How To Raise A Neurotic. Best Practics

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Parents who face problems in relationships with their children are often forced to shovel through many books and publications in order to get at least a general and consistent idea of what is good and what is bad. I decided to write an instruction in the format “don't think - just read and do”, which includes all the most important things:

1. Firmly decide that your child as it is is bad and worthless. And this must be corrected. Believe yourself and convince the child that he was born spoiled and vicious, and the task of adults is to make him a “real person”. This is the basis for the formation of his neurosis.

2. Set realistic goals immediately. A good example: your one-year-old child should learn to keep his clothes clean and take care of your feelings, a 3-year-old should master etiquette, the basics of aesthetics of behavior and distinguish morality from morality, a 6-year-old should be able to sit motionless for hours without the opportunity to scratch, 9-year-old - to understand the foundations of multi-valued logic and subjective idealism, 12-year-olds - to determine their life choices, 15-year-olds be able to sincerely regret that they still cannot earn money and live independently.

3. Remember that the ideal child is an obedient child. After a couple of decades, a good fairy flies to all obedient and twitchy children and turns them into active and independent adults. Those parents who are forced to tell their adult children “do something,” “don’t stay at home,” “we found you a job - go,” evoke sympathy and regret. Their child most likely was not obedient enough. So she didn't arrive.

4. To achieve your goals, focus on eliminating the bad in your child. Do not help your child learn new things - he will be distracted from thinking about how bad he is.

5. Make sure that the child does not have a sense of security - if it takes root, then in the future he will always have something to compare with and he will be deprived of the opportunity to trust scoundrels and deceivers. And what troubles from his unhappy life will he then be able to share with you? You will have nothing to talk about.

6. If you do not know how, then learn to use generalizations: "you always", "you never", "you are nothing", "everything except you", "you are constantly". The ideal construction of the phrase: "you always always do everything wrong and you will never get anything good from you."

7. Shout. It has long been noted that the speed of a sound wave coming from an adult decreases noticeably when approaching a child. Compensate for this effect.

8. Interrupt your child when he is passionate about something. After all, a 2-year-old child, if he is of course normal, cannot return for the thirtieth time and again step over the high threshold, when he has already succeeded on the tenth attempt. He still has twelve years ahead of him to master his body. Now for him there is a more important goal - adherence to the daily routine.

9. Make fun of and punish awkwardness. Generally - make fun of it more often. Then he will learn to be timid. And if he is pitiful, then he will be considered safe and will not offend, but will be pitied. Feel free to make fun of your physical handicaps. After all, there is nothing funnier than when "teeth like a rat," "a potato nose." Ask more often: "Why are you so lop-eared?" At the same time, the phrase "something you have become fat", addressed to the girl, may open her way to fame. After all, the famous actress, anorexia and fame are synonyms.

10. Make good use of the urge to imitate everything your child sees and hears. I pronounced it clumsily, but just like you, the word "hit" - into the corner. He took your cigarette and walks in the image of "I smoke" - on the pope. If he does this at the age of three, then what will happen next? He wants to try as beautifully as you chop a tomato - hand by hand. Putting the laundry in the washing machine - pinch it as if it had been electrocuted. He must understand once and for all that due to his original worthlessness, he is not worthy to become what he sees these strong, skillful, knowledgeable adults.

11. Blame the child for what he has learned from you. In extreme cases, the films, the kindergarten, his friends, the school, or the genes of his mother’s great-grandfather, "who had exactly the same terrible character," are to blame.

12. Comment on all his actions. Be as critical as possible. He has to get used to the fact that being better than he is and never achieving this is now his job for the rest of his life. Help words: “don’t touch”, “don’t run”, “don’t shout”, “sit straight,” “you can’t give anything into your hands”, “better don’t do it”, “do it again”, “hands out of one place "," let me myself. " In the future, your voice should become a voice from the radio in his head, which cannot be turned off and even understand that these are not your own thoughts sounding, but the broadcast of an old program.

13. You never explain anything. Be guided by simple rules: he is always "still too young to understand something" and when "he grows up, he will understand himself." Use incomprehensible phrases: "behave well", "do not be a fool", "do like people", "do the right thing." Let him know that there are incomprehensible and complex things and their interconnections, into which everyone is devoted except him. Do not deprive yourself of the future joy of bullying a teenager for “not understanding basic things”.

14. At the same time, give it to development centers, groups, nurseries. After all, it is in your child that nature has not laid the ability of natural, organic for him, progressive knowledge of the world. They know better in what order and what he should learn. You win if the first word he says is square.

15. But if possible, send to kindergarten as soon as possible. A caregiver with a group of 30 children will take care of him better than you. After all, the place of a child's own self, even before its appearance, must be occupied by the collective self and Natalia Albertovna's opinion that “it’s not good to be offended and be so proud when all the children have already formed in pairs and hold hands”.

16. Reassure the child of your omniscience. You see and know what he is doing even when you are not around, you read his thoughts in his eyes, you know in advance all his intentions and that "right now he is blatantly lying." In conjunction with sophisticated punishments, this will help him to quickly get acquainted with ghosts, monsters in the dark, the fear of being alone. And boredom is gone!

