Jealous And Provocateurs: Eternal Union

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

From love to hate, one step, you say? Jealousy can help you take this step. Then no love will save - jealousy will devour any bright moments of the greatest feeling. Let's talk about this all-consuming state: is the jealous always to blame, is it possible to cope with this feeling and what to do, if it is jealousy that is the cause of difficulties in your union.

We are used to thinking that jealousy is what shows how interesting and dear we are to our partner: “jealous means loving,” we think and are wrong. Consider the participants in the relationship and what games they play. As a rule, these roles are combined, alternate, and the jealous person is not always guilty of jealousy: behind his back may be the one who used his passionate nature or self-doubt, that is, the provocateur.

Jealous and Jealous

1. The Othello Phenomenon

Remember the Shakespearean story about Othello and Desdemona: Othello, strong, noble, possessing authority, strangled his beloved and loving woman, believing in her betrayal from the words of other people. So in everyday life, "fear has big eyes" - our imagination plays a cruel joke with us, forcing us to imagine and present in colors that which did not exist and does not exist. We ourselves destroy relationships by living out non-existent events, succumbing to the temptation to "write history" ourselves. But the main reason why this particular scenario is developing is our complete trust in headphones, which, pursuing their own goals, are always ready to "serve" and destroy your happiness in passing.

Othello:

• try to listen less to the opinions of your friends;
• look at the situation from the other side: what is the motive of the messenger bringing the bad news, does he have a personal interest in your spoiled relationship, and is he a friend at all?
• restrain aggression and anger - they are bad advisers;
• trust yourself and your half more - this is only your life and no one, except you, can strengthen or destroy it.

Desdemona:

• talk to your partner more, talk openly about your feelings, discuss those moments that may arouse his jealousy;
• do not give reasons, try to include a partner in your plans;
• use agreements when you determine in advance that one of you is the eldest and he himself gives you the "go-ahead" on hikes, trips, visits - this will relieve tension in a couple, make the relationship more "transparent".

2. Difficult Simpleton

Karandyshev, the hero of AN Ostrovsky's "Dowry", is a jealous person of a different type. He is modest in appearance, dull in everyday communication, a nervous person with very big ambitions. A sort of "general sparrow". The state of such a jealous person is painful for himself and even more for those around him, because he constantly acts to "break the template." External simplicity and seeming simplicity and a storm of passions seething in his soul make him look for reasons for a fight, demand from those around him heightened attention, love for himself, proof of his rightness, his exclusivity, his special status in the complete absence of grounds for them. This type of jealous person tends to turn into a paranoid controller of your life - try changing the format of the relationship if you want to keep it.

Difficult Simpleton:

• love yourself, give yourself free rein in self-development, take an interest in yourself for real - this is your life, it's time drive out the fear of failure and cope with resentment and complexes;
• at least once laugh at your jealousy, turn it into a game, into a "circus with horses", into role-playing training, into something that will cease to create such a terrible tension in your life. More often remind yourself of the words of Balzac: "A man's jealousy is made up of selfishness brought to hell, of pride taken by surprise, and irritated false vanity";
• if you are jealous, then start being jealous meaningfully - this is much more interesting, try to analyze yourself, include an outside observer - live with pleasure in this new quality.

Prostak's partner:

• change the look at your chosen one - why is this happening to him? Help him believe in himself, go together on motivating courses, go in for sports or yoga together, meditation;
• celebrate his successes, small and large;
• if you have already tried all this and nothing helps, switch roles - take power over your unruly tyrant, show toughness and will - maybe he has been waiting for the opportunity to be in your strong hands for a long time?

