How To Stop Being Jealous? 4 Reasons For Jealousy. Relationship Psychology

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

What could be the reasons for jealousy? How to deal with this agonizing doubt about the loyalty, love and devotion of a loved one? Quite often, jealousy arises against the background of the corresponding actions of the partner. This isn't about dating or calling at all! The partner is not indifferent to the attention of other men (women), feels pleasure from being noticed (it seems that this way he raises self-esteem, and this is really necessary and important for him). How to deal with this?

Be sure to tell a loved one that such actions on his part are unpleasant for you. As a rule, this is often done unconsciously and not with the aim of offending a partner and hurting - in this way some inner need is satisfied. Based on my own experience, I can say that such people are not traitors, they are emotionally fed by such situations. Often they have an injury in the zone of self-esteem and self-perception, so it is extremely important for them to receive such "stroking" through others. Jealousy is always a reason to analyze the boundaries of your relationship (look at everything with a "fresh" look, discuss, change, etc.). If you notice that some of your partner's actions make you jealous, then you don't like it and want it to be different. Talk about it! For example: "Come on, you won't go to a meeting of classmates today, for me the very thought of this is unbearable!" There are various forms of jealousy - you can be quite calm about your partner's contacts with the opposite sex, but be jealous of his close friends (“You spend a lot more time with your girlfriends than with me!”).

Always talk to your partner, mark painful points for you, otherwise affect will arise, and the consequences can be rather sad. Even when experiencing slight irritation, "little jealousy", do not leave all this feeling in the depths of your soul! In the life of each of us there are times when it is easier for us to relate to everything, and vice versa, when we are more vulnerable and we need more attention. An elementary example is female pregnancy. In this position, a woman will always be more jealous, this behavior is due to nature - in this way she protects her baby (we need a dad; return to the family; let you show us what is with us, and we are protected and safe). Jealousy is a clear indicator that your safety is being compromised in some way. Relationships in different countries are arranged in different ways - for Muslims, family and marriage are a source of peace, joy and enjoyment of life, in the Christian religion, relationships are more open and liberated (in some couples there is no jealousy at all, since partners agree in advance about what they may have several men / women). However, this is a matter of agreement and different worldviews, so discuss everything in pairs!

Another reason for jealousy can be a passive form of aggression on the part of the jealous person. You may feel that you are being paid little attention ("Well, give me that attention! Give!"), But at the same time, it is some form of egocentrism (internally, you require your partner to be there 24/7). In the latter case, this is a kind of "sadomaso" game - I gnaw at you, because you are guilty before me (in other words - either you are a victim, and I am a tyrant, or vice versa). Such a game may indicate that you have a highly developed masochistic part, and where there is masochism, there is also sadism.

In this case, carefully analyze your partner's behavior and your response. Be honest with yourself. For example, your partner didn't pay attention to you when you came home from work, and a week later you felt jealous (this was not the first time). As a result, unpleasant thoughts will arise that he was sitting at the computer not for work, but corresponded with some girl. So that jealousy does not come out in the form of passion, try to talk with your partner in advance everything that bothers you (“Come on, when I come home from work, you will devote a little time to me, at least half an hour. Then go on to work”, “Come on in such moments you will not communicate with those … ). Conditions can change, they are never clearly structured like laws in any country - today your actions are quite acceptable for me, but tomorrow everything can change, so train yourself in the ability to talk and ask for something from a partner, name your feelings out loud, be open in relationships and vulnerable because of the pain.

Admitting your pain, "dumping it on the table" is also a difficult skill that needs to be trained (this does not require, does not indicate, do not scourge, do not peck). Showing your pain to your partner does not mean hurting him back or limiting him in something, it means letting your loved one know that you are in pain because of his behavior. Childhood trauma associated with mom, dad, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents. In other words, your mother figure did not belong to you at the moment when you badly needed it. Mom has always been fascinated by dad, sister, brother, other men (she arranged her personal life), and at the same time you remained “out of work”. Jealousy can exist not only in partnership, but also between brothers, sisters, and parents. In this case, a person brings a non-closed gestalt into real life, trying to close it - supposedly I will do something else, and the person close to me will change, will only bring love, tenderness and affection. So, what to do with jealousy and how to deal with it? First of all, you need to work on your self-esteem and self-confidence. Your partner is not giving you enough attention or communicating with others, not because something is wrong with you. It's just that his life is arranged, and your life is your romance, and only you are responsible for every moment of it. Increase the level of self-esteem, come to the training "Apni self-esteem". Develop self-confidence - you are good the way or the way you are, and your partner's behavior has nothing to do with it. Surround yourself with attention not only of the opposite sex, but also of other people - quite often the lack of human “stroking” is hidden under jealousy (compliments, looks, interesting conversations, calls, the interest of friends and acquaintances in your life). It may be worth changing jobs to surround yourself with the opposite sex. This does not mean that you need to start a relationship with these people, but even basic communication will give you confidence.

Be open and honest about your feelings. First, you will do this, then the partner will reach for you (if the person is not engaged in psychology, it will be difficult for him to think of doing this himself, to learn this behavior), so go first and drag your loved one along. In any case, when you increase your level of awareness and emotional intelligence, your partner will follow, but the process is slow, difficult and painful. Developing openness, sincerity and emotional availability, learning not to be afraid of your vulnerability is best in therapy, with another living person. In order not to be afraid of your vulnerability, you need to open up to at least one person in a safe environment, when you know for sure that no one will condemn or hurt in return. The ideal way to practice this new experience is therapy.

Take a break from your partner's life. Jealousy is essentially when your life is built around your partner. Live your life and interests, set ambitious goals that will inspire, because energy should be not only in relationships, but also in the realization of your own life. A person who has goals, strives for something and achieves what he wants, he "shines" and at the same time attracts other people. A passionate person always generates curiosity and extra attention, so get carried away with yourself and your life, find something you like, and put your energy into it.