imagine, both people and machines will be completely different.

Hence, an experienced family psychologist understands that brides and grooms for happy marriages are of completely different types and are not intended for abstract “second halves”, but specifically “for whom” and “for what”. And this is completely normal, since even halves of two peaches are unlikely to be perfect for each other, and half an apricot will definitely not fit together with half an apple. This is how the world around us works, in which there are always species and generic differences.

Those who will be outraged by this formulation of the question and say that brides and grooms for a happy marriage always have a place “to create a family” will be right only partially. The fact is that the creation of a family in itself does not solve any problems or tasks of a modern person. Meanwhile, the creation of a family should always ensure a certain growth and progress of a person in life, should close certain deficits for him. If this does not happen, even the most violent sex will not be able to keep people together: they will part with longing and tears anyway, they will look for those who, besides sex, will give them something else. And this is logical: everyone can give sex, while apartments, cars, career, financial and social, a sense of confidence in the future are able to give a few. Accordingly, it is important to understand that different types of grooms automatically represent such diametrically opposite female life scenarios that do not coincide with each other, no matter how much the girls would like it. And here, as they say, which of the girls exactly needs in life and in the family …

Let's move on to a more specific conversation. In my work practice I have long come to the allocation of five segments of the suitors. Let's name them and give a general description:

A premium segment for a happy marriage. These are men who come from complete families, where the parents did not make big mistakes in life. Being the second or third generation of successful people, they carry good genetics, they themselves are not prone to mistakes in life, they have a good education, they know how to set goals correctly and achieve them, they perfectly realize themselves in communication, career and finance, they know how and want to work, very they have a responsible attitude to relations with women and children, are independent and do not carry any kind of dependence. These men are perfect for a happy marriage.

The optimal segment for a happy marriage. These are men who can make small mistakes in life, but know how to correct them in a timely manner. They are stable in their behavior, are able to correctly set goals and achieve them with their work, they realize themselves well in their careers and finances, they have a responsible attitude towards relations with women and children, they always fulfill the promise, do not carry any dependence in themselves. These men are also excellent for a happy marriage; they are distinguished from premium men primarily by the fact that they do not have such a large margin of safety, which was created by previous generations of relatives, and are forced to achieve everything on their own. These are the potential parents of those who in the future may turn out to be premium grooms.

Difficult segment for a happy marriage. These men, regardless of their level of education, are able to make a successful career and earn big money, including by hard work. However, their behavior in life, especially in relationships with women and children, is very unstable, they always scatter their abilities in several directions at once, often not achieving the result in them that would be obtained if they concentrated on one vector of self-realization. They are prone to regularly committing such life mistakes that ruin their own lives, throw them to lower career and financial levels. However, they may try to fix everything, sometimes it works.

Marriage with such men is very difficult, since these men always need to be forced to create an official family, and then it is necessary to bring them to the necessary correct family condition: endlessly give them advice, drive away problem friends from them, fight for influence on them with their parents and environment, forgive attempts at betrayal and "friendly" ties with other women. Nevertheless, it is possible and necessary to create families with them, the main thing is that those who claim to become their wives themselves are ready not to make mistakes, to learn a lot and work in life. If the wives of such men cannot always be collected and patient, they will lead an idle lifestyle, after a dozen years these marriages fall apart, and a happy marriage will not work.

Problem segment for a happy marriage. These men, regardless of their level of education, can make a successful career and earn big money, but they achieve this not so much by work as by communication, cunning and fraud, pressure on others. They believe that everyone owes them, those around them are obliged to create comfortable conditions for them, do all the work for them and solve all problems. Their behavior in life, especially in relationships with women and children, is selfish and often downright parasitic. They consume those around them, not give them. Marriage with such men will almost always be a problem, since they not only want to take on obligations, but also are not able to fulfill them, they easily refuse their words. They almost always have some kind of harmful addictions, cheat, run from woman to woman, are irresponsible in relation to their children. Marriages with such men rarely live up to a decade, and a happy marriage will not work.

Unpromising segment for a happy marriage. These men, often quite educated people, are not at all adapted to the life of an adult. They have a deficit of masculine behavior: either there is no need to be a man itself, or they do not have the character to take place in this capacity. Accordingly, marriages with them are almost impossible.

