2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Support is not equal to giving advice.
What does this mean?
Often, when a person comes to us just to pronounce the painful, we believe that we must give him advice, teach the mind to reason. This applies more to the female half of humanity, since men manifest themselves a little differently. Although they sometimes want to speak out.
And here it is also important to clarify about the male and female reactions. Men view complaints as a call to action to find solutions. They do not understand why they need to speak out if the person knows how to get out of the situation, or if he does not need help. Feminine perception is a little different. They are more inclined to “listen and support”. However, women, as well as men, increasingly have no tolerance for listening, and begin to voice their opinions and give directions.
Feminine nature is arranged in such a way that it is important for her to speak out everything that happens to her. It doesn't matter if she can solve the problem, or the issue cannot be settled. When pronouncing events, a woman simply speaks. In most cases, she knows what to do next. And it will act, just now the mood is “and talk”.
When they tell her what to do. Give advice. Or they are trying to explain what is happening. And this happens in almost all conversations. In general, this does not suit a woman. She needs to be in the spotlight now and her situation to be the only issue for discussion. It is important that she feels the significance of this situation.
When advice is given, it causes discontent, anger, irritation. She's not asking! She doesn't need advice. Exactly as well as explanations from the category “for something it is necessary”, “you need to be patient a little”, “and for others it is even worse”, “you don’t know what saved you from”. If a woman needs advice, to hear the experience of others, she will immediately ask for it.
What else? Another cause of dissatisfaction is concern from the category of "why do you react so, because you are doing worse for yourself." But it’s worse for yourself if you hold back the stream of indignation and SUPPRESS your emotions. They will find a secluded spot for themselves in some of our organs and will begin to “give their voice” from there.
In fact, such concern on the part of others is more dictated by their inability to meet the feelings of the interlocutor. It is very difficult to withstand your own emotional states, and even more so of other people. Immediately there is a desire to somehow turn the conversation into another direction.
Support = support - hold. To advise is a little different. To give examples is the third. To support means to be on the side of a person, giving him the right to experience the feelings and emotions that arise. If you do not slow down the flow of emotions (provided that it is not directed at you personally), then the situation of the interlocutor should not hurt you. Just agree that what he is telling you has a place to be. If you want to express advice or opinion, ask if your interlocutor wants it. Better to postpone it for later. You feel that you do not know how to support, so say and ask what the other person would like now.
Often during such conversations, awkwardness arises from the fact that you do not know what to say, there is no advice, no example. And this is just not necessary!
Support is basically being a listener. Don't confuse this with giving advice and guidance.
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