Therapy Experience Of Violence

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Sadly, in our country, every second child has been physically, emotionally or sexually abused

Mostly from the family. Sometimes - from teachers or children. The child has no choice, he is forced to remain in a situation of violence and hope that someone will notice and influence the aggressors. But often people experience confusion, fear or shame in the situation of the observer. They pass by, lower their eyes. Growing up, a person makes one of two decisions for himself - either “never again” or “it's okay”.

In the first case, he can have normal relationships with people. But more often he himself becomes the aggressor. Often in relation to yourself.

If this person once made a decision that it is normal to live in a situation of violence, then his whole subsequent life will be a repetition of the situation of violence. He will remain a victim. It is really difficult for such an adult to keep himself safe. After all, he does not know how otherwise.

What is worth knowing about violence?

Violence is a very broad concept. Beating or rape comes to mind for most of us. But in reality, everything is more complicated. Violence is any act that harms another person and is not accompanied by his consent to such an effect. People who come to cope with the aftermath of childhood abuse are most likely to voice only truly radical experiences. But when we start talking more, it becomes clear that their history of violence is very voluminous.

For example, emotional abuse is ignoring or degrading honor and dignity by parents or teachers. Physical abuse - it may not even be a strong blow, but it is often repeated. Sexual assault is even more difficult. By and large, even a situation when a child sees parental intercourse can be considered sexual violence. Further on this scale there will be a demonstration of genitals, conversations on a sexual topic and rape itself. Unfortunately, all this is far from a rare case in our reality.

Most often, a victim of violence turns to a psychotherapist for the following reasons:

• the inability to build long-term trusting relationships with people;
• recurring experiences of violence in adulthood;
• psychosomatic diseases;
• various personality disorders;
• social phobias;
• fear of loneliness or abandonment;
• panic attacks.

Where to start to help?

First of all, I help the person to understand that he is in a situation of violence. If it has never been otherwise, then the victim will not even call it violence. She needs help to realize that what is happening is wrong, abnormal. To understand that the chair on which she (the victim) has been sitting for years is a place of torture. At this stage, I often encounter aggression from a partner or an aggressor relative. It `s naturally. The victim, who once realized in what hell he lives, will not be able to “see” it. Her behavior will change.

Then I help the little frightened child inside the victim of violence to find support in me. Understand that I will not harm or betray. That I'll be on his side. And at the same time, to see in me enough strength not to be afraid of his offenders. Over time, and sometimes this time is needed a lot, the child inside the Client begins to believe me. And only then does the real therapy begin.

At the stage of psychotherapy of the consequences of violence, this child feels safe enough with me to tell his story. Sometimes scary, sometimes even shameful. But out loud. At first, these are just words, not accompanied by feelings. After all, it’s hard to speak. Our psyche is a perfect system. So perfect that it cuts off any emotions that may arise. And at first a person really does not feel them.

Defense mechanisms

It would be great if it only worked for the history of violence. But by cutting off the ability to be sad and afraid, defense mechanisms cut off the ability to rejoice from us. Sometimes the ability to love is even killed. Love yourself first. And without this, it is impossible to love another. After all, love in its healthy sense is an exchange. A person traumatized by violence is subconsciously looking for someone from whom he can take. Take care, love, safety. And only when this cup is full will he be able to give. Of course, these are the radical consequences of childhood abuse.

What happens next during abuse psychotherapy? Then the time comes to feel. Little by little, with homeopathic doses. Victims of violence have a deep, intense fear that they will not cope with their feelings. After all, they are very intense, and there are so many of them! I, in turn, promise to keep the Client and make sure that everything is fine with him. I dose emotions so that they are safe, and I help not only feel them, but understand what they are about. A legitimate question may arise: why feel negative emotions? Moreover, the emotions of situations that have long been in the past. Indeed, this experience is difficult and unpleasant. It would not bring pleasure to anyone.

The point is that our brain tends to complete open-ended questions. Failure to complete certain situations inside and leads to these negative emotions. These situations arise because important relationship needs are not being met. As a natural consequence, negative experiences arise, whether emotional or physical. We have protective mechanisms of the psyche that suppress these emotions if they are too strong at the moment. Therefore, the moment the trauma occurs, the negative emotion is suppressed. This does not mean that it leaves - it is pushed out of the conscious sphere into the subconscious.

What happens next?

In a situation that even slightly resembles the original one, the experienced emotions arise again. We do not react from reality, but from that past situation. Even if that decision does not suit us today and will bring harm. If we are talking about a situation of violence (no matter what form), this means that we will react to a hand raised for a greeting as if we were swinging for a blow. Both literally and figuratively.

Thus, psychotherapy of violence often consists of making the repressed emotions conscious. It means giving the person the choice of how to react. As a result, the raised hand is perceived as a raised hand, then the purpose of this raising is assessed. And then a decision is made about the reaction. This entire process takes a few seconds. But it fundamentally changes the reality of the victim of violence. The belief that the world is a dangerous place disappears.

What results do we expect?

After the Inner Child is able to be in contact with another person without expecting the habitual violence, it is time to return the person's strength and power over his life. This is the most wonderful stage in therapy. On it, the former victim of violence understands that nothing can happen to her that she will not allow. There are, of course, repeated situations, but with the majority of psychologically healthy people, they happen extremely rarely, because a person is doing well with boundaries and intuition.

In addition to understanding, a completely new skill emerges at this stage - setting boundaries that are incredibly difficult to break. A person regains strength and the ability to influence his life and the people around him. The ability to speak openly about your needs. This is an invaluable gift that is given to each of us from birth, but society takes it from us during our life, instilling too many rules. Sometimes there are very contradictory rules that impose restrictions on our desires and needs that are quite natural for us.

The main goal in working with victims of violence is to get them out of the scenario when they are only able to be in one relationship - play. That is, a relationship in which a person can take only one of three roles - the victim of violence, the one who carries out this violence, or the one who saves others at the cost of his own health. The best result is a person's ability to be well aware of their relationship needs and find people who are able to satisfy these needs. It is the ability to be vulnerable in a relationship without becoming a victim, taking responsibility. Only in such a relationship can we feel free and at the same time safe. Do not depend on another person and do not be alone.