Why are there only five segments out of all the variety of potential suitors? This is due to the fact that, as a practicing family psychologist, I have at once ten criteria for evaluating men in terms of identifying their suitability for successful long-term performance of the functions of a husband and father. Here they are:

♥ Ten criteria for evaluating grooms for a happy marriage:

1. General adequacy of behavior, actions, life activities in general

Obviously, the presence of obvious addictions to alcohol, drugs, games is a clear sign, albeit not a general, but still partial inadequacy of a man. After all, being perfectly aware of the difficulties in life this behavior creates for them, already several times finding themselves in an unpleasant situation for themselves, as a rule, while still sober, they again and again take up a bottle, a syringe, a "joint", a deck of cards, computer keyboard, tape measure, etc.

The one who has already sworn to his loved ones to stop

but does not keep promises, is not even close to himself

Therefore, grooms with a set of addictions are ideal only for those brides who are either willing to suffer, or are themselves a problem girl. By the way, an indirect sign of the presence of hidden addictions is the residence of a man who already has a permanent girlfriend, either at her house (in her apartment, in her rented apartment, including with her parents), or with her at his parents. The fact is that men who regularly break loose are not sure of their stability, so they tend to shift the responsibilities of finding a long-term place to live together on other people, primarily on women (mothers, wives, mother-in-law, sisters, etc.). Therefore, we begin the choice of a husband with an assessment of the adequacy of behavior, actions, life activities in general!

2. Independence in making important life decisions, the independence of men from friends, parents, relatives, life circumstances

Obviously, when getting married, a girl wants to be the wife of a particular man, and not his mother, his friend or business partner.

If the decision-making center of the family is clearly outside the family

in the hands of parents and friends, one day the wife will give her husband back to them

Just because her husband is clearly still a child …

3. The systematic nature of educational or work activities

If the navigator or captain decides to leave the ship a week after going to sea, the ship will clearly not sail around the world and will shamefully return to port. So the family is a decision forever, or at least for a couple of decades ahead, until the children grow up. In a family, it is impossible and wrong to take a vacation from his wife and leave to think about life and sort out himself to his mother or to a rented apartment, to a garage, to an office or to a car. In a family, you always need to be able to force yourself to endure and laboriously work on yourself and your partner. The presence or absence of these abilities is precisely indicated by the ability to bring the work started to the end, first of all, in studies and work.

A man who gives up everything will definitely leave a woman

But the worst thing is to abandon his own child

Abandoning school or regularly changing jobs, no matter what super valid reasons are given, is a sign of a person's disrespect for others and for himself, his deep insecurity.

The man who does not complete everything

itself is unfinished

Therefore, before starting a family with him, you need to wait until he grows up. Unless, of course, he wants it himself. This is especially true for those situations when a man divorces his wife, but does not immediately apply to the registry office in order to start a family with the one with whom he has been dating for years and for whom he seems to have filed for divorce. Such behavior, as well as the "shuttle running" back and forth from wife to mistress and back, or from wife to mother and back, is especially typical for men who either dropped out of school or their parents lasted for them to receive a diploma literally "by the ears". often change jobs or have been looking for it for years.

4. The ability of a man to earn money, in general - the effectiveness of his activities

Family psychologists do not demand special beauty from a man, beyond intelligence and gigantic strength. However, a real man must have a firm and decisive character, an iron will, perseverance in achieving goals. Simply put, he must show results and feed his family. If a man has goals such as acquiring a decent car and decent housing on his own, becoming someone in a profession and career, then this will necessarily manifest itself in concrete results by the age of thirty. And then it just develops. If there is still no result by the age of thirty, of course it may appear later, however, this man is unlikely to be ready specifically for the hardships of family life.

If apartments, cars and positions for a man reach

and his parents and friends get it, you need to marry them

5. Responsibility for the content, development and future of children

Family, wife and children are first of all responsibility. The presence of this important quality is easily revealed when analyzing how a man treats his children, especially those born out of wedlock or in a previous marriage. If a man seeks to communicate with him and finances them, then he is a fine fellow. If not, then no. Again, if a man abandons his family or files for divorce when his own children are just toddlers and preschoolers, and it is extremely difficult for his wife, I cannot call this person an exemplary man.

