Why Are Parents Afraid To Massage Their Children?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Very often I have to explain to parents, or rather to mothers, that they are able to perform different massage techniques for their children themselves, and not wait for a masseur. Why do they stun me with such a question: "What if I make my child worse?" How can this be, how can a mother do something wrong with her child? After all, she picks him up several times a day, looks after him, plays, lulls him, why is she not afraid to take him wrong, put him wrong, not hug him like that? But the topic of massage immediately causes tension. I understand that there are cases when a woman grew up in a lack of bodily attention and communication. And in this case, it must be difficult for her to be open to touch.

Where did the idea arise in women (for now, only about them, about men) that they could harm their child? How can they even think so? They must have been intimidated !!! Some mothers explained to me that, they say, we don't know how to do it right, but the massage therapist knows - so let him do it.

There is such a situation: a child with developmental disabilities, for example, cerebral palsy, is growing in a family. In this case, the parents probably want to see a specialist nearby. Such a specialist has studied special massages and practices for children with special needs for many years. Indeed, he can seriously help. He can train parents to work independently with their child. The specialist is limited in his abilities: he cannot find the most suitable moment for work, interaction with the child every time. And a parent can, and therefore should know and be able, in a sense, more than a masseur.

Once in Vladivostok, I conducted a training “What does a child want?”. The conversation was about how you can physically interact with the child to help him, for example, in his studies, so that he becomes more focused, calm, balanced or less hyperactive and destructive for others and himself. I showed exercises and special techniques for working with the body: exercises, games, massage techniques. All mothers (and these trainings are often attended by mothers, not fathers) repeated. Suddenly one asks: “Wouldn't my massage hurt the child, because I don't know exactly all the points! I’m not a specialist who specially studied this? What if I press the wrong place or not?"

To be honest, I was surprised - no one asked such questions before. I asked this mother if she had a certificate, permission, certificate that would confirm her right to have a child. After all, this is a very important and responsible business that requires a huge amount of knowledge, skills and special skills. Has she gone through parenting training, psychological tests, is she smart enough, physically developed and healthy? What about your father? Did he get all the necessary permissions too? And what about grandparents? They took a special course "I am a grandfather, I am a grandmother!" It amused everyone. It was imprinted on me that the question was asked quite seriously. I began to pay attention to how parents communicate with their children through touch, and how grandparents do.

My observations disappointed me in many ways. People do not know how to communicate on a bodily level with their children and grandchildren. That is, of course, all children love and so on, but how little touch comes from adults! To tell, teach, show, do, buy, make money, arrange a proper kindergarten and school - yes, adults have learned this. They can even slap on a soft spot, put them in a corner - this is such a bodily effect in their arsenal.

But where has the touch gone? Who stole it from us? Did we give it ourselves?

Maybe we, adults, were brought up in this way, taught? We were told when we were kids what is right? Maybe we are ashamed and uncomfortable to be tactile? Maybe we want touch and care so much that we freeze and in such a state can neither give nor take?

Quite often at the reception, I hear that when the child was born, one of the grandparents began to reprimand: "do not carry it often in your arms, otherwise it will get used to it, then it will sit on your neck." That is, in other words, you will spoil. And what is this "spoil"? Why and where did they get it?

The saddest thing, in my opinion, is that even a husband and wife very rarely or never massage each other. While teaching various techniques for working with the body, I say, for example, that this is useful to do so that the legs do not swell, but this is for a healthy back; and it's great if you and your husband do this kind of foot massage to each other. And in response I hear: “No, my husband will not do anything to me! Tired comes! And he doesn’t know how, no, he won’t!” It also happens with women, but still our men are more tense and constricted.

Or like this: "How can I ask him to give me a massage for sure?"

It always surprises me! How can this be? How can you not help your wife, husband, child?

The fastest, safest, highest quality, no contraindications, no analogues, domestic and endless Medicine people do not want to use!

Even in the most sad and sad-powerless state, we can simply stroke a person several times, touch and hold his hand, shoulder, leg, lean against, snuggle. And that's it! It always gets easier after that. Almost everything can and should be healed with a touch!

When a child feels bad, he fell, bumped, no one even thinks that we need to take him now right, so as not to squeeze, not pinch, not damage. They grab and squeeze and soothe - and that's all, that's enough, it works. Any animal, again, knows and does it.

Therefore, I do not accept any conversations that a loved one may somehow be wrong, press the wrong way, touch or harm the child with my bodily contact! More precisely, behind this I see a simple unwillingness to do something myself. Oddly enough, many find it easier to invite a massage therapist or go for a massage themselves than to wait for it from their husband / wife. Even if you get very tired after work, there is always a little strength to start at least some movement, an exercise that will gradually empower you. And then you will be in shape again.

By the way, some of my test questions now include: “Does the family have a TV? Do you watch him? " If the answer to both questions is "Yes!" - I anticipate a long conversation about motivation. For if a person voluntarily watches TV, instead of taking care of himself and the children, then TV is more important to him. (I will not take the rare case when a person needs to watch TV constantly at work even at home).

Children love movement and touch, this is their most important need in the first days, weeks, months and years of life. We were children, we definitely loved movement, we loved ourselves. It remains to return to this and no longer leave oneself so far into adulthood.