How To Stop Being Jealous?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Envy is a feeling that is customary to condemn, be ashamed and not admit it even to oneself. However, in reality, there are no bad feelings - they all signal us about something important.

What is the real psychology of envy? How to deal with this feeling?

Conditionally, envy is divided into "white" and "black". What is the difference? In the first case, this feeling does not harm others at all and constantly forces you to work on yourself, is aimed at internal self-improvement, and not at revenge on someone - "I envy this person and want to reach his level!" Examples of the manifestation of such envy:

- for women: “Oh! What beautiful long hair she has! I'll grow those like that for myself!"

- for men: “Oh! My friend bought a new car! I will definitely buy the same one too!"

Accordingly, a person gradually begins to move towards achieving a goal, for example, to earn more (he knows that in a year or two he will be able to afford the same car as a friend's).

Difficulties begin at the point where envy turns black. When does this happen? At that moment, when there is a desire to destroy the object of envy or make him as bad as the envious himself. In this state, a person completely removes responsibility from himself for everything that happens in his life, believing that it is the object of envy that is the cause of his own failures and humiliated position. In other words, this state can be characterized by one precise phrase - "We do not need anything, as long as others have nothing!" For example, I want to reach the level of Bill Gates, but with my income below the average, I need to work for a hundred years and I’m unlikely to reach this level - the gap is too big! In this case, the feeling of envy begins to torment the person, destroy and "eat" him from the inside.

What to do in this situation?

First you need to study the person to whom envy has arisen, to find out some negative aspects of his life - as a rule, there is a certain price that people pay for their lives. For example, stars cannot go out without makeup (especially girls), they cannot retire somewhere in the city - a journalist can watch, take a picture, and the next day a completely unsightly photo will appear in the newspapers. There are disadvantages in wealth - a person must constantly think about the safety of his money (Where to invest? Which bank is more stable to store?).

Another example, more down to earth and vital. One friend envies the other that she has been married for many years, her husband provides for everything, and in general she has a strong and friendly family. However, in reality, there may be a reverse situation - not everything is so good in marriage (a woman is forced to endure her husband, who is always unhappy with everything).

We may envy the ideal image, but looking deeper, everything may turn out to be completely different from what it seems at first glance - a person may have serious problems.

Analyze what exactly is pleasant in a person - attracted by appearance, money, fame or property (a beautiful car, apartment or house). Then we think deeper. Do you like the way he makes money? The skills that he possesses? Or the ease with which he succeeds in everything in life?

All these points are very important to designate - what and how you like it. You can't just stop at one picture - "He has a good car, I want one too!" If a person does something that is so hooked on him in another (for example, he buys a car), it will not become easier - he turns on and hooks on something deeper. As a rule, with careful analysis, you can find something really important and valuable to you.

Of course, not everyone can become the second Bill Gates, but everyone can give themselves the right to achieve at least something. The main thing is to understand the essence of your envy. In this case, the very process of thinking will be "healing", the worldview will change, the person will not be so "thrown over" with envy: "He is so cool, but I am nothing!". However, living with such beliefs is quite difficult - if you do not return to reality and start moving, you can simply freeze in one place. If you like something, do it!

Everything is possible in life. When a person really wants something, he will definitely achieve it. Perhaps he will not win all the glory of the world, but moving in the right direction can achieve great heights. The main thing is to go to the image that is the object of envy, because this is just what you want. But do not drown on the way to your ideal - in reality, everything is always ambiguous (there is no only white or black, only good or bad). Life is like a labyrinth - the whole path is twisted (something will be good, but something will be bad). That is why if envy is divorced from reality, it is very painful.