If a non-disabled man is unable to

to feed his children means that he is disabled in family life

A girl who is friends with such men will have to think hard.

6. Ability and desire to have children, attitudes towards abortion

A man with a classic male psyche, after reaching 23-25 years old, is supposed to wish for children. Therefore, if a man himself supports the birth of children in marriage, supports his woman in this and opposes abortion, then he is a fine fellow. If a man after 25 considers himself "immature" for fatherhood or pushes his woman to have an abortion, he will not have a happy family prospect. If he is not even able to use protection and wear condoms, only the same irresponsible girls can build a future with such men.

By the way, the correct attitude towards children and women is usually formed in the parental family. Therefore, men from complete families, where there were still children, often treat children and wives more responsibly than men from single-parent families, where they were the only ones - often either spoiled or abandoned and unnecessary. Hence, the former are more highly valued by women and family psychologists.

7. The nature of previous love, family and intimate relationships with women, their planning or stupidity

A man who has been officially married more than twice is no longer the standard of family happiness, except in cases of the tragic death of his wives. If two women in a row cheated on him and this became the reason for the divorce, this one also raises the question of the correctness of his male family behavior. If a man has been living in a civil marriage on a regular basis, for several years, but still hesitates to officially marry, the chances that he will become a responsible husband are also extremely small. Especially if the girl forced him to marry almost by force or due to pregnancy. In this case, it is obvious: the cyclical nature and the resulting aimlessness of relations with women is an essential characteristic of a man's personality. Even though he can be rich and have a successful career. The more dangerous this man is for women.

A man who regularly cannot decide to marry his

girlfriends are as much a friend to them as the fire of a candle is to moths

Smart women just start using such men, naive women wait for years to create a family with them, desperate women give them everything themselves, and then cry and raise children alone. And alas, a happy marriage will not work.

8. Lack of tendency to parasitism and parasitism

A man who calls a woman on a date and evades paying a bill in a cafe, lives with her and does not pay rent, comes to visit empty-handed - a novice parasite. A man who has been looking for a job for years considers his persona to be higher than the offers on the labor market, while he himself drinks beer on the couch, plays with computer toys or moonlights as a taxi driver - most likely an ordinary parasite.

Building a family with a parasite and a parasite is the same as buying for yourself

broken bike. Not only will it not be possible to move quickly,

so you also have to drag it on your back

The saddest thing is that even after dragging it on your back for many years, you still won't be able to ride it. Those who are used to riding others rarely ride themselves. We all read about the fact that a beaten unbeaten is lucky in children's fairy tales, and alas, a happy marriage will not work.

9. Conflict and rudeness in dealing with a woman

A man must be able to fight and be able to defeat another man in a fight or fight. However, a man who swears at a girl whom he previously called "beloved" and "sweet", and even more so raises his hand against her, is not very promising as a reliable and loving husband. Psychologists recommend forgiving no more than two cases of rudeness and no more than one case of domestic violence. As a practitioner, I fully share this position.

Continue to give chances to clearly problematic people

means taking chances from yourself

Hence, such a moral:

If a girl knows that her man beat his past girlfriend

or a wife, she is at great risk in her marriage to share their fate

Of course, in view of the presence of small children in their arms and the husband's large income, most of the wives endure similar treatment to them for years. But, from my point of view, it is difficult to call such a system of relations a happy family, and one should think about such prospects even before marriage, and not when a drunken husband drives his wife out into the cold in winter with a baby in his arms and does not even allow her to get dressed. And alas, a happy marriage will not work.