17. He should know that, among others, there are ideal people and he will never become like them. Compare him not in favor of the child with other children, sisters and brothers, but best of all with some unknown Others or yourself in childhood. Others should always be better. In your past, you are the absolute ideal. Otherwise, he will become lazy and will not develop at all. Help words: “you don't know how to do it”, “you can when you want”, “you will never succeed”, “here I am at your age”, “look how others are doing well”, “you should be ashamed”.

18. Agree with your family members to encourage him to do what you yourself punish him for. And punish yourself for what you praised yesterday. Prohibit and immediately allow. Cancel your promises. Let the child understand that his behavior and the result he gets are independent things. This develops intelligence and intuition in the child.

19. Frighten with babays, women-yagas, wolves and policemen, who "will come and take away." And the ghosts and monsters from the dark will be joined by the monsters under the bed. And, in a large company, as you know, more fun. Make fun of his fears sincerely, because compared to yours, his monsters are a trifle. You know that.

20. Threatening, or better, just take away toys from the child when the opportunity arises, and pass off your favorite food as good behavior. He must know that at any moment he may be deprived of something. So he will grow up greedy and will not be "some kind of sucker."

21. Try not to give your child what he needs. Let him know that the resources of the world are extremely limited and no one is going to part with them just like that. The only way to get something is to learn to steal. And by the way, can anything other than envy be a good stimulus for development?

22. Compete with your child. At the same time, you should win more often, but always better. After all, on the one hand, there is nothing more pleasant to beat a 5-year-old child at chess, and, on the other hand, this is science for him. Let him understand that in competition with others he obviously loses and get used to immediately deceive and cheat, changing the rules of the game for his own convenience.

23. When a child throws a tantrum for the first time, do not be distracted by yourself and do not distract him - give him what he asks for. Repeat over and over. He must reinforce this useful skill.

24. Hit the child. On the hands, on the lips, on the priest. Kicks and cuffs are required. This will help the child accept violence as normal and with dignity and patience endure bullying and beatings in the future: from peers, in the police, in the army, from a husband or an accidental rapist.

25. Rub into trust, and then, having learned everything that you needed, punish. Arrange interrogations and searches. Remember - he is not your friend and he never will be. Your mission is to expose and eradicate the enemy in him. The enemy is insidious - he understands everything and does you to harm you. He must understand that it is impossible to find a common language with you. Help words: “tell me honestly and I will not punish you”, “why did you do that”, “who asked you”, “who persuaded you” “you understand what you are doing”, “how many times to warn you”.

26. Blackmail. This streamlines and concretizes the senseless chaos of children's desires and needs. Help words: “if you don’t stop, then let’s go home”, “then you won’t get ice cream”, “otherwise you will be punished”.

27. Say that you love your child and demand love from him. After all, this is love: humiliation, lies, punishment, compulsion. Don't worry about your deception being exposed. The child will grow up and easily and without hesitation will replace the pleasure he has not found from relationships with people, euphoria from alcohol, drugs or gambling. Some people fill this void with faith, but do you need such a less radical option?

28. Force the child. Coerce in everything. Make hard work out of pleasure. Eating, reading, learning new things, walking - everything should become work, and any work - hell. It's simple: wait for the child to do something by himself, and then criticize and interrupt. Instead, let him do what you think is important, necessary and right now. An excellent result is when the child has no time for himself at all and he has ceased to distinguish between what he wants and what you want.

29. For the good of your child, eradicate empathy and compassion. He must learn to endure the pain when he pinches his finger, not cry when he tears his knee to meat. Let him develop endurance and understanding that no one pities him and will not pity him. At the same time, keep your child safe from invisible dangers. Terrible bacteria, unwashed berries from the garden, a sneezed child in a sandbox - these are his main enemies.

30. Speak badly about your child. Without him, and especially with him. In front of others, ask him unpleasant and humiliating questions, recall the "funny" incidents from his life. Flaunt his mistakes, flaws and mistakes - this way he will get rid of them faster, and you will get an alibi. After all, you have nothing to do with them.

31. Don't praise your child. Otherwise, he can learn to evaluate himself. Do not approve - he will learn to treat himself well. Why would you then?

32. Control that the child is in constant anxiety and physical stress. Prolonged muscle tension someday, yes, will lead to the appearance of a high-quality chronic disease of internal organs, back or cardiovascular system. And you and your child will have additional common interests that connect you.

33. Distract your child from distressing experiences. Except, of course, when you yourself immersed it in them for educational purposes. If the child is sad, make him rejoice. Teach him to rejoice when he is scared. Let him love in response to contempt, and be angry when he is trusted. Gradually replace his emotions with yours. Let her learn to ignore hers. How else are you going to manage it? And what joy can there be if you yourself are not happy? Help words: “stop crying”, “what kind of tenderness”, “don't be a coward”, “stop getting angry at me”, “it doesn't hurt you”, “you never know what you want”, “you are not tired yet”, “It’s not offensive,” “you laugh like a horse,” “eat - it’s delicious,” “not hot, normal water.”

