WHY ARE WE AFRAID TO DECLARE OURSELF?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

This is how the psyche works - we have grown up, but we continue to unconsciously cut off from ourselves what parents and significant adults did not accept in us in childhood.

For example:

✅ The one who was told “don't be smart” in childhood - freezes his abilities and mind.

✅ Someone who is called a slob or teased for being overweight does not feel beautiful.

✅ If at home it was not customary to express your feelings, it generates a prohibition to show your violent temperament.

✅ Someone who has been compared to other children will continue to look around and be afraid to be worse than others.

✅ This is how the prohibitions to be feminine and sexual, the prohibition to be masculine and to fight in the competition are born.

Although we grew up and live separately from our parents, our “criticizing parent” remained inside us, who with his prohibitions keeps “on the sidelines” of life.

✅ It seems to us that it is safer to be on the sidelines and not show up than to finally declare loudly about who I am and what I want.

✅ The prohibition to manifest protects from re-experiencing the severe pain that bullying, ridicule, rejection, criticism caused us in childhood. The psyche protects us from the repetition of trauma. But this prevents you from achieving something very important, takes away strength and deprives you of opportunities.

✅ It is even more difficult for those who have not experienced mental separation from their parents. For them, it is not their personal goals and priorities in life that are more important, but the desire to please another, to receive attention, approval and acceptance from significant people and the public.

DO YOU KNOW? It is very sad.

As long as a person is dependent on the opinions of other people and does not have a clear understanding of WHAT I REALLY am without the desire of the “other”, what I am, what my strengths, what are my limitations - and the people around you will not have understanding what kind of person he is.

And without this, there is no harmonious relationship with the opposite sex, no career in a profession that will bring pleasure and decent money.

People see us through the prism of their reality, their life stories, as well as the way we position ourselves! And if we are afraid to show ourselves, then people have nothing to see.

What does it mean to you to be visible, to prove yourself?

For example, someone wants to emphasize their beauty, someone has a creative talent, someone wants to finally launch their own project. And some allow themselves to relax and be themselves in a relationship without fear of rejection.

But many of us:

- stop themselves, because….

- feel fear (what?)

- are afraid to feel ashamed (for what?)

- feel guilty (before whom and for what?)

- do not want to face criticism and condemnation (who?)

What happens if you do try to assert yourself?

- Do you feel the strength to realize your plans?

- Do you have energy, knowledge, skills, abilities, value of yourself?

- what happens if you take the risk and fail?

- is it easier for you to prove yourself when you compete or cooperate?

We can explore all these aspects during psychoanalytic sessions to help you be born and reveal your personality:

• To live in an atmosphere of support those feelings and the situation that served as the beginning of the prohibition to manifest. In a therapeutic relationship, you will be able to appropriate a different experience - the experience of acceptance. The experience of “being yourself” without fear of rejection. And put a “caring” host parent inside yourself. Become a support for yourself.
• Remove parental prohibitions and restrictions.
• Learn to deal with criticism and fear. We will grow your “inner advocate” who will allow you to make mistakes, be imperfect and accept your limitations. After revealing our individuality, we will have to meet our fears, to meet with criticism. We can't be good for everyone! Values will coincide with someone, but someone will definitely not share our position in life.
• Connect with your feelings.
• Find out your true desires, find a resource for their realization.

Elena Ermolenko

Psychologist. Psychoanalyst. Coach

I bring back the taste of life!