10. Propensity to cheat

There is such an old as the world concept - "sense of duty." If a man simultaneously has a relationship with several women at the same time, at the same time, with one of them, or even two, supposedly "everything is serious", from my point of view, this is just not serious. If a married man declares to his mistress that “everything is bad with his wife, this relationship is a pure formality, he is free for a new marriage,” then he is bad with the very concept of marriage, since he considers it normal for himself to change in it. Family psychologists believe: “If you don’t like your wife, divorce honestly; if there are children in the marriage, first provide them financially, and then divorce; but in any case - do not sit on two chairs and do not play a double game. " Hence, the moral:

It is strange to think of your husband as reliable if the girl

she herself took him away from a previous relationship or marriage

It is doubly strange if he tossed between two women for some time. It is triple strange that, when choosing between two, he still strove to get himself a third and a fourth, and they sent passionate SMS messages. Men who are regularly caught in virtual and SMS correspondence with girls by their friends in the course of serious relationships rarely take the path of correction. They continue to behave in the same way, even after becoming husbands. Girls who enjoy finding grooms on dating sites should seriously consider this. And alas, a happy marriage will not work.

Actually, that's all. It seems to me that these behavioral criteria should be correctly understood by the majority of educated girls. However, I also admit that these general formulations of the five segments and my author's criteria may to tell you nothing about those men that surround you in life, nor about those who should be hunted, nor about those whom it is desirable to avoid. Therefore, now I will give you specific standards and life scenarios for all five segments of men between the ages of twenty and thirty, in reality - for the most optimal age of grooms of 27-30 years. Moreover, I will make a reservation right away: when I give them reference characteristics, I call them an approximate concept "most likely …". This is due, firstly, to the fact that men during their life have the opportunity, through their own actions, to raise or lower their status as a groom. Secondly, men of the last three categories too often do not speak or openly lie to their women about themselves, their past and their future, trying to pass themselves off as more prosperous categories of men from the premium and optimal segments. Therefore, in assessing those of your men, information about whom you have in an incomplete or distorted form, or in whom you have already fallen in love and therefore are temporarily unable to objectively accept those not quite decent facts from their lives that you actually already know, you are most likely wrong. Of course, in the direction of increasing their status. And this mistake can become fatal for you!

However, my business is only to warn you about such a possibility. I invite you to be critical and reasonable. So, I give you my examples of correct biographies of grooms under the age of thirty.

♥ Correct Biographies and Types of Grooms for a Happy Marriage: ♥

A. Most likely the premium segment for a happy marriage:

around the age of 30:

- A man from a complete wealthy or average family, where there are still children. Has completed higher education. Systematically works in state, municipal, budget, commercial, law enforcement or power structures, where career and financial growth is possible. May own a business or be involved in a family business. Has no tendency to alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, suicide, depression, infidelity. Necessarily has a car and drives it. Owns an apartment or has a mortgage. After reaching the age of 23-25, he did not live with his parents.

If he is not yet married, then he did not have a long experience of living in a civil marriage (more than a year). And he has no children, including those conceived at random. He could have a long-term love relationship, which ended unsuccessfully due to a man's unwillingness to marry before he had taken place in life, his unwillingness to be financially dependent on a woman, and his hasty girlfriends lack patience.

- A man from a complete, but not rich family, where there are still children. Has completed higher education. He systematically works in state, municipal, budgetary, commercial, law enforcement or power structures, where not only career and financial growth is possible, but this man has already achieved something there. May own a business or be involved in a family business. Has no tendency to alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, suicide, depression, infidelity. Necessarily has a car and drives it. Owns an apartment or has a mortgage. After reaching the age of 23-25, he did not live with his parents. Did not have a long experience of living in a civil marriage (more than a year). Was not married. Has no children, including those conceived at random. With a love relationship, too, as in the paragraph above.

Marital happiness with these men is almost guaranteed, especially if the wife either gives birth to more than two children, or she herself makes a successful career, or the man himself turns out to be a workaholic and his whole life will be work. Then even his possible betrayal will not be a threat to the family. Everything will turn out perfect for a happy marriage.

at the age of 30-45:

everything is the same, only additional requirements are a plus:

- It is obligatory to enter into an official marriage before the age of 30, before 35-40 years, it is obligatory to have a child or two or three in marriage. If he was married for some time and there were no children in the marriage, then legally the divorce was made within a period of no more than a year after the spouses parted. Or he was married, had a child / children, divorced due to his wife's betrayal, he himself initiated a divorce, continues personal contacts with the child / children, provides him / them with significant financial assistance. If he was married "by flight", then a few years later a second child was already planned in his family. The reasons for divorce and post-divorce behavior are the same as above.