34. Deprive of choice. "Is a normal person going to do this, listen, read, want." Impose your thinking. After all, you have so hard to convince yourself that "it is correct." Let him use the ready-made and hard-won result. Firmly decide that your child should achieve what you could not achieve and in no case do what you did not right.

35. To enhance the effect produced by your words, use intonations: condescending – devaluing, significant, sarcastic, instructive, affirmative – affirmative, seductive, threatening. The child will gradually get used to it and stop looking for meaning in words and will be completely focused on the emotions of other people. This will allow him to perceive the instructions of his superiors without conflict and watch the news on TV with maximum comfort.

36. Take out your resentment and bad mood on the child. It is convenient and safe. In addition, when the parent felt better and his good spirits returned to him, then the child will be happier.

37. Be impatient. The child should be able to change in response to your comments right now. Do not be indulgent - even in your imagination, but the child must do it. We will tighten the reality later. Or we won't. Does not matter. After all, the main thing is to seem someone, to be is not necessary. You know this for sure, let him also understand.

38. Scare the future as often as possible. Any of his unintentional actions in the present in 30 years will lead to the collapse of his whole life. Have you watched the "Butterfly Effect"? However, show that you are interested in immediate and measurable results. Help words: “how could you lose. this is a failure "," if you grow up, you will become a janitor, "" again you have to blush for you, "" only excellently."

39. Always use extremes for argumentation: catastrophize, exaggerate, elevate to absolute, paint in black and white. Confuse cause and effect, general and particular, form and content, become attached to the little things. Manipulate and confuse him whenever you can. This will teach him to skillfully dodge and smoothly justify himself, lead liars to clean water and sarcastically triumph. At least - on the Internet, now it will definitely not disappear.

40. Catch the child on petty and unintentional lies - children tend to fantasize. Punish for it. The child must learn to lie more sophisticatedly. Help words: “you talk nonsense,” “nobody cares about your opinion,” “you’re lying again,” “don’t invent,” “think of something better,” “how can you not know this,” “don’t stupid "," you think the smartest."

41. The advanced parent knows that absolute obedience is absolutely good for home use only. Teach your child how to get rid of shame by shifting responsibility to appropriate others, circumstances, and chance. Let those who think a lot about themselves - hypocritical, pitiful, envious people - become to blame for all his troubles. They are the ones who provoke fights. They lie and steal, but he won't hurt a fly - "look so good." When no one hears, humiliate other children and their parents. It's true - they deserve it.

42. Admire the child for what he wanted to do but never did. After all, good intentions are better than bad deeds.

43. Impose a role on the child as early as possible. Boys do not cry, do not take offense, do not fear. Girls are neat, self-disciplined and modest. Let the boy immediately learn to hide his feelings, and when they accumulate, rip them off on others. Let the girl polish in advance the skill of finding cunning ways to get her own.

44. The child should participate in conflicts between dad and mom. Excessive naivety in family matters will then interfere with him. Therefore, at the age of 5, you should know that if it were not for him, you would have divorced a long time ago. Drag it to your side. And he must know all the details. Including that it might not have been, because my mother "wanted to have an abortion, but she was then dissuaded."

45. If possible, reveal the whole truth to the child. The girl should know that all men are bastards, and the boy should know that all women are bitches. And only you really love him. Let him understand that your overprotection and spying on any actions is a necessary necessity and his protection from painful disappointments.

46. If a child does something wrong, you suffer terribly, get sick and are about to die. He should not become an egotist who "thinks of himself more than you." Remind about yourself and what he would have become if not for you. Help words: “you want my death”, “you will bring me to the grave”, “you frayed all my nerves”, “if I hadn’t flogged, I would have rolled downhill”.

47. Never listen to or respond to a child who speaks to you. Otherwise, he may decide that he is important to you and then he will definitely "sit on your neck." As a last resort, face whatever he says with dismay, assuming the worst. Help words: "Well, what else?", "How did you get it?"

48. Demand to ask for forgiveness and promise "I will not do this anymore" for any petty prank. The smaller the offense, the stronger the punishment should be. Feel free to put it in a corner, leave it without communication for days, threaten to give it back, defiantly leave, whip it well, finally. A child should wonder with horror what monstrous punishments await him in more serious cases: “death? no - this, most likely, will not be enough. " This will discourage him from any desire to "do wrong."

49. Shushukite. Speak to him in a feigned childish voice. Call him bunny, mouse, sun, kitty. However, when you are about to punish him, pronounce his name in such a tone that he flinches with fear. Finally, indicate that you love him very much when he is not him and hate in the opposite case.

50. You cannot be wrong. You know everything because you are a parent. Do not show your child doubts and your weakness - children feel it. Do not be afraid to use contradictory methods: the child believes you - he is so made. The more confused the child's consciousness is, the richer his future life. If something did not work out for you, the child is to blame.