PROVOCATORS

1. Coquette

Like Olga Larina from Alexander Pushkin's bestseller "Eugene Onegin", a person of this type of behavior seems to say with his whole appearance: "Seduce me!" He flirts desperately, not thinking at all about the consequences, or because this flirting is part of his nature, or he does not know how to communicate otherwise. For a born coquette, such a life strategy is natural and does not meet moral obstacles. But what a partner is! The coquette does not notice how painful, bad, uncomfortable her half is, and moreover: the more you are jealous, the more desire to flirt. And if for some reason (awakened consciousness, read a clever book or watched a film) Coquette's eyes open, then, alas, as a rule, coquetry gains new strength and begins to become a deliberate behavior that hurts a partner, dotting Coquette's life path with dozens of broken hearts. Yoke:

• do not remember about past relationships with a new partner, describe in colors how good it was for you and how you were pampered with gifts and attention - now you are with THIS person, and he lives his life with you;
• appreciate the sincere care and love, the adequate attitude of another towards you, realize that your provocative behavior is protection, a way of existence, but you can do without it and you can change it, try other life strategies;
• start exploring yourself - why flirting gives you pleasure, what is its deepest reason: fear of loneliness, old age, spoiledness and lack of development - introspection is always useful. …

Coquette's partner:

• let your sweet Coquette "outgrow" this period, try not to break, but to gently correct this lively and windy nature. Act as the senior in the relationship, and your soul mate will be left to be a capricious child under a kind and calm gaze;
• accept that Coquette is not trying to deliberately hurt you and deliberately make you jealous, this is a way to live and feel - try to be on the same wavelength, participate more in each other's life, then, perhaps, the Coquette's need for flirting on the side will also disappear;
• add sex - this will exacerbate relations, make them deeper, brighter, leave no strength either for flirtation or for jealousy.

2. "Dear friend"

Maupassant, who wrote the novel of the same name at the end of the 19th century, did not suspect that he had described the life of a man of the 20th century. Flexible, not gifted with any professional or business qualities, but at the same time endowed with physical beauty and charm, he is ready for a lot: adventure, forgery, lies, flattery for the sake of achieving the goal. And the goal is one - to live beautifully, to make a career, to break out into people, to become a "significant person" - that is, the tasks are more than material. "Dear friend" quickly realizes what a powerful weapon in his hands, and begins to live at the expense of women, whom he uses for the soul, body, work, leisure … The key word "uses", that is, fully realizes what and why he is doing. Isn't that so, familiar type? So how can you cope with such a manipulator, not succumb to provocation if you turned out to be his partner and are tormented by jealousy and a desire to save the relationship?

Manipulator:

• allow yourself to feel, not play with feelings, and openly express your desires, try to start trusting - if there is a loving person nearby, he will definitely respond to your impulse;
• change the goal-means ratio: if the other person feels that the relationship and he himself have become a goal for you, and not a means to satisfy your selfish interests, then the benefit will be much greater - love and a happy life no guilt;
• start keeping a diary and re-read it at regular intervals (for example, once every 3 months) - celebrate your successes, the warm attitude of other people towards you, their care and gratitude for the sincere signs of attention.

Manipulator's Partner:

• your jealousy is excellent food even for a beginner Manipulator, therefore find the strength not to be jealous, calm down, look at the situation soundly, critically;
• talk to your partner frankly, explain that he is "exposed" and you understand the tactics of his behavior … In such cases, the Manipulator loses passion and polish and is capable of open conversation;
• role-play "It's the other way around": even if only for one day, but turn into a Manipulator yourself. It is painful, but worth it: your partner will feel on himself how difficult it is to be under the pressure of fear, guilt and their own complexes.

Let's summarize:

1. Trust is what will help your relationship cope with jealousy and manipulation, eliminate control.
2. Build meaningful relationships, learn to negotiate and not break agreements.
3. Engage in joint development with your partner, be interested in each other, attend events that are interesting to both.
4. Do not hide, do not suppress your feelings, talk about what is becoming a problem, and try to find a solution together.
5. If you are jealous, then do it consciously, in therapeutic doses, which is beneficial to the relationship, sharpens feelings.
6. Have sex more often: Your intimacy with your partner is a great way to live a fulfilling life free from anxiety, self-doubt, and jealousy.
7. Do not hesitate to show care, attention and support each other - then jealousy will have no place in your life.