B. Most likely, the optimal segment for a happy marriage:

under the age of 30:

- A man from an incomplete or poor family, where he is the only child. Has completed higher education. Systematically works in state, municipal, budgetary, commercial, law enforcement or power structures. May own a business or be involved in a family business. Has no tendency to alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, suicide, depression, infidelity. Having your own apartment is desirable, but not required. A man can rent an apartment. The main thing is that after reaching the age of 23-25, he does not live with his parents, he must have a car and drive it. Did not have a long experience of living in a civil marriage (more than two years). If he was not married, then he has no children, including those conceived at random.

If he was married for some time and there were no children in the marriage, then legally the divorce was made within a period of no more than a year after the spouses parted. Or he was married, had a child / children, then divorced due to his wife's betrayal, he himself initiated a divorce, continues personal contacts with the child / children, provides him / them with significant financial assistance. If he was married "by flight", then a few years later a second child was already planned in his family. The reasons for the divorce and the behavior after the divorce are the same as indicated above.

- A man from an incomplete and poor family who received a completed higher education after a technical school or college. He systematically works in state, municipal, budgetary, commercial, law enforcement or power structures, where not only career and financial growth is possible, but this man has already achieved something there. May own a business or be involved in a family business. Has no tendency to alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, suicide, depression, infidelity. Necessarily has a car and drives it. Owns an apartment or has a mortgage. A man can rent an apartment. After reaching the age of 23-25, he did not live with his parents. Did not have a long experience of living in a civil marriage (more than two years). Stubbornly does not want to live with a woman or her parents, can do it only in an extreme case and only for a short time. Not inclined to conduct relationships with several women at once. If he has not yet been married, he has no children, including those conceived at random.

If he was married for some time and had no children in the marriage and legally the divorce was made within a period of no more than a year after the spouses parted. If he was married and had a child / children, divorced due to his wife's infidelity, he himself initiated the divorce, continues personal contacts with the child / children, provides him / them with significant financial assistance. If he was married "by flight", then a few years later a second child was already planned in his family. The reasons for divorce and post-divorce behavior are the same as above.

- A man from any family of any state, with a secondary specialized education, without trying to get a higher education, or still studying at a university with clear chances to graduate. Carries out a career quickly. He has a clear ability to conduct commercial activities, systematically works in commerce, in production, in his own or family business. The money earned is invested primarily in the further development of business or property, and not in entertainment. Has no tendency to alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, suicide, depression, infidelity. Necessarily has a car and drives it. Owns an apartment or has a mortgage. A man can rent an apartment. After reaching the age of 23-25, he did not live with his parents. Did not have a long experience of living in a civil marriage (more than a year). If he has not yet been married, he has no children, including those conceived at random.

If he was married for some time and there were no children in the marriage, the divorce was legally made within a period of no more than a year after the spouses separated.

If he was married and had a child / children, then he divorced due to his wife's betrayal, he himself initiated a divorce, continues regular personal contacts with the child / children, and provides him / them with significant financial assistance. If he was married "by flight", then a few years later a second child was already planned in his family. The reasons for divorce and post-divorce behavior are the same as above.

Marital happiness with these men is almost guaranteed. Wives rarely leave such husbands. Men themselves leave the family if there is a significant deterioration in the appearance, sexuality and character of the wife. In this case, these men quickly attract female attention to themselves, begin to conduct long-term and systemic "left" love relationships. As a rule, there are several of these relationships. The first and second relationships, although they last for years, usually do not lead to divorce (to the great grief of mistresses), since these men, due to their responsibility, leave the family only after the children become adults, after they reach the age of 14. 18 years. Luck smiles only on those lovers who either themselves turn out to be from wealthy families, or are incredibly beautiful, or were able to wait for the children of lovers from this category to come of age.

at the age of 30-45:

Additional requirements are the same as for men of the premium segment: It is obligatory to enter into an official marriage before the age of 30, before the age of 35-40 it is obligatory to have a child or two or three in marriage. If he was married for some time and there were no children in the marriage, then legally the divorce was made within a period of no more than a year after the spouses parted. Or he was married, had a child / children, divorced due to his wife's betrayal, he himself initiated a divorce, continues personal contacts with the child / children, provides him / them with significant financial assistance. If he was married "by flight", then a few years later a second child was already planned in his family. The reasons for the divorce and the behavior after the divorce are the same as indicated above.

