2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There is such a cool thing - double messages. This is when the mother says to the child “I love you,” and at this time there is hatred on her face. And the child cannot react to any of the messages in such a way as not to get into a mess. Well, if she believes that mom loves, she will ignore an important signal (a signal about danger, by the way). And if she doesn’t believe it, then my mother will be offended (and this is again a danger). In short, whatever one may say, but the child got. As if into some kind of mechanism from which there is no exit.
This communication has a benefit (benefit for the one who communicates like this): communicating with double messages, you will always be right, and your interlocutor is always a fool. No options. The perfect trolling tool.
But here we are not talking about a child with whom an adult communicates in this way.
Here we are talking about adults who formulate their "want" in the same way. So I kind of want a relationship, but like not really. So I want this job, but if suddenly it doesn't work out, then figs with it, I didn't really want to. Or I really want this job, but I was half an hour late for the interview and came in a crumpled shirt. Well, and so on.
In this part, it can be assumed that such a person's needs were not satisfied at all in childhood. That is, the child wanted something there, and the adults were in fig. Want is not harmful. Don't you want a lot? Look here, got sick. This is in its simplest form. And there were also such adults who gave the child only what he did not want, and in no case gave what he wanted. Mom, they say, knows better.
And then the child realizes that wanting is dumb, actually. And it hurts. Desires that are not satisfied are painful and unpleasant if someone did not know.
And God bless him, when this "painful" happens in an adult - he will survive. And for a child, this is a real tragedy.
And then the person learns to want double binds. Well, I kind of want it, and it seems I don’t want it, and I want it, don’t want it, I’ll bother your head so that you don’t understand what I really want. And what I don't want. And do I want anything at all.
The trouble of such a person is that he is so afraid to experience this pain again - the pain of not receiving what he wants, that he himself does not know what he wants. He forgot how to want, even in childhood.
And then this skill - the skill to want, needs to be developed anew. Well, how to download the press or how to get into the habit of working with the tenth Windows. At first it’s unusual, and then it’s like niche.
However, there is a catch here. When you really want something, and there is a desire to go in this direction. That is, the chances of getting what you want. But chances are not to get it. And this also needs to be understood.
Although even if you don’t get it, it’s still development, feedback. But that's another story.
The mask is comfortable to wear. It is even more convenient to wear a lot of masks. The main thing then is not to forget, but where is “I am real” behind these masks.
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