On Female Self-realization: Family Or Career

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The topic of self-realization is the second most popular in the list of top reasons for contacting a psychologist. What's the first one? Guess. How to find, attract, captivate, keep a man and, of course, marry him. I would even say that most girls, going out into the adult world, begin to see their self-realization in this way - a man, a family, children. Well, if the family is not enough, then I will twirl macrame or embroider with beads. In order not to do - just not to earn, otherwise I will put my husband in an uncomfortable position of an equal. And our men are used to being taller simply by birthright.

Yes, self-realization is directly related to finances, because whatever we do, if we do it efficiently, constantly and with pleasure, sooner or later it starts to bring money. And a woman with what she loves and money is a dangerous woman. Because she is free. From the need to see in a man only a support and a financial center. And then a man needs to think, what else can he offer, how to captivate and interest a woman?

So, the fear of money, the fear of upsetting the balance in relations with a man, where he is a little higher, and a woman a little lower, prevent women from moving forward.

Fear of not being in time or "it's too late" - if I choose to start with a career, then when will I get married and have a child? I chose to get married and have a family, but now I am already 40, and I have only an institute behind me and no work experience, how can I come to the office and start working next to 20-year-old students? I had a good career, but I spent 10 years on maternity leave with two children, how can I return and where, if in 10 years everything in my profession has changed dramatically?

Society pressure - do everything and be successful in everything you do. Glossy pages and movie plots show us a middle-aged woman who has a job she loves, three children, a husband, former or current, still a lover, a cozy and tidy house, fitness classes, yoga on Sundays, coffee with friends, healthy eating, perfect styling, smooth skin and fresh manicure. A woman always smiles, showing beautiful white teeth, does not get tired, she also cooks herself for her husband, children, lover and even a big shaggy dog. And you overslept your morning run, forgot to erase the slightly peeling nail polish, do not have time to submit the project by the deadline and feel like a complete failure against the background of this beautiful goddess.

Another interesting problem of self-realization, I see in millennials or generation Y - overestimated self-images and expectations from the world against the background of a reluctance to go into adulthood and leave the parental nest. They know a lot, they are interested in a lot, but at the same time they do not want to invest and strain either for the sake of a career or for the sake of relationships. "All the best and at once" - so I would designate the motto of the generation of the millennium. Apparently, the stress and tension of their parents, who were forced to rebuild and look for themselves in the collapse of the 90s, led millennials to the opposite conclusion - there is no need to strain at all. Growing up is also not necessary or as late as possible. The best career and the best family will be created by themselves. And preferably on the first try. It is noteworthy that at the same time, millennials, from work that does not meet their expectations, leave quickly, and remain in relationships for a long time, fearing to take a decisive step, constantly thinking and doubting "the right person".

But what is to be done? How to find yourself and not lose your relationship, how to overcome the fear of missed opportunities and your imperfection? How to strain in moderation and how to choose the path of development in general?

I am always afraid for women who choose family, macrame and a man as a source of money. If only because a man can leave. Not necessarily a mistress. It happens that in another world. I think that a woman should have a profession, a business, something that will happen to her and her when there is nothing else left. Yes, a man can also leave a woman with business, profession, money, but here simple arithmetic - two minus one, gives her one in the remainder. In addition, it is easier for a woman who is enthusiastic, filled with her own business to meet someone. Passion infects and attracts people to you.

Regarding fears, I was always helped by the stories of famous women who did not find themselves right away. JK Rowling was a 32-year-old divorcee living on unemployment benefits until the world saw her first Harry Potter novel. Vera Wong has been figure skating since childhood, but when she realized that she had not achieved great success in sports, she decided to try herself in fashion. She created a wedding dress first for herself, later other women began to turn to her. Soon her brand took the leading place in the premium segment fashion, by that time Vera was already over 40 years old. Anna Mary Moses was a farmer's wife, mother and grandmother until she was 78 years old, until she painted the first picture. Later, one of the paintings brought her $ 1.2 million. She went down in art history as Grandmother Moses. If they succeed in doing what they like, then I can too.

To understand what you like, you have to try. I don't know any other way. But in order to understand that to try in all the variety of choices, you need guidelines, an adequate attitude towards yourself and the ability to stop in time. If you draw pictures and give them to all your friends, but later you do not find gifts in prominent places, and your acquaintances are already frowning and beware of inviting you to the next holiday, assuming that you will come with a picture. And only your mother courageously finds space on the wall for your next masterpiece - most likely you draw badly. And this business must be dropped.

If you are 40 years old and you are just a mother from maternity leave in an office full of 20-year-old toothy nymphs who multiply you by zero with a glance and shower you with anglicisms, relax - you already have something that they don’t have - family and children and now you are adding to these achievements and a career. Using Anglicisms does not mean knowing English, sharp teeth do not mean talent and ability, and arrogance is not a reflection of high status.

Believe in yourself and your worth. Whatever you choose as a priority - family or career - upon achieving one goal, the next one immediately becomes the first. And this list can be continued for a lifetime.