Plus, the requirements are typical only for the optimal segment:

- If a man was in a marriage entered into by him before he reached thirty years of age, had a child / children, but for some reason got a mistress (s), then he must divorce either only when the children reach at least 12-14 years old, or if more their early age, then more than provide material and financial conditions for them and their ex-wife.

Q. Most likely difficult segment for a happy marriage:

under the age of 30:

Men, regardless of what families they come from, whether they have their own home or not, what kind of education they have, if before they reach 30 years of age they already had the following features of their biography in their lives:

  • - while they are not alcoholics, drug addicts, gambling addicts, not criminals, not womanizers, however, they have a clear and persistent dependence on such friends who are clearly and firmly registered in any of these categories and can bring them there with them;
  • - are clearly dependent in their decisions on their parents, other relatives or friends, they try very hard for them, and not for the family;
  • - have obvious abilities to manage people or commercial talents, but they like to be scattered in different directions, do not like to work systematically: they strive to remain talented loners, or to hit a big jackpot, and then live for years on these funds, or manage and work remotely, as well as in a mode freelance. Instead of successful implementation in real life, instead of specifics of career and financial growth, they are engaged in endless self-development with a not very clear perspective;
  • - for a long time they are engaged in activities that are seasonal in nature or involve regular business trips and shifts;
  • - have children born out of wedlock (including those born in a civil marriage) with whom they can maintain regular personal and financial relationships;
  • - were married as a result of an unplanned pregnancy, divorced after the child reaches the age of 7-10, continue regular personal contacts with the child / children, provide him / them with significant financial assistance (sometimes through their parents or other relatives);
  • - were in such a marriage (regardless of its duration, the number of children and the circumstances of their birth), where after the termination of cohabitation (the reasons for this are not important) with their former "half" for a long time (more than a year) did not formalize their divorce legally;
  • - are prone to flirting with other women, most often - not with the aim of cheating and creating new families, but either to increase their own self-esteem, or not at all understanding why they are doing it;
  • - ready to live for years in an apartment with their woman (or together with her in a rented apartment to her), but at least pay for it themselves.

Marital happiness with these men is difficult and very specific. These men, as a rule, even in marriage, live their own lives and carry out the entire volume of family responsibilities only after severe pressure from their wife and parents. Sometimes it is not possible to get them to deal with family affairs at all. Wives and children live, as it were, next to them, not particularly occupying their minds and time. But such men can make good money, travel and have prestigious housing. Unfortunately, they often do not control their own behavior, hence their whole life scandals and tragedies, leaving home and returning back. A common thing is divorces, after which the spouses still continue to live together and may even have children.

at the age of 30-45:

Additional requirements at this age are simple: so that these men do not create in their lives, they should not show such behavioral traits and biographical facts that are characteristic of men from the lower problem segment.

D. Most likely a problem segment for a happy marriage.

under the age of 30:

Men, regardless of which family they come from, if before reaching 30 years of age they had the following facts of their biography in their lives:

