2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The same person can have 3 types of age:
- Chronological - how many years did you actually live, how many years according to your passport.
- Biological - assessed by the state of the body and human organs.
- Psychological - a sense of their age, an internal level of maturity, awareness of oneself in the surrounding world. It is determined by the perception, feeling of oneself, actions and behavior of a person.
All 3 ages may not be the same for the same person. People who, early enough, before the age of 23-25, had a family, children, and occupy leadership positions feel and behave like representatives of an older age. And vice versa, we can see people of retirement age who wear youth clothes, are actively involved in sports, are fluent in modern gadgets, and have a psychological age less than chronological.
According to research by scientists, people who have not reached the social status that their peers, representatives of creative professions, those who avoid responsibility and dream only of passive income or a supported life, have romances with married men or married women, do not burden themselves with family obligations and their own children, feel much younger.
Often, the psychological age of such people can fluctuate from childhood to adolescence, despite the gray hair on the temples. Some of them enjoy life and always find a partner in whom the inner parent is very developed. Complementary marriages are formed and everyone is happy with it. Others suffer from low self-esteem, afraid to express themselves and their desires, from dependent relationships, unhappy love, fear of loneliness, fear of aging, low income, psychosomatic diseases.
It happens that relationships and marriages break up due to the fact that one of the partners has matured internally and moved forward in its development, and the other has been frozen for a long time in childhood or adolescence. Or, on the contrary, an example of a codependent relationship - partners cannot part, although together they feel bad, both suffer. Another common option is when a woman in the role of a mother brings up, raises, supports her man, and with him the common children, everyday life and other issues. Complains, gets angry, gets tired and can't do anything about it. Also a common example is the life of a mistress, supported by a man who suits her as a father. It can be really difficult from within such situations to realize the reason and change something in their life, so many turn to a psychologist for help.
It also happens that the psychological age may not coincide in different areas of life. For example, a person is responsible at work, makes decisions, leads, and in his personal life builds relationships with partners according to the child-parent model. Psychological age is changed by subjective feelings of the inner "I", independence, demonstrates how a person was able to adapt in society in a particular area of life.
Internal maturation occurs through the passage of "identity crises" according to the concept of psychosocial personality development of the American psychologist Eric Erickson. He divided the life path of a person into 8 stages.
Each stage (age interval) has its own goals. The transition from one stage to the next occurs through critical points of tension - internal conflicts.
If a person goes through the crisis favorably, then his personality is strengthened, skills and qualities are developed for solving future life tasks: trust in the world, willpower, initiative, hard work and focus on results, personal values, self-esteem, the ability to love and build close relationships, care, wisdom.
If unfavorable, then in the next stage the person will be burdened with unresolved problems of the past. And from time to time he will "return" to the previous stages in order to still resolve his internal conflicts - in work, in relationships, in self-esteem and so on.
It is not possible to avoid crisis points at all, because in the process of growing up from infancy to death, a person encounters new tasks that life puts before us at a certain age.
The more age crises a person goes through favorably, the easier it is for him to live on.
To determine your inner age, you can use special tests on the Internet or in consultation with a psychologist, where you can immediately get feedback, identify what you lack for harmony in life, relationships and deal with your problems and fears.
All is well, that in moderation.
I am of the opinion about the harmonious development of the personality.
In the transactional analysis of Eric Berne, there is such a thing as internal ego states: an adult, a child, a parent.
🟢 A child is our spontaneity, emotionality, creativity, whims, joy.
🟢 A parent is all that we allow ourselves, prohibit, criticism, care, punishment.
🟢 An adult is our connection with reality, experience, mistakes and conclusions, analytical thinking, independence. Ability to adequately respond to external circumstances and resolve internal conflicts with the inner child and parent.
It's great to be young at heart in adulthood, but not childish. To do this, you need to develop awareness and your "inner adult". In the course of psychotherapy, this occurs as a result of identification with the psychoanalyst and the integration of your experience.
If you want to find out your psychological age, accept the one that scares you in your passport, deal with problems in love relationships - I invite you to an individual consultation online or a face-to-face meeting. Contacts for recording - in my profile (the author of the article) on this site.
Elena Ermolenko is a psychologist, psychoanalyst.
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