2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
- Think of a child as the salvation of your marital relationship: "We were always quarreling - disagreeing, reconciling - converging and decided - we need to have a child, he will unite us."
- Reverse the hierarchy in the family. Forget your parenting goal. Instead of the goal of "raising the child so that he can live on his own," you need the goal of "give him everything." Of course, it is clearly illogical and fantastic, but you will have to get used to it. The child should be in charge. Parents should only be a means of fulfilling his desires: "What do you think, son, can we give birth to another Lyalka?"
- Get close to your child - become "best friends." This will harmoniously push your spouse to the periphery - he will begin to feel rejected, he will be disproportionately angry at the child, and you will protect him, hide his misdeeds - “save Lyalka from an evil uncle (aunt)”. The main thing is not to give up even when the child starts hitting you. This is especially easy if you are married (married) for the second time, the child was sick in infancy, or he is the youngest. The feeling of guilt will allow you to easily deceive yourself: “this is not his father,” “he will understand himself,” etc. Try not even to think otherwise, otherwise you will quickly understand that your second spouse is the Father (Mother), because “My Mom's Friend” is not a family role.
- Break boundaries, break the motivation system. Promise dire punishments and never do them. Behave as if all the child's achievements are needed by you, and only you are to blame for all his mistakes and misdeeds. Don't admit his right to be wrong.
- Formulate the rules in the family in a paradoxical way: “I do everything for you and this, and this, and this (many enumerations), but you cannot just treat me well! (In no case do not admit what exactly you want and what you require specifically!)
- Teach the child and other family members to play SACRIFIC - RESCUE - HUNTER. It's simple: never warn that society has rules of conduct (school, shop, bus, other family, etc.) that must be followed. The child will begin to break them, they will make comments to him, and you will save him.
- Never let us feel uncomfortable. Forgot a notebook or a uniform - run to school, carry something forgotten, does not get up on an alarm clock - wake up, don't let us oversleep and receive a comment, offended a classmate - don't allow him to apologize, etc.
- Choose his future for him: goals, institution, job, etc.
- Indulge infantilism: in no case change the rules or redistribute responsibilities. Live as if he is 3-5 years old and at the same time as if he is already an adult. He should not have responsibilities to his family. The child may not be something MUST, but everything CAN. It is important to encourage permissiveness, naively mistaking it for adulthood.
- Keep trying to "be his best friend." He will already resist: to be silent, to snap back - do not pay attention. Let him get the impression that you cannot live without him. Get sick, in the end, saying that it is from his indifference.
- In no case do not talk to him about the fact that from the age of 18 he will begin to live on his own - this can awaken motivation. Learn to be afraid of it yourself. Let him know by word and deed that you will always be there. Decide everything for him: pay off his debts, pay fines, save him from court, play him his wedding. Never give up, do not admit your helplessness - do your best to maintain a sense of your omnipotence.
- The emergence of some kind of addiction will make life easier for you - then you will breathe more freely. Addiction is a harsh track - he will never jump off of it! It is important to continue to pretend that this is also your business: pay for treatment, monitor your condition, look for a job, pay off debts, etc.
By following the 12 steps of this instruction, you are guaranteed to be able to raise an addicted person who is not able to live independently.
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