  • - clearly belong to the number of alcoholics, drug addicts, gamers, criminals (especially if they had a criminal record), are prone to suicide and depression;
  • - studied at a higher educational institution (including military and other others), but could not finish them before reaching 30 years of age;
  • - even having obvious abilities to manage people or commercial talents constantly change jobs, or even have no job for months or years, being supported by loved ones (hence the habit for girls to spend their money on them);
  • - by the age of 30, as a rule, they are already washed out of state, municipal and law enforcement structures (since they cannot systematically manage themselves) into production or small commercial organizations, or individual entrepreneurship (where you can go into a binge, etc.);
  • - change regularly;
  • - have children born out of wedlock (including those born in a civil marriage) with whom they do not maintain regular personal and financial relations;
  • - are not protected during sexual intercourse with those partners whose family perspective has not yet been precisely determined;
  • - tend to live for a long time with their or other people's parents / mother / grandmother, rent apartments with someone (friends, relatives, etc.);
  • - had the experience of long-term residence or marriage with a woman who is much older than them, socially or financially significantly more successful;
  • - were married as a result of an unplanned pregnancy, divorced before the child reaches 7-10 years of age, do not continue regular personal contacts with the child / children, do not provide him / them with significant financial assistance;
  • - were married, where they divorced before the child reaches the age of 7, do not continue regular personal contacts with the child / children, do not provide him / them with significant financial assistance. Or they communicate with the child and help, but after parting with the former "half" for a long time (more than six months or a year) they did not formalize their divorce legally.
  • - had the experience of several civil marriages lasting more than a year;
  • - had an experience of unstable "shuttle behavior", when they left an official or common-law wife for another woman, then came back several times, and then left again;
  • - had the experience of filing an application for marriage registration with the registry office with the subsequent refusal of the wedding;
  • - had experience of either direct coercion of a woman to abortion, or indirect, when they could not definitely state their position on this issue;
  • - conflict with a woman mainly after using alcohol or drugs;
  • - in case of conflicts with a woman, they tend to take long breaks in communication, leave the house or drive the woman out of it, repeatedly beat and / or insult the woman (child, children);
  • - ready to live for years not only with their woman, but also with her parents, not really trying to pay for it or move;
  • - are inclined not to pay for their beloved women, to take back their gifts in case of quarrels, to promise to forgive, but not to forgive;
  • - most of everything that is declared aloud, or what a given man undertakes, is not carried out in practice.

Marital happiness with these men is almost impossible, especially long-term. These unsystematic men, no matter how hard they try every month "to draw the right conclusions from what happened and start living from scratch," are usually unable to control themselves. The bright periods of life with them rarely last more than a few months, but family wars or cooling off last for years. Hence, marriage with them is life on a volcano that explodes regularly. No stability, or rather, stable instability. Especially in betrayal and manifestations of various addictions. Wives and children are usually thrown by the data of a man situationally, when a man is carried away by another woman, as a rule - from the same series as themselves. More often than not, wives run away from them themselves, as soon as the children grow up a little, and the woman takes over at work, saves money and decides the issue of housing. As a rule, women marry such men only because they or their parents have housing and money. Without apartments and money, these men have no prospects at all. The unpleasant moment at the same time is that they do not know how to save, and everything acquired, regardless of size and volume, quickly leaves their hands.

The main trouble of these men is their incredible attractiveness for women, due to the fact that since they do not want to study and work, they always have a huge amount of free time and a willingness to communicate, communicate and communicate, talking about their rich inner world and life experience … Women are usually mistaken and naively think that this lifestyle of a man is only for the happiness of this couple, for their love communication. From here, women immediately build themselves castles in the sand and try to settle them down. When a girl realizes with horror that she has again come across a weakling, parasite, parasite or gigolo, she is usually either already pregnant, or has taken a loan to the man for herself, or has been used in some other financial or housing way. Hence, men of this category always have many illegitimate children. And it is because of them that there are so many abortions in the country.

at the age of 30-45:

These men can either try to take hold of their heads and, having made heroic efforts over themselves, move into the category of a difficult segment. If they have not been able to improve their life and family indicators, then the picture of their life at the age of 30-45 is a logical continuation of their life before the age of 30: more promises, more unfinished, more addictions, more abandoned women and children, even more irritation from life and others, but not from yourself.

Irresponsible egoists and parasites often cheat on their wives and

close, but rarely change themselves, keeping their "I" forever

Of course, people can be respected for constancy, but not in this case.

E. Most likely a hopeless segment for a happy marriage.

around the age of 30:

All men, regardless of which family they come from, if before reaching 30 years of age they had the following facts of their biography in their lives:

  • - up to the age of 30 they continue to live with their parents, mother, other close relatives (especially if they have their own housing, which for some reason is rented out);
  • - even living independently, had no experience of long-term cohabitation with a woman at all;
  • - not married until the age of 30;
  • - do not have children under 30 (regardless of whether they are out of wedlock or married);
  • - by the age of 30, they do not show sexual activity at all;
  • - by the age of 30 they have no real desire to work and no serious work experience;
  • - by the age of 30, either do not have a driver's license at all, or receive one, but do not drive a car on a regular basis;
  • - have experience of ineffective treatment of alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, depressive states, have made suicide attempts;
  • - have multiple convictions;

These men often do not create marriages at all, women only waste their life time on them, often just get pregnant according to the scheme “for themselves” and try in vain to attract fathers to the upbringing and maintenance of children. Or women enter into an alliance with their parents and openly marry these men to themselves, in order to still get married and give birth in marriage (if the girl is already over thirty), appropriate their living space, money, career opportunities or the connections and means of their parents. If these men live in a family, then they behave like another child. By creating a marriage with these men, the girls, in fact, marry themselves.

at the age of 30-45:

These men can either go into the category of problem or difficult, but women are still rarely happy with them in marriage. Their additional criteria are usually the same as the basic requirements for difficult or problematic men.

Important note for all segments: It is extremely difficult to characterize suitors over 40-45 years old. The fact is that unmarried men from the premium segment over the age of 40 are practically not found, except in cases of the early death of their spouse or betrayal on her part. And they are immediately taken away by those women who happened to be next to them. Why casual women? Because men of the premium segment are usually poorly versed in women, as they are all the time busy with business, not adventures. Of course, they are saved by the fact that in the socially successful strata of society, women are most often from the premium and optimal segment. However, they often marry completely random women from difficult or problematic female segments. Which has been praised many times in films such as "Pretty Woman", etc.

Unmarried men from the optimal segment over the age of 40 are also practically not found. However, with the mistakes of their wives, such men may be prone to betrayal and the creation of those long-term "left" relationships, when, after a divorce from their wives, they quickly marry again those mistresses who could wait for them. If they do not marry them quickly, then they move into the difficult segment.

Difficult, problematic and unpromising for family life men by the age of 40-45 (and many by the age of 30) either still make an effort on themselves and move to the optimal segment, or learn to lie to women so masterfully and pass themselves off as the optimum and premium men that lonely and falling in love women are still not able to bring them to clean water. These grated rolls, burned out by life, will always present their past life as they need. They will hide convictions and addictions. Tell a lie about education and work experience. They will tell you that they gave all their apartments and cars to past wives and children. They will convince them that they have become a victim of crises and circumstances. Create the illusion of their current or future success. They will be able to make it absolutely impossible to live without them. They will gain confidence and move to the woman to live, making it so that she herself will be the initiator of this. Therefore, teaching women to identify them is useless, women still lose to them and give birth from them.

After 45 years, many difficult and problematic men begin to have health and potency problems, they can no longer physically show their alcohol, drug or gambling addictions, their sexual needs decrease. Therefore, at the age of 45-55, having made the right conclusions for themselves and "having gone mad", they may be quite a good option in order to quietly while away the old years and old age for the same age woman. Their past may no longer matter much for a woman 45-60 years old. However, if she is critical and observant, she can always understand who she is dealing with.

I am perfectly aware that this knowledge will be completely useless for women in a problematic and unpromising segment: they will still find similar men for themselves. However, I hope that women from the premium, optimal and difficult segments will become at least a little more circumspect and begin to take into account how their new acquaintances men pass according to the rating scale of psychologist Andrei Zberovsky, where ten important factors are taken into account:

  • - whether men received and received higher education as a result;
  • - how old they began to live separately from their parents;
  • - how systematically they work and make their careers;
  • - do they have their own home and car;
  • - do they know how to earn a stable income and not waste money;
  • - whether they have any addictions and convictions;
  • - how much they are inclined to use the property of women, their connections and money;
  • - how prone they are to adultery;
  • - to what extent they are able to have children on a planned basis, to be good fathers not only in marriage, but also in divorce;
  • - to what extent they are able to fulfill their promises on time and be stable in their decisions (including the decision to marry, divorce, leave, not return, not remind, forgive, give forever, etc.).

If you also take this into account, your chances of marrying a premium, optimal, or at least difficult groom will be much higher, and the chances of becoming a victim of a problematic or unpromising groom will